Men on gynae ward

[roarityroar]

Yesterday I was taken into hospital after heavy bleeding. I needed a blood transfusion and then went into theatre for surgery. They ask you to keep all sanitary pads to show how much you're bleeding, which is obviously very personal and after the general anaesthetic I felt groggy and vulnerable.

There are 4 beds in this ward with curtains. Two of the other three women have their partners here. I feel pretty vulnerable as it is and given it's the gynaecology ward AIBU to really not want random non-HCP men just a curtain away when I'm bleeding from my sodding vagina?

sailawaywithme
"Ofcs, what could I say, seeing as their need for "support" trumped my need to not be surrounded by strange men when at my most vulnerable"

This is EXACTLY how I feel. Thank you for articulating it so well.

Yup, men there all the time.

Precisely. The space and facilities are for patients. Not boyfriends/partners.

I was on a gynae ward after my missed miscarriage when I was waiting to have the ERPC. If anyone had tried to tell me my husband should leave, I would have pitched a fit.

We sat quietly with the curtain drawn round us the whole time - nobody was inconvenienced. I doubt the other patients even noticed him.

And what if the other patients pitched a fit to say actually no, they don't want him there?

I arrived on the ward after A&E just before 8. IIRC visiting was 3-8. The lady next to me had family including small children arrived about 8.05 who apologised for traffic, stayed about 20 min then left. No problem with that, totally reasonable. The other two women arrived about 10pm and 8am. The men with them stayed and were there until I was discharged around 2. Judging from what was going on, there was no emergency or panic and it was entirely out of visiting hours. So any time I wanted to go for a wee/change a pad in the night there was a random man between me and the bathroom when I was in the gown and feeling incredibly vulnerable.

My own partner came to A&E with me. I was rushed through and prepped for transfusion and surgery, barely conscious. He stayed with me until we got to the ward, made sure I was settled (5 min tops) then I said he should go. He went home, picked up stuff I needed and dropped them back at the ward reception desk and gave the nurse a note to say he loves me and to call in any emergency. Why? Because my want for some comfort shouldn't trump the privacy of other vulnerable women, especially when there is a highly competent team of HCP there to look after us.

Judging from what was going on, there was no emergency or panic

Unless you have access to their medical records you have no idea as to what was happening.

irrelivant of gender, these people were clearly permitted to stay as per ward policy. It is possible those women were in for a termination or post miscarriage and therefore needed their partners in such an emotional time. Your needs do not put rank theirs.

*out

Theresnonamesleft Quite frankly, I wouldn't have cared. We had just lost a much-wanted baby and I was devastated and terrified about having surgery. He stayed behind the curtain the whole time, only going to the bathroom during visiting hours. We spoke in low voices so as not to disturb anyone.

I'm not saying men - or any visitors, actually - should be wandering about the ward willy-nilly - obviously there are ways to be considerate - but he wasn't doing anyone any harm.

In an ideal world, we'd all have private rooms. But that's not going to happen.

The problem isn't your husband/partner who's a lovey guy. Let's say he wasn't there but the woman next to you, her husband is a rapist. Now do you want him on the ward? While you sleep?
Not every man is lovely and short of a CRB/criminal record/DNA test at the door, they can't filter out the shit ones
So some men will be trying to cop an eyeful, they will be looking at vulnerable women, and they will try to sexually assault them
This shouldn't happen on any ward but a gynae ward leads itself to possibly being.. More sexual? That's not the right word but you know what I mean.
More exposed maybe than another kind of ward

Piglet, completely agree. My mother had a severe condition but she had been a nurse all her life and was proud (and stubborn!) so whenever she was in hospital she was always cheerful and didn't demand anything.
Last time she went into hospital she was sweet to everybody, you'd had thought she was there for the free custard.
Came home on a Friday to rest for a few days before an agressive treatment was due to start. Passed away, unexpectedly, on Saturday night.

Never, never assume. Esp at a hospital.

It was not within visiting hours. They just didn't leave and staff didn't enforce. How many times...

Exactly Ollivander.
Or let's say for a moment that the woman in the next bed has suffered rape trauma or abuse herself (which could very easily stick her on a gyne or pre or post natal ward), and whilst trying to recover from whatever gynae op/illness she's having to lie in bed surrounded by the sound of strange men's voices. So being in a doubly vulnerable state and unable to voice her concerns because well, that's just darn selfish of her to be thinking of herself and not all the other women in the ward and their right to have their hubby there.

Peach - if your husband genuinely only visited by facilities during visiting hours and no one knew he was there then not only does he clearly have a bladder of steel but what other patients didn't know I suppose didn't hurt them.

The point is having men wandering around 24:7 on a female ward, especially gynaecology IS NOT OK

Exactly sail. Exactly.

When I was on gynae, the only men who stayed the night were those whose partners were/had just lost their babies. It sounds as though that could have been the case for the two admissions you saw OP.

Do you really think your feelings regarding the presence of "menz" trumps those of couples who have just lost their babies?

Exactly roarity. There is a world of difference between partners being there during visiting hours, and partners being there whilst vulnerable women (from all kinds of backgrounds) are trying to sleep at all hours of the night.

So the only men who were present were the OH's of the women who had been admitted? Rather than a group of visitors?
I've read the thread in phases, but it seems to me that a lot of people are saying that rather visiting rules can be bent if someone is dying. But if this ward is where patients are brought when they are miscarrying then someone is dying, the child of the patient and visitor.
In our hospital there are strict visiting hours but spouses/partners are allowed to visit whenever they want. The visiting hours are for anyone else, friends, family, children.

Due to the very thin curtains, I know for a fact they hadnt. I wasn't listening in, the doctor's voice woke me up.

That's not the point though. It's a female space. They were there outside of visiting hours when I was having Examinations, bleeding etc. It's just not ok.

Ollivander I** don't really see how a gynae ward is any more 'exposing' than any other ward. The curtain, the hospital gown, the discussion of medical issues - it's all the same. Certainly I felt more vulnerable when I was immobile post-surgery on a general ward and the doctor was discussing something bottom-related with me than I did any of the three times I've ended up on the gynae ward! The gynae ward is single-gender purely because men don't get gynae issues, it's not because hospitals think gynae patients need more privacy and I don't see why it should be treated any differently.

Similarly, I don't see why we're not all up in arms about the potential for women being raped on other wards (I mean, maybe some people are and there's definitely a discussion to be had about the need for more nursing staff to ensure wards are manned at all times).

Roar I wasn't in overnight so my husband had no problem only using the bathroom during visiting hours. If he'd needed to go any other time I would have gone out first to make sure nobody was around to be disturbed.

All that said, I wouldn't have expected my husband - or any visitor - to be able to stay overnight and I think when there is a genuine reason for someone to stay overnight (the loss of a baby, life-threatening illness etc) the patient should be allocated a private room. But that's nothing to do with him being a man - it's to do with patients needing quiet for sleep.

If you'd come into the thread complaining that visitors had stayed overnight or that a patient had several visitors who were being noisy outside visiting hours I would have had every sympathy. People should be considerate on a hospital ward. But I don't see why a gynae ward should suddenly be required to be more private than any other ward and therefore men should be banned. In fact I'd say that if anything, it's MORE likely that a male visitor should be allowed to stay for extended hours on a gynae ward, given there are women there being treated for miscarriages, threatened miscarriages etc.

If you want to campaign for separate wards for pregnancy loss / infertility where partners are allowed to stay at all times and there's no risk of a woman who's just miscarried being confronted with a new baby, that I can get on board with!

Yanbu but neither are the women who want their partners there I'm afraid. Personally I'm with you & would prefer patients only outside of visiting hours but not everyone is like us & if the hospital allow it not much can be done besides writing a letter with your views.

Apologies for formatting fail.

peach - TBF I would say any ward that is all women, men shouldn't be allowed outside of visiting hours on
People in hospital need rest regardless of the assault/vulnerable/privacy issues

It really goes to show that the NHS can't please everyone. Some people need their partners there. Some don't want them there because they want a female only space.

Both arguments are valid IMO. But in an environment of cuts and overcrowding, it's not going to get better any time soon

bernard people can and do discharge themselves as well. It's a shame that patients are made to feel so uncomfortable in hospital that they feel they have to discharge themselves against medical advice.