Men on gynae ward

[roarityroar]

Yesterday I was taken into hospital after heavy bleeding. I needed a blood transfusion and then went into theatre for surgery. They ask you to keep all sanitary pads to show how much you're bleeding, which is obviously very personal and after the general anaesthetic I felt groggy and vulnerable.

There are 4 beds in this ward with curtains. Two of the other three women have their partners here. I feel pretty vulnerable as it is and given it's the gynaecology ward AIBU to really not want random non-HCP men just a curtain away when I'm bleeding from my sodding vagina?

How long has the NHS openly offered mixed sex sleeping accommodation on wards? Wasn't it supposed to be at most single sex bays if on mixed wards until 7 or 8 years ago with the exception of A&E and ICU with high turn over in A&E and very high staff ratios inICU.

This opens an NHS pdf

"Men and women should not normally have to share sleeping accommodation or toilets" it says in that NHS Dignity in Care document...

I certainly do not like the idea of they being there overnight

I really don't get the problem. You are there to get well. Draw the curtains.men are well aware women bleed and if they are in the gynae ward will undoubtably be now well versed in gynae issues. If they are allowed to stay all night it's because someone has decided the benefits of this to patients outweigh the detriments. You could look into paying for a side room if you need more privacy

Of course gynae is more exposing, I've lost count of the amount of HCP who's checked my blood loss and pads and that's just for a stitch. I imagine hysterectomy and other gynae surgery would require more monitoring/checks.

I get the support thing it's been a godsend having my DH there (in a private room) the way I look at is if I wouldn't feel comfortable with a random bloke hanging about (which I probably wouldn't) then it wouldn't be fair to subject any other women to having my DH there.

Hope your ok Roar

I do think you should write to the hospital OP and say that it made you very uncomfortable. They can only be made aware, so that other women don't have to go through the same indignity in the future. Hope you are soon on the mend .

I've been discharged. Op would have hated to be in recovery, was the only female patient and the staff (behind the curtains) were openly talking about my blood loss and pad changes. I give no shits who heard. The other patients in there will be having their own issues to deal with and although their nurses and surgeons were talking about their ops and care I couldn't tell you who had what done because I didn't care. I burst out crying frequently and had nothing but compassion from the staff and the other patients, did not care. But yes all men are evil and shouldn't be near women with gynae issues.

Should I ever have to go through this again I will be pushing for dh to stay with me and give no shits about the other women.

Selfish, me, only right now.

YANBU. I think some of the posters on this thread have a very blinkered and optimistic view of male behaviour, probably because their own partners are kind, civilised people who would just be looking after their own wives/girlfriends if they were staying with them in the ward, for whatever reason. Unfortunately from personal experience I can assure you that there are plenty of men who will sit in a female ward with their mouths hanging opening, staring and staring at any female patient of whatever age and in whatever state of dress or undress. Just because they can. And a curtain is an absolutely inadequate protection, especially if you have to get up and visit the bathroom, and also when the nurses and doctors want to come in to see you, or when the tea trolley/drug trolley comes around.

But unborn, it wouldn't bother me having a 'random bloke' on a ward any more than having a woman there - I'd be more concerned about the behaviour of the visitor than the gender. But it WOULD bother me to be expected to go through losing our baby without my husband by my side because a female patient didn't think he should be there. So I don't see how we can possibly come to a consensus and therefore the hospital's policy - of addressing it on a case by case basis - seems the most sensible.

Rude, again, that's about behaviour. Of course if a male visitor is there, the curtain should be drawn around the bed he's visiting - there should be no chance of him seeing anyone. Of course if he's behaving inappropriately he should be asked to leave. But I would say the same about female visitors. It's behaviour, not gender.

Really the problem is not who is right between a woman who wants her DP for support and a woman who is uncomfortable around unknown men while in a vulnerable state. Both are understandable.
The problem is how the NHS treats us! No, we shouldn't expect to loose our dignity when in a hospital - as someone said upthread. Just because it is free doesn't mean it is right to be left vulnerable in a ward with thin curtains who don't close properly, having to walk past several people on your way to the bathroom.
You are expected to give personal medical details when other patients can hear.

I am from France, healthcare is free there as well, you usually get either a private room or share a room with one other person. And there is a private bathroom for each room.
Oh and taxes are lower than they are here so it is feasible, just a question of priorities I guess.

But as long as we see other patients as the enemy, instead of questioning how we are treated by the NHS nothing will change

Are there any other types of wards (for adults) where partners are allowed to stay 24/7 or is it just postnatal and gynae wards?

I don't think there should be any general right for partners to stay overnight. I think it should be in exceptional circumstances and in a private room if at all possible.

I had to stay on a gynaecology ward when my son was 2 weeks old after I was readmitted to hospital through A&E for very heavy bleeding. It was a female only ward and I was devastated that my hubby couldn't be by my bed side. Instead he had to sit in a waiting area and a nurse had to ferry my baby backwards and forwards to me every time he needed a feed (I wasn't well enough to look after him on my own really). It was awful, poorly, scared, and separated from my baby, I would have given anything for hubby to be able to stay by my bedside (he did on the labour ward). But, it was a big ward, with flimsy curtains and largely 'older' ladies (not sure if that matters) but I respected why some people may find it uneasy having male visitors on the ward. Each to their own I guess...in an ideal world we'd all have private rooms!

YANBU. Within visiting hours, male partners visiting, fine - as long as they behave. Being loud and obnoxious should result in one warning, then removal. I understand it's still uncomfortable.
And staff should really respect dignity. I've been in hospital a few times in past few years (not gynae, but as private/ sensitive) and hated being made to keep my curtains open. And for the love of gods why do some HCPs think curtains are somehow endowed with magical soundproof qualities?!
Visiting hours should definitely be enforced. I wouldn't want to sleep next to strange men.
hope you get well soon OP.

Peach I wasnt classing miscarriage or babyloss as the "normal" gynae issues. In my trust from past experience that did and should warrant a private room.

I'm sorry that wasn't the case for you.

I was given a private room because of past neonatal losses. I'm not particularly sensitive or shockable but when I'm suffering heavy blood loss, immobile from the waist down and off my face on morphine I wouldn't of been happy with other patients partners being in close proximity.

JigglyTuff Your reply was from a good few hours ago but woah, I was certainly not 'gaslighting' the OP- if you even know what that means?
I am on her side. And sometimes feeling like you can do something about your worry can help, surely it's better to ask or notify a nurse about your concern rather than be distressed on your own. The staff might have become lax about visitors if nobody has commented or spoken up about feeling uncomfortable before and they might think 'everyone's fine with it so this is how we do things'- perhaps bringing up how unpleasant OP is finding it would give them wake-up call (not in a rude way at all, just can't think of a better expression)

This thread reminds me of the time I ended up in gynae with my very young breastfed baby with me.

I was given a side room with ensuite, because babies are too disturbing for other patients, and OH and baby were allowed to stay. OH was given a strict talk about NOT leaving the room unless to leave the hospital and if the nurses saw him outside the room he would be asked to leave. He was told he wasn't allowed to pop in and out for a fag (he doesn't smoke so was fine) or for any other reason. They were clearly concerned for the wider ward being disturbed.

Sad to think in some hospitals they don't care about patients getting as good quality rest as possible. It's common sense that the more people in a room, the harder it is to sleep.

Thankfully we don't now have to worry about the ins and outs of the fact the visitors are male and patients are female in this case, because the OP has stated she would be happy to have visitors outside visiting hours as long as they don't have a penis.

So regardless of anything else, we know the OP is simply sexist on this occasion, and it is indeed all about the evil men that can't be trusted while women would be fine.

Regardless of sex, visiting hours are in place for a reason. The hospital needs to function as a hospital, with doctors and nurses carrying out examinations and medical treatment on patients, and patients need some undisturbed time to rest and recover. Male and female visitors will be on a gynae ward during visiting hours, and even though that might make life on the ward uncomfortable for other patients, if it's only for a few hours it's manageable.

There's no need for non-patients to be on the ward overnight.

I fully understand how distressing miscarriage is- I've been through it several times, including a stay as an in-patient, and going through my first and most advanced-stage mc without my husband even in the same part of the country. IME gynae wards have side rooms where women can be examined and women / couples given information and time to process- ideally all hospitals should provide this , so that women who do need their partners with them outside visiting hours can have that.

I've been on a gynae ward where both my bed and the next bed didn't have curtains at all. The male visitors and children to the ward just stared at me and the woman on the next bed, and it was very uncomfortable.

I've also been on an antenatal ward with four beds to a very small room and seen a pregnant woman's waters break all over the floor in full view of the male family members and children of the women in two of the other beds. On that same ward, I constantly had children messing with my curtains and peeping through the gaps, which was very awkward and inappropriate.

I do think that the situation with visitors and overnight stays needs to be properly thought out and enforced. In my last antenatal stay, it was clear that HCPs couldn't actually operate properly around patients and beds to do obs because of the sheer amount of people in the room and all their associated stuff.

It also creates difficulties when partners stay overnight and try to sleep on chairs. The room temperature increases, the air become stuffy, the ventilation is insufficient etc. On some wards I've been on, the space to sleeping person ratio with partners staying overnight is less than would be allowed in a prison cell.

So regardless of anything else, we know the OP is simply sexist on this occasion, and it is indeed all about the evil men that can't be trusted while women would be fine.

See, I think this is out of order. 98% of sexual crime is committed by people who own a penis. Therefore many women may have real reason not to want to share space with men when they are trying to sleep.

It is not sexist to want single sex spaces overnight. It is usual in our society to segregate due to sex in hospital wards, changing rooms, toilets etc. There are reasons of dignity and safety. It is not sexist.

Morphene are you deliberately trying to goad?

Are you opposed to any single sex spaces at all, in any context, because you believe any kind of separation of facilities based on biological sex is automatically sexist?

No single sex toilets, no single sex pool changing where it is open plan, no single sex dorm rooms on school residential trips or at boarding schools, no single sex dorms in youth hostels, no single sex prisons, or indeed prison cells, because it is sexist to exclude someone from any space, anywhere, for any period of time on the basis of their sex.

FWIW DH was put on a male ward last year when he had to have surgery due to his testicles twisting. He says he wouldn't of been thrilled with none HCP females seeing and hearing about his hilariously oversized bits.

So it goes both ways.

surely everyone in hospital feels vulnerable. It's shit to have to share a room with just a curtain. But the others on your ward are in the same boat, their partners are just worried about them and not really going to pay you any unwarranted attention.
Hope you get better soon op