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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think these women are arseholes?

482 replies

Flypaperforarseholes · 04/04/2017 03:35

Spent the weekend away with a group of women (most of whom I don't know) for a friend's birthday.
10 of us in total, 2 of whom (including the Laura, whose birthday we were celebrating) I have been friends with for 10+ years.
Shared a twin with Nora, on Sunday morning, before going to breakfast, we packed ready to check out. I then stripped the beds and collected the used towels together.
We went down for breakfast and Laura laughingly asked if I'd stripped the beds yet. It is a bit of a standing joke amongst us because it's something I've always done in hotels. One of the other women, Paula, asked what it was about and I explained. She was quite taken aback and asked why I felt the need to do it/don't I like to relax etc. She drew it to the attention of the whole group and took to calling me Mrs Mop for the rest of the day. A bit irritating but didn't bother me really.
This evening, a message from Paula came up in the watsapp group which had been set up at the planning stage of the trip.
"Thank you for a lovely weekend, girls. Laura, do give me flypaperforarseholes number, good help is so hard to come by these days. LOL!"
A few laughter emojis and "LOL"'s from some of the other women. Nothing from Paula or Nora yet.
Am I BU to think these women are arseholes?! It hasn't bothered me massively, in large part due to the fact that I found Paula a pretentious bore of a woman and thus give a minimum of fucks about what she thinks of me but I'm surprised that this such a small thing seems to have become quite the focal point for her. I'm assuming she doesn't realise I'm on the group chat because I haven't actually messaged on it. These women are school mum friends of Lauras and I don't want her to get caught in the middle so haven't replied...yet.

OP posts:

Botanicbaby · 04/04/2017 10:30

OP if you've fully read your own thread and still cannot fathom why stacking & clearing plates in restaurants is considered bad manners, impolite and frankly irritating, there is no hope for you.

As much as you're asking others to see your point of view on stripping beds, at least try to see theirs on the plate thing.

LastnightaDJ · 04/04/2017 10:31

Paula is a snob. I don't like snobs. It is annoying. She patronised you with the Mrs Mop thing and the help WA message. The others are pathetic for being silent about it, altho it's difficult to know how to stamp on that kind of behaviour. I try and avoid such people. I wouldn't say arseholes, cause that suggests I truly care, it's more that they are not worth my time. I've become a lot more philosophical about this as I've become older and less insecure about my own background. I wouldn't plate stack, even if I thought it was being helpful, because I find it disgusting to scrape food at the table and yes, I am now comfortable with the notion that I am a paying guest and am entitled to sit back and relax in a restaurant. There is a certain degree of "theatre" involved in eating out and plate stacking crosses the line and breaks the spell. Bed stripping takes place behind the scene so I feel it falls into a different category.
Overall - I'd ignore Paula, keep bed stripping but perhaps reflect on the plate stacking if I were you.

Serialweightwatcher · 04/04/2017 10:31

So sorry OP had missed the page when your friend said you were the butt of jokes about your background ...... definitely arseholes and not being friendly

splendide · 04/04/2017 10:32

Stacking plates is annoying because:

it's horrible to look at/ hear
it's bossy, you decide the dinner is at an end
it means the plates are dirty on their underside making putting them in the dishwasher more unpleasant
it looks to the waiter like you're making a point that they haven't cleared quickly enough
your waiter probably has a way they prefer to stack and carry and you're making their life harder

CardinalCat · 04/04/2017 10:40

Flypaper, you are being quite defensive with your responses here.
It would be interesting to hear this story played out from Paula's side and whether she feels you were as openly hostile to them in person as your behaviour on here suggests you may have been.
People only take the piss if it is a genuine joke or if they think they can get a rise. Don't give them the satisfaction of getting het up about it. Except of course it's too late for that because Laura is now fired up to have a word with them. Honestly, it is just an embarrassing overreaction. Let it go. Tell Laura let it go and drop all of the DRAMAZ (and she is an absolute power of a shit-stirrer btw, do not be fooled.)

Accept that you and Paula are not each others' people, and move on.

Glitterspy · 04/04/2017 10:43

It's beyond weird to strip beds and faff around with towels in a hotel. How disrespectful to the staff whose job it is. Why would you presume to know how the room staff do things or that what you're doing is in any way 'helping'? Doing it when you're in a big group of people is even weirder. Just let people do their own jobs.

notcreative23 · 04/04/2017 10:45

@Glitterspy I don't really understand how doing something to make the staffs day a little easier is disrespectful?

Goldfishjane · 04/04/2017 10:45

Glitter, why is it weird? I ask the maid before I do it "would this help" and they always say "yes, thank you so much" with a look of relief.

reuset · 04/04/2017 10:46

Why do you stack the plates, OP?

NotYoda · 04/04/2017 10:46

I agree that "teasing rights have to be earned'

I am going to be charitable and assume that Paula was really keen to be included in that particular nater between the friends who already knew each other, but it was misjudged

Wdigin2this · 04/04/2017 10:47

Send a text back saying, 'If and when I decide to run a Domestic Cleaning company , (poss good idea) you my darling....couldn't possibly afford me!

NotYoda · 04/04/2017 10:48

*banter

Sorry, missed off the end of what I was saying. But joining in and initiating teasing are two different things. She's insensitive at best.

ItsAMessyLife · 04/04/2017 10:48

Glitterspy Every chambermaid/ex chambermaid on this thread has said that it is helpful. What a weird post. Why would it be disrespectful? How many ways can you strip a bed? Why wouldn't saving them a few minutes by stripping the bed be helpful? Your post is embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for you/

JaneJeffer · 04/04/2017 10:49

That Paula sounds like one of those annoying people who carry the "joke" on far too long. Try not to let it bother you.

NotYoda · 04/04/2017 10:49

I don't think that stacking plates and stripping beds is relevant. I don't do it, but nor would i piss-take about someone who did. I would assume they were trying to be thoughtful

Glitterspy · 04/04/2017 10:49

If you ask the maid beforehand and he/she says yes, then that's okay, I just don't know why you'd bother when you're paying for the service in a hotel. Stacking plates at the table (in public) is gross and unnecessary.

I think it's presumptuous and condescending to presume you're helping by getting involved in someone else's work. It's "out-mothering" everyone. By taking over in this way, you're making a statement of control which I find inappropriate.

Glitterspy · 04/04/2017 10:50

(I wouldn't piss take or joke someone who did these things, by the way). I'd just silently judge them for being deeply odd)

Original poster

Flypaperforarseholes · 04/04/2017 10:50

On the plate stacking front, I don't do it at "posh" restaurants (I don't ear at "posh" restaurants ) and wouldn't do it at a group meal. If I eat out, it tends to be with my children in fairly busy restaurants and I know the waiting staff have a lot of tables to cover so are pleased to have a bit of assistance. I also pick up any food/napkins etc my children may have dropped -shoot me!
I don't find it irritating if anyone chooses not to strip their hotel bed so really don't understand why it would be irritating that I do.
Laura told me comments have been made because she intends to speak to Paula about it and message everyone in the group chat. She's not a shitstirrer or unkind, quite the opposite.

OP posts:

Moreisnnogedag · 04/04/2017 10:51

I strip beds. Because probably the person whose job it is has a million and one things to do in the morning besides stripping my bed. But I also fold them up in the corner so that they can go into different laundry bags if needed.

NotYoda · 04/04/2017 10:51

Glitterspy

I think you are massively projecting there.

ItsAMessyLife · 04/04/2017 10:51

I think your post is deeply odd. Every single chambermaid on this thread has said that it's helpful.

ThoraGruntwhistle · 04/04/2017 10:52

It's not disrespectful to do part of a chambermaid's job, it speeds things up for them. It would be disrespectful to wait for them to arrive to do the room, seize the clean sheets from them and remake the beds whilst shouting 'I'll do it, you'll only get it wrong!'

Goldfishjane · 04/04/2017 10:52

Glittery do you have any idea how hard some of these staff work? If I can save them 30 seconds I will. Tbh I don't go away much but I can tell you if I don't see the maid, I would still strip the bed.

Glitterspy · 04/04/2017 10:52

ItsAMessyLife Why on earth are you embarrassed for me?! How strange, If you can so easily be "embarrassed" by someone else's viewpoint then you have little place on a public internet forum. I thought Mumsnet was supposed to be about discussing points from different perspectives?

NotYoda · 04/04/2017 10:53

I think shitting on the sheets and dropping food on the floor would be massively disrespectful

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