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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think these women are arseholes?

482 replies

Flypaperforarseholes · 04/04/2017 03:35

Spent the weekend away with a group of women (most of whom I don't know) for a friend's birthday.
10 of us in total, 2 of whom (including the Laura, whose birthday we were celebrating) I have been friends with for 10+ years.
Shared a twin with Nora, on Sunday morning, before going to breakfast, we packed ready to check out. I then stripped the beds and collected the used towels together.
We went down for breakfast and Laura laughingly asked if I'd stripped the beds yet. It is a bit of a standing joke amongst us because it's something I've always done in hotels. One of the other women, Paula, asked what it was about and I explained. She was quite taken aback and asked why I felt the need to do it/don't I like to relax etc. She drew it to the attention of the whole group and took to calling me Mrs Mop for the rest of the day. A bit irritating but didn't bother me really.
This evening, a message from Paula came up in the watsapp group which had been set up at the planning stage of the trip.
"Thank you for a lovely weekend, girls. Laura, do give me flypaperforarseholes number, good help is so hard to come by these days. LOL!"
A few laughter emojis and "LOL"'s from some of the other women. Nothing from Paula or Nora yet.
Am I BU to think these women are arseholes?! It hasn't bothered me massively, in large part due to the fact that I found Paula a pretentious bore of a woman and thus give a minimum of fucks about what she thinks of me but I'm surprised that this such a small thing seems to have become quite the focal point for her. I'm assuming she doesn't realise I'm on the group chat because I haven't actually messaged on it. These women are school mum friends of Lauras and I don't want her to get caught in the middle so haven't replied...yet.

OP posts:
Goldfishjane · 04/04/2017 10:53

OP just saw your update
Hopefully you'll never have to see this horrible Paula again.

LaContessaDiPlump · 04/04/2017 10:53

People only take the piss if it is a genuine joke or if they think they can get a rise.

Not sure I agree with this - I have one 'friend' who constantly takes the piss out of what I eat because she is a cunt who thinks her low self-esteem is justification for being a dick to others. Part of the extended group though and has been for a long time, so I can't cut her out regrettably

Glitterspy · 04/04/2017 10:54

I just don't get this attitude of 'she has one million and one things to do'...so do I, it's called my job.

Moreisnnogedag · 04/04/2017 10:54

glitter I don't know that all sounds a bit "I'm paying for it so jump to it" which I don't think you mean. The bed needs stripping, i only need to strip one bed, whereas the chambermaid has dozens. She (and it is almost always she) has to turn around a room rapidly so something that saves her a couple of minutes is a good thing surely? Plus I can't imagine asking a chambermaid if she'd mind because she's almost obliged to say no.

Moreisnnogedag · 04/04/2017 10:56

oh glitter you do mean it like that. Well each to our own then.

Original poster
Flypaperforarseholes · 04/04/2017 10:58

Glitterspy "Disrespectful"? "Deeply odd"? Seriously?!Grin
I think it's "deeply odd" to find someone taking two minutes of their time to help someone else "disrespectful".

OP posts:
ItsAMessyLife · 04/04/2017 10:59

Glitterspy If you can't (or even just don't want to) spare a few minutes to help them with their job that's completely fine. But it's ridiculous to suggest that people who choose to do so are being disrespectful.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 04/04/2017 11:00

I just knew you'd be a plate scraper.

Glitterspy · 04/04/2017 11:02

I don't think I said disrespectful. I said presumptuous and condescending.

ItsAMessyLife You said embarrassing, which I think is ridiculous.

We all have our crosses to bear. Yours seems to be emotional over-investment in other people's opinions!

Goldfishjane · 04/04/2017 11:03

Glitter, when I did any job where the public could spare me two minutes I was pleased. Yes it's my job but frankly in those minimum wage jobs, the expectations are much higher than in my better paid jobs.

CardinalCat · 04/04/2017 11:04

Fly, are you not a bit embarrassed at the thought of Laura sending a group msg?

However she words it, it is going to sound like you've gone crying to her and now she's playing the role of big sister and telling all the naughty children to behave. CRINGE. I would rather have them all bitching about me till the cows come home than have a totally patronising and cringeworthy message come out from Laura. MAKE IT STOP.

ItsAMessyLife · 04/04/2017 11:05

You said:

It's beyond weird to strip beds and faff around with towels in a hotel. How disrespectful to the staff whose job it is. Why would you presume to know how the room staff do things or that what you're doing is in any way 'helping'? Doing it when you're in a big group of people is even weirder. Just let people do their own jobs.

And now I'm feeling embarrassed for you all over again.

CardinalCat · 04/04/2017 11:06

La Contessa-
I have one 'friend' who constantly takes the piss out of what I eat because she is a cunt who thinks her low self-esteem is justification for being a dick to others. Part of the extended group though and has been for a long time, so I can't cut her out

how is that not trying to get a rise? It is classic rise-baiting because she knows it annoys you.

Original poster
Flypaperforarseholes · 04/04/2017 11:06

Glitterspy
"It's beyond weird to strip beds and faff around with towels in a hotel. How disrespectful to the staff whose job it is."

OP posts:
HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 04/04/2017 11:08

When people behave like this, I just assume that they are a bit clueless and don't get out much. Not that they are terrible people but I just like my friends to be a bit more... clued-in. And aware of normal social expectations. So I certainly wouldn't make fun of you, but I wouldn't plan on getting to know you well enough for it to be appropriate to tease you.

Didyoumeantobesorude1 · 04/04/2017 11:10

Stripping the beds is quite helpful and only affects you and the chambermaid. But scraping and stacking plates - no no no!! Please! That's poor etiquette in your own home, let alone in public.

Original poster
Flypaperforarseholes · 04/04/2017 11:10

CardinalCat
No, not in the slightest. I might be if I had brought it up to Laura but I didn't, she raised it with me because it has pissed her off.

OP posts:
HappyFlappy · 04/04/2017 11:11

Regardless of whether it is usual to strip the beds in a hotel Paula's behaviour was unacceptable.

^ This.

We all have our little foibles. OP's preference for stripping the beds is harming no-one and makes her feel more comfortable about her stay. I think it would be fair enough to comment (e.g. I might have said something like "Do you? It's never occurred to me to strip a hotel bed." but that would have been the end of it.)

It's not amusing to continuously harp on something like this, and is very spiteful. Had I been OP I wouldn't have minded a couple of comments, but would be getting heartily sick of the sheer tedium of the constant repetition.

muhajaba · 04/04/2017 11:11

Can't understand why people keep saying it's weird to strip hotel beds, it isn't, it's quite normal really, when I was a chambermaid I always appreciated it.
Paula likes to feel superior to others, this comes from insecurity.

Glitterspy · 04/04/2017 11:13

Oh yes, I did say disrespectful. Oh well!

ItsAMessyLife · 04/04/2017 11:13

However she words it, it is going to sound like you've gone crying to her and now she's playing the role of big sister and telling all the naughty children to behave. CRINGE.

I don't think it'd sound like that at all. They didn't make these jokes in front of the OP so it'd be pretty obvious that someone else had disapproved and told Laura. In any case, I doubt OP will be seeing much of them in the future so I don't think it matters what Laura posts.

gingina · 04/04/2017 11:14

I always strip beds in hotels. I used to be a chambermaid and it isn't that uncommon, in fact it makes a big difference when you have 100+ rooms to clean. I see it as being considerate.
These women are arseholes - trying to demean the OP to make themselves seem 'fun'
Bunch of twats !

Original poster
Flypaperforarseholes · 04/04/2017 11:15

HoldMeCloser We obviously have different ideas of "clued in". Knowing how hard people work and not minding making their working day a tiny bit easier doesn't smack of being clueless to me. Believing that "normal social expectations" require people to act as though normal tasks are beneath them does.

OP posts:
SingingSilver · 04/04/2017 11:17

How about responding "Good help is hard to come by because you're a cunt. Hope this helps."

I have a migraine today and am very grumpy, so you're lucky that I don't have access to the whatsapp group!

ThoraGruntwhistle · 04/04/2017 11:18

I don't do it anyway, because I'm not sure why you would...but why is it unhelpful to waiting staff if people stack plates at a restaurant?