Men on gynae ward

[roarityroar]

Yesterday I was taken into hospital after heavy bleeding. I needed a blood transfusion and then went into theatre for surgery. They ask you to keep all sanitary pads to show how much you're bleeding, which is obviously very personal and after the general anaesthetic I felt groggy and vulnerable.

There are 4 beds in this ward with curtains. Two of the other three women have their partners here. I feel pretty vulnerable as it is and given it's the gynaecology ward AIBU to really not want random non-HCP men just a curtain away when I'm bleeding from my sodding vagina?

I think people should be able to be in 2-bay rooms with one other member of the same gender at the most. This is normal for the majority of Western Europe and we spend similar amounts on healthcare to them. There is no need for our expectations to be so low. We are just being trained to expect as little as possible, while spending a fair wedge anyway. I think we're being softened up for privatisation. Plus there's a fair degree of misdirected resources as well.

I don't know why we even build hospitals with these stupid curtained partitioned rooms, full of germs and members of the public, with coffee shops and minimarts and so on in all the main corridors bringing even more noise and germs in. Hospitals are supposed to be quiet and clean, but all the UK ones I visit are more like overheated 1970s shopping malls in their ambience.

You don't come across cabinet ministers and royals having to sleep fitfully with loads of other randoms around within farting distance. If they don't expect to be treated like that, we shouldn't. If the cabinet want us to put up with that they should be seen using these facilities more often in their hour of need.

Meanwhile, OP, I am totally with you on this. I am not shy in the least but even I would be daunted by random blokes being within my psychic radar after a gynae operation. In fact I would probably discharge myself in a fit of exhaustion and pain.

Sorry you may have already said but have you mentioned to the staff about the men not sticking to visiting times? Could you as for a private room? Hope you are ok.

I wouldn't mind female partners if quiet outside visiting hours.

Of course visiting hours should be enforced with the exception of patients who are dying, who should ideally be in a private room. Allowing visitors to stay overnight is absurd.
Why even bother calling them hospitals anymore if anyone can stay? Hospitals are for patients ie the people needing the care, and staff, with limited visitors allowed at set times.
My sister was in hospital a few months ago (not a gynae problem), she had to discharge herself because the numbers of noisy inconsiderate visitors were driving her mad, making it impossible to rest and recover.

Just been discharged. Thank god.

I think YANBU if the issue is visitors outside of hours. I think YABU if the issue is only with male visitors.

Glad you're home now.

Issue with male visitors is same as issue of men in changing rooms. We have single sex wards that - out of visiting hours - should be single sex spaces.

I'm really surprised by many of the comments on here. I think that rest and privacy so everyone can recuperate without additional fear, embarrassment, discomfort etc when a patient is at their most vulnerable should be the first concern, except in true exceptions.

My dad is currently spending most days with my mum on a gynae ward, outside of visiting hours. Because she's dying, and he can't bear to be without her. I seriously doubt he's even aware of anyone else around him but my mum to be honest.
I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable OP, but sometimes there are situations you wouldn't know fully from just glancing at them.

Way U.

I have anxiety and would have many severe panic attacks if my DH didn't stay with me in circumstances like this - you don't know anything about these other women, the partners being there could be essential for them too.

If you feel that vulnerable then perhaps you should have your partner stay too.

But feel better soon anyway

A few years ago I had an infection in my womb which only manifested itself
when I began to hemmorrhage in a quite spectacular fashion. I was blue-lighted to a gynae ward where my partner was told
I may not last the night. No one could have stopped him sitting there all night. Had he been sent home and I hadn't been so
fortunate I would have died scared and alone.

I think that for cases where a partner is dying all rules can be bent, though why we don't have private rooms for them I don't understand; surely it makes most compassionate sense to allow them as much privacy as possible. For all other cases I think visiting hours ought to be adhered to.

When our eldest was born we had to go to a city hospital away from our local, due to complications. We were there for a few weeks, and the ward staff were seriously strict about visiting times - the dads on the ward were made very aware of times they could and couldn't be there. Even when ours was born (middle of the night job) I could only accompany them back to the ward so far before I was told I'd have to go.

Visitors shouldn't be allowed overnight unless someone is at serious risk of dying in the middle of the night.

More people = more noise, more risk of contamination etc etc. More strain on shared facilities. In places where people are ill and need rest the number of people should be kept to a minimum.

Understaffing is probably to blame - families do the little things nurses don't have time for, and I imagine it makes their lives easier having visitors there (helpful ones obviously). It's not right and it's not fair on those without support.

YANBU I'm on the labour ward having just had a surgical stitch, I'm (through some miracle) in a private room, when I get shifted onto the ward DH will go.

I gave birth in a+e at 18 weeks on a Friday night surrounded by drunks (predominantly male) it was fucking horrible.

YASNBU

Visiting times is one thing, all night and day is quite another and it should not be allowed.

I don't care how many other women want their husbands there all night for support, it should not happen.

Exception being patients who are palliative of course, but we always try to move them to side rooms where possible.

There will be women who have been sexually abused and find men they don't know staying over a threat. There will be women who are just uncomfortable with men overhearing their medical needs and that should come first.

Lots of women would want their husbands to stay over because it's much nicer for them in many ways but no women should have to feel threatened by men staying over when they are in hospital.

It's meant to be a safe space, and you might know your husband is not interested in my medical condition and that he isn't going to stare at me when I walk to the toilet all bloody, or that he won't hurt me. But I don't.

I am glad you have been discharged and I hope you feel better soon

' I was blue-lighted to a gynae ward where my partner was told
I may not last the night.'

And you were on a gynae ward, not HDU or ICU? I'd be complaining about the care in such an instance, tbh. That's scary, that a patient who is that ill would be in a ward setting and not in HDU or ICU.

Seeing the great number of people who have anxiety etc.. and absolutely NEED a partner with them all day and night, i am really wondering why on earth the NHS even put in place visiting times and same sex wards.

Or that's because too many visitors mean a lot of noise and that patients just can't rest and sleep (think argument between the patient and the visitor, loud talking etc...)
That's because women should be protected from the glare of men. See men making disgusting comments about seeing a woman having stained by pants during their periods. What would they say if they saw a woman covered in what could be described as menstruel blood?
Or maybe that's because it's not appropriate to have men being able to see a woman backside (thanks to the very nice open at the back NHS outfits).
Etc etc

There are some very good reasons why there are some visitting times and why we have same sex wards.
I'm finding it really unconfortable to see how it seems that only women spaces (gyne and post natal wards) seem to need to be open to all and at all times.
Whereas you would never see that in other departments (eg when my MIL was in the cardiac ward for open heart surgery). I'm sure no one would go in and on about how patients need support. People are usually complaining about how it's impossible to rest because there are too many people, they are obnoxious etc...
No one would be happy to have visitors around when they have to talk about their back passage or having to have cather put in.
And then you have the patient who is deteriorating on the ward. The one where nurses end up having to do CPR. The one that dies. Do we really want visitors to be around all day and night and in the way of the HCP doing their job in those circumstances?

I really think that in SOME cases, it is good to have a partner around. I do understand why you would want your partner to be there for a miscarriage. But then so many other situations could warrant that too. The open surgery being a good example (being worried of not waking before surgery being one of them).
How can we determine what is and isn't ok.

And why is it ok for some people to be very vocal about how it would be awful to stop their partner to come in but somehow it's not ok for other to be vocal about the fact they don't want men in the ward all day long???

BTW curtains offer fuck all privacy from overhearing conversations.

I think it is disgusting that so many posters think their wants trumps other women's rights to feel safe in hospital.

My husband was in hospital a couple of years ago and he suffers with severe anxiety and depression. He had many panic attacks but he just had to deal with it because I couldn't and wouldn't stay over. It wasn't nice but I don't think I should have been allowed to stay over because of it.

I would also want to add to those saying
'If you feel vulnerable, maybe you should have your kparrtenr staying too'
That implies that

• all women can have a partner to compensate for the feeling vulnerable
• that said partner can be there DAY and night, aka no children to look after, no work to go to etc...

It sounds to me that a lot of women wouldn't be able to get that sort fo support. Is that a reason good enough to deny those women the right to feel safe?

Glad you've been discharged

I don't think it's like a changing room at all. Being in a hospital is something that most people don't choose and more often than not emotional support is needed. You want someone who cares by your side.

I had a pretty rough post natal recovery and my DH was very supportive. My MIL doesn't leave near us and my mum passed away a few years ago. I'm an only child, so no sisters o SILs. Most of my female friends with children live abroad.
Should I have been left alone?

I would mind female visitors outside visitor hours. I would have been fuming if the woman next to me could have had her female partner, mother, sister or friend with them 24/7 whilst my DH gets pushed away.

expat Nope, very small hospital HDU was
full. As were many other wards. There was actually an old lady who had had a fall in the bed opposite me because her ward was full
also. I couldn't fault the care I received, it was marvellous!

Oh so now if others feel uncomfortable etc with having males on the ward they also have to get their partners to stay?
And how does this work? You realize not everyone has a partner? You do realize that not all partners are able to stay because of children at home? Or what kids stay as well?
So either people pluck a partner out of thin air or stfu about them being uncomfortable.

'expat Nope, very small hospital HDU was
full.'

That's just shocking that they didn't transfer a critically ill patient to a hospital that had beds in HDU and/or ICU.

Meh. As I said I was more than happy with the care I received. The NHS is a wonderful thing.