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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men on gynae ward

415 replies

roarityroar · 03/04/2017 12:55

Yesterday I was taken into hospital after heavy bleeding. I needed a blood transfusion and then went into theatre for surgery. They ask you to keep all sanitary pads to show how much you're bleeding, which is obviously very personal and after the general anaesthetic I felt groggy and vulnerable.

There are 4 beds in this ward with curtains. Two of the other three women have their partners here. I feel pretty vulnerable as it is and given it's the gynaecology ward AIBU to really not want random non-HCP men just a curtain away when I'm bleeding from my sodding vagina?

OP posts:
DJBaggySmalls · 03/04/2017 17:05

UnbornMortificado Flowers

treaclesoda · 03/04/2017 17:05

I'm finding it really unconfortable to see how it seems that only women spaces (gyne and post natal wards) seem to need to be open to all and at all times.

I think there is actually an explanation for that, which is that women, having treatment for 'female things' seem to be far more likely to be denied adequate care, and especially adequate pain relief.

Darbs76 · 03/04/2017 17:06

There isn't much privacy in hospital but don't think you can do anything about partners husbands visiting them. Unless you pay for a private room.
I just got out of hospital 2wks ago after a 3wk stay after a major surgery. In the high dependancy it was shared ward. Didn't matter too much as no-one was walking around (only with physio) as too sick. To be honest I was to sick to care

expatinscotland · 03/04/2017 17:07

You may have been, but that's pretty substandard to put a critically ill patient who 'may not last the night' in a normal ward. I certainly wouldn't have been happy if that had been my spouse, child or loved on. Someone who 'may not last the night' surely needs to be in a critical care environment where the HCPs have resuss equipment right there and skills to assist survival. Someone that ill should surely be in that type of environment. That's not marvellous at all.

RestlessTraveller · 03/04/2017 17:08

Also expat Darbs has a point. If I'd ended up in HDU it would have probably
been a mixed ward. Not that that would
bother me.

smallchanceofrain · 03/04/2017 17:09

Hope you are on the mend OP. YANBU. When I has DS1 I had an emergency c-section and woke up in 6 bed ward. The other 5 women all had their partners with them almost 24-7. I had a corner cubicle, no natural light, unbearably hot and I spent 3 days behind my curtains, struggling to get in and out of bed, learn how to breastfeed, deal with my wound and bleeding etc. The whole time I was aware that all I had between me and the doting dads was a bit of polyester. They went through every challenge with me, from my night time sobbing to my catheter removal. I know people didn't mean any harm as they watched me shuffle to the bathroom but it was horrible. I signed myself out early because it was unbearable. Regardless of what people are in hospital for they should be able to preserve a bit of dignity and have privacy for intimate care tasks and medical information.

Darbs76 · 03/04/2017 17:11

If partners are there all night and it's against the ward policy then ask to speak to the nursing manager on the shift and explain this. I don't agree they should be there outside of visiting hours and definite not after 9pm

Original poster
roarityroar · 03/04/2017 17:11

U2 - 100% agree

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 03/04/2017 17:11

I've been in hospital quite a few times and the only time I ever was on a single sex ward was in maternity. I've always thought that single sex wards were a bit of a myth if I'm honest.

expatinscotland · 03/04/2017 17:13

'Also expat Darbs has a point. If I'd ended up in HDU it would have probably
been a mixed ward. Not that that would
bother me.'

That's not a point at all. HDUs and ICUs have much stricter visiting hours, IME (well, the open ones did, DD1 was in a side room due to having no immune system) and those who were so critical death was expected, they tried to move such patients to a side room. It's just shocking that you were so critically ill your spouse was told you 'may not last the night' and no accommodation was made to transfer you to a HDU or ICU facility where there are medics trained to perform life-saving procedures that wouldn't be as readily available on a non-critical care unit.

Cocolepew · 03/04/2017 17:13

YANBU. I've spent a lot of time on gynae wards that have been strict about visiting. The door was locked outside visiting hours. DH was buzzed in around teatime sometimes because he was on his way home from work and we had two small children, he stayed a much shorter time. Some days he didn't manage to visit but that wasn't a problem the DDs needed him more and he needed to work or he wouldn't get paid.
Glad to hear you are home, hope your recovery goes well.

Darbs76 · 03/04/2017 17:15

When I was moved to the ward 2 people died of heart attacks in the week I was there. I was told they were very poorly. Pretty shocking they weren't in HDU as the 2 weeks I spent there we had some patients who weren't very sick at all. One even went to the cafe for 2hrs. When the doctor asked where she was he said well just proves she doesn't need intensive care and moved her. It can be hard to get beds as I think most are reserved for post surgical patients who stay 1/2 nights. I had complications hence 2wk stay

Original poster
roarityroar · 03/04/2017 17:15

Also - near death is obviously an exception.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 03/04/2017 17:17

' Pretty shocking they weren't in HDU as the 2 weeks I spent there we had some patients who weren't very sick at all.'

Very shocking.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/04/2017 17:19

when I had gynae surgery partner and kids came for 1 hour that evening, as did everyone else. the visiting hours were fully respected and we had 4 bed bays

same when I gave birth (same hospital), the hours were the hours

where the fuck are these awful hospitals that inflict this misery on their patients? and I speak as someone who has spent a lot of time in Hospitals with chronically ill parent

the ONLY time we did an all nighter, someone was dying and even then we took dam good care to respect others

Andrewofgg · 03/04/2017 17:24

Flowers and a full and quick recovery to you, OP.

But I can't say it was wrong that I was allowed to visit DW on a gynae ward during limited - and strictly enforced hours. I walked straight past the other patients and didn't bother them, and I hope my mere presence did not bother them, but DW wanted me to visit and of course I did.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/04/2017 17:24

stitch if women have a specific reason for not being able to tolerate a male presence then they should surely announce such an additional need and be given the additional privacy. I don't think that is a reason to assume all women feel exceptionally vulnerable in the presence of men or to exclude men from all wards just in case

Not wanting visitors about outside of visiting hours is not an additional need but wanting visitors outside of visiting hours is an additional want.

5moreminutes · 03/04/2017 17:24

Answers

"If you feel that vulnerable then maybe you should have your partner stay too"

Sounds like two steps away from Afghanistan ...

Are you seriously suggesting that women who feel uncomfortable with unknown, unvetted adult men in the room they are sleeping in should get their own man in to chaperone?

Women without partners and with partners who need to be at home looking after their small children presumably have to accept feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable, or perhaps they shouldn't be out in public without a man to look after them?

BeanSprout79 · 03/04/2017 17:32

That happened to me, first baby and had a lot of bleeding and I was terrified as they said I might have an ectopic pregnancy, I was admitted late in the evening and wanted the support of my dh as I was terrified, some women need their other halves there.

Original poster
roarityroar · 03/04/2017 17:42

Many women don't have a partner and they get through. I cannot believe someone suggested that when I'm bleeding, in pain and unclothed I should bring in my own menz to the FEMALE ward because they want their man

OP posts:
SailAwayWithMeHoney · 03/04/2017 17:58

YANBU Roar. Not in the slightest.

When I had an emcs I was shoved on a ward of 6, the other 5 women had their partners with them 24/7. It was fucking hell. And it was the same when I was recovering an op on the gynae ward aswell, 4 bed ward, the three other women had their partners 24/7. It was stressful, hellish and absolutely hindered my recovery. But ofcs, what could I say, seeing as their rights to have "support" trumped my need to not be surrounded by strange men when at my most vulnerable Hmm

Wishing you a speedy recovery, I'm glad you've been discharged Flowers

DioneTheDiabolist · 03/04/2017 18:08

Why were the men there OP?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/04/2017 18:11

OP I am
Pleased you are home Smile

Can I check this - that in your case these visitors did NOT adhere to the rules and where there 24/7 Shock

Inertia · 03/04/2017 18:11

Visitors (of either sex) during visiting hours is the compromise that strikes the most reasonable balance between preserving patient dignity and providing spousal/family support to those patients who can have visitors.

The curtain offers little privacy or dignity at any time; however, hospitals could arrange their visiting hours so that intimate examinations/ doctors' rounds take place before visitors arrive. Inpatients can use the showers and get changed before visitors arrive, and again in the evening once visitors have gone, without the risk of doing this in front of anyone except other patients.

It doesn't matter what anyone else's husband is or isn't interested in seeing- the patients need to be on the ward, and they shouldn't have to sleep and share bathroom facilities with non-patients.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/04/2017 18:12

And all these wards - don't they have written visiting
Hours - can't get my head around this travesty ?