To think these women are arseholes?

[Flypaperforarseholes]

Spent the weekend away with a group of women (most of whom I don't know) for a friend's birthday.
10 of us in total, 2 of whom (including the Laura, whose birthday we were celebrating) I have been friends with for 10+ years.
Shared a twin with Nora, on Sunday morning, before going to breakfast, we packed ready to check out. I then stripped the beds and collected the used towels together.
We went down for breakfast and Laura laughingly asked if I'd stripped the beds yet. It is a bit of a standing joke amongst us because it's something I've always done in hotels. One of the other women, Paula, asked what it was about and I explained. She was quite taken aback and asked why I felt the need to do it/don't I like to relax etc. She drew it to the attention of the whole group and took to calling me Mrs Mop for the rest of the day. A bit irritating but didn't bother me really.
This evening, a message from Paula came up in the watsapp group which had been set up at the planning stage of the trip.
"Thank you for a lovely weekend, girls. Laura, do give me flypaperforarseholes number, good help is so hard to come by these days. LOL!"
A few laughter emojis and "LOL"'s from some of the other women. Nothing from Paula or Nora yet.
Am I BU to think these women are arseholes?! It hasn't bothered me massively, in large part due to the fact that I found Paula a pretentious bore of a woman and thus give a minimum of fucks about what she thinks of me but I'm surprised that this such a small thing seems to have become quite the focal point for her. I'm assuming she doesn't realise I'm on the group chat because I haven't actually messaged on it. These women are school mum friends of Lauras and I don't want her to get caught in the middle so haven't replied...yet.

ithakabythesea , I didn't mention it to Laura, dear, she called me about it. Do try to keep up.
Had Laura expressed a desire to shit in their hands, that would be aggressive
Chloe84 what's weird about it? At that point, it was calling me Mrs Mop and referring to me as possible "help". Both things I thought were irritating and ill-judged but not something I wanted to get into an argument over and risk Laura getting sucked into it . Laura had some of the other women message her about further comments made by Paula, the particulars of which I don't know. Judging by how badly it pissed Laura off, it was pretty strong stuff. And what's wrong with being a feisty fecker? It means she's not easily intimidated, will stand her ground and won't be bothered by the prospect of a cold shoulder at the school gates. What would you have done in her position?

Etiquette: A tight scrape

newsok.com/article/5528467

A reader asks about protocol for clearing table at a dinner party.
A reader asks about protocol for clearing table at a dinner party.
QUESTION: At a recent dinner party, the hostess got up to remove the plates from the table and started scraping the food onto one plate in order to stack the plates. That didn't seem right to me at the time, but I didn't get up to help her either. Is there a correct way to clear the table?

CALLIE'S ANSWER: Depending on how formal your dinner party is, that is not what to do at a formal setting. Remove how many you can carry without scraping food in front of your guests.

LILLIE-BETH'S ANSWER: I don't think scraping plates at the table sounds like the most appetizing way to finish a meal at a dinner party, even if it might be efficient. Next time, offer to help and start clearing the dishes — all the way to the kitchen. Then finish scraping in the kitchen. Perhaps your offer will snap the person out of what he or she is doing at the table and the disruption and direct the plate-scraping to the other room.

HELEN'S ANSWER: Remove the plates from the table with everything intact. Take one plate per hand and remove from the right side of the guest. If you start stacking and scraping dishes, it makes a lot of noise, and interrupts the conversation at the table. Guests could offer to help, but take guidelines from your hostess, and if she says no thank you, sit back down.

During the holidays, there is a lot of food choice so some items might be left on the plate, but don't be tempted to scrape the foods together. Just remove them from the table.

QUEST'S ANSWER: Kate Stanton, assistant vice president, University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center Student Affairs: Stacking and scraping dishes, in front of guests would communicate to me it is time to exit the building and say “good night.”

PollyPerky:

I don't feel terribly sorry for chambermaids, nor am I patronising them. I just think it's a kind thing, to want to help someone when you are aware they are likely to be pressed for time.

No-one has been able to say why this might irritate them, as the other guest in the room. I am going to assume it is just a combination of being a bit Hyacinth Bouquet about having 'paid for the service' and being a bit of a nosey git.

I read a thread on Reddit years ago and someone mentioned that their grandmother chastised them for stacking plates in restaurant as it 'shows your breeding'.

Horrid comment but I guess the only people that would stack plates in a restaurant and strip beds in hotels are those that have worked as waitresses and chambermaids.

Strangely enough, Marmalade, it was the posh girls at my posh university who had done the most chambermaiding during their posh-kid holiday jobs as chalet maids in posh ski resorts. And I assure you that they would not, outside the context of those jobs, have dreamed of stripping sheets and stacking plates. Not because such tasks were beneath them, plainly they weren't; but because as customers, these things were part of the service for which they are paying.

I would leave a room reasonably tidy, but not strip linen. I absolutely would not stack plates - cringe! Grabbing someone else's grubby plate and cutlery, scrape, scrape in front of everyone, squish the leftovers all on one plate, clatter clatter with cutlery. Horrible bossy bad manners. And you shouldn't do it in a restaurant with your kids, but not in a posh one (OP suggested it was OK in one context, but not in another) , because your children learn from you. Behave politely to staff, tip well for good service and, better still, campaign for better wages!

I also take glasses back to the bar, perhaps I should kill myself, I am so declasse.

NavyAndWhite Yes, we had to declare any tips given to us, whether in person ir left with a noye in the room. Not declaring a tip would have put us at risk of being accused of theft as we were not allowed to have any money or valuables on us in the hotel and management could have us searched by security. I personally found it hugely embarrassing to have money pressed into my hand by a guest.

I can say why - as the other guest in the room - it would irritate me!

It would remind me of my Mother stripping the bed on a weekend, when I didn't want to get out of it! It would have me hopping around on one foot whilst thinking WTAF is she doing. It would make me embarrassed if I had a heavy period and there was evidence of that. It would be such a peculiar thing to have my friend stripping my bed for me!

That'll do for now!

I never strip the bed, but I put the towels in the bath. There is usually a notice asking you to do this if you want them changed.

Roussette:

I have specifically said (and I believe so has the OP), we are talking about someone stripping their OWN bed. I wouldn't dream of stripping someone else's bed.

Errr.... Trifle. The OP said she stripped the beds in her first post. She stripped her friends bed too

Here
I then stripped the beds and collected the used towels together

I would feel like my friend was shaming me to get my duster out and polish!

Oh, OP also stripped the bed that her fellow guest had been sleeping in???? OK, I definitely wouldn't have done that! That is a a bit of a boundary ishooo - I'm already a bit antsy 'cos I'm sharing a room with someone I don't know, (shitting, pissing and showering in close proximity to someone I don't know - I'd have joined the armed forces if i wanted that sort of thing!) and now I'm concerned they might be noticing my night sweats, stray pubes and menses among the creased sheets? Urghh, mortifying!

So, I'd have thought you Way Too Much. But I certainly wouldn't have said anything, apart from a feeble, 'Oh, please don't worry about doing that, it's really fine." Which if you had ignored to continue on your own sweet way, is just ROOD, my dear! And I absolutely wouldn't have made snide little jokes either in person or on social media or whatever it was this little coterie were using.

MrsDesiree Laura a dressed the issue on the group chat because remarks had been made both on the group chat and in person to the other members of the group chat. The women who weren't involved were the ones who were uncomfortable enough with the comments to have approached Laura about them and Laura made it clear the message wasn't aimed at them.
Stripping a bed isn't patronising, stacking plates isn't patronising and I don't feel sorry for hotel or waiting staff. I do it because I appreciate the difficulties in their jobs. The same as when I am shopping in a supermarket, I return the trolley to a trolley bay rather than abandoning it in the middle of the car park. The same as I will put litter in a park bin rather not than dropping it on the floor, the same as I wouldn't leave a public toilet dirty. Yes, there are people paid to do these jobs but it's not difficult to just do these small things and perhaps lighten the load for someone else. If that's weird then I'm happy to be weird. And if confronting someone who has been unnecessarily unkind and snobby about a friend is aggressive, then I'm happy to have "aggressive" friends

Sorry, Roussette.

No, you don't strip someone else's bed. That's rude.

Got any humble pie for me?

Got any humble pie for me?

Just be sure and scrape and stack that plate, missy!!!!

But still, Navy, why would it annoy you if someone else (not you) stripped their own bed?

No worries Trifle! No humble pie just a helping of trifle I bloody love trifle, it's one of my favourite puds

Cromwell she isn't a stranger, we've been friends for 10+ years and she isn't in any way uncomfortable as a result of my little foibles, she has her own that I am equally accepting of
Rousette if you felt shamed, that would be your own issue. If you're comfortable with not stripping the bed, why would someone else doing theirs shame you?! As I've said numerous times, I do not expect anyone else to do it and would never dream of telling them to/insinuating they should . So why should I feel "deeply odd", or any of the other choice phrases used up thread, because I do choose to do it? Christ, it's not a reflection on anyone else!

Putting my trolley back and not throwing litter on the floor is not the same as stripping beds in hotel rooms! The former is just signs of being a decent human being. The latter is... can't think what. A strange thing to do in my book. Scraping plates is just as bad!

To all those chambermaids and waitresses it might help, there will be just as many like me who it doesn't!

I haven't said I would feel shamed at her doing her own bed. I'd just think WTAF, is she still drunk from last night! But yes, I would hate her stripping my bed and would lie in it until she stopped trying to do it

NavyAndWhite the difference is? Do you return trolleys/ leave public toilets dirty/ leave clothes on changing room floors because someone else gets paid to take care of it all?

I may put litter in the correct place, return trolleys etc but I do draw the line at cleaning public toilets! I do my best not to be messy but I'm buggered if I'm carrying round rubber gloves in case I do!