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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I treating my son like a slave?

154 replies

ViolentDelights · 02/04/2017 20:06

Because he seems to think so. Hmm He's 6 and a half.

Today I have asked him to do the following; - tidy the toys away in the playroom before getting arts and crafts stuff out,

  • clear the table after each meal (just taking plates into the kitchen - I do the washing up myself),
  • quick hoover of the playroom and living room (they're inter-connected and not that big, and I don't expect him to do under furniture - just what's visible).
  • put his own pile of clean, folded washing away,
  • do a final quick tidy of the playroom before bed.

As a result I have been subjected to a screaming tantrum everytime I've asked him to do something. He has had plenty of play time and active outdoor time inbetween each chore but because his 2 year old sister doesn't have to put her own clothes away (yet) I'm apparently akin to a slave driver. Aibu?

OP posts:
WyfOfBathe · 03/04/2017 00:34

It sounds like a lot in one day to me, but all of the tasks individually sound OK (except the hoovering maybe, and I don't really see the point of him doing it if he's not going to do a proper job of it)

DD is 5, and she:

  • puts away her toys or craft things after playing, with help if needed
  • takes her own plate, cup and cutlery into the kitchen
  • tidies up her bedroom 1x week (it doesn't get very messy) and removes sheet and pillow cases from bed. I remove the duvet cover and put on the clean bedding.
WyfOfBathe · 03/04/2017 00:35

I should say, she also likes helping with mopping and gardening, but it's her choice.

zukiecat · 03/04/2017 01:01

I think the hoovering, clearing up plates and putting away the washing are a bit much for a 6 year old.

Fine to help with these things, but not to do them on his own.

However my view of kids doing chores is skewed because I was my mother's slave from age 8, I had to do all (and I really do mean all) housework every Sunday, and a few nights in between.

As a result I hate doing any kind of housework now, I didn't expect my DDs to do any, and I just do the bare minimum now, DDs now that they're adults do more than me, I'd be here all night explaining everything so I'll just leave it at that

ExplodedCloud · 03/04/2017 01:04

Dd had to hoover today. She's 10 and she needed floor space for a messy project.
Ds is 6 and he said "I'm not your slave!" when DH suggested he put the tablet on to charge. Ds is going to have a tough few years: )

fukkigucci · 03/04/2017 01:07

I think it's fine for him to put his laundry away. My dd's are 9 and 5. 9 year old can put her clothes away in the correct drawers without messing up the folding. Dd5 will put away her knickers/socks/tights. I only ask them to do it if they're around after I've folded, otherwise I'll do it. I hang anything that needs to be hung in the wardrobe.
9 year old will sometimes hoover, 5 year old has on occasion but does a rubbish job!
9 year olds regular jobs - clearing her dishes from the table after a meal, hosing down the shower after she uses it, making her bed, keeping room tidy (I blitz it every week or 2 though). Dirty clothes in the basket. Occasionally 'babysitting' the 18 month old while I take a shower or put laundry on.

5 year olds regular jobs - clearing dishes. Putting away the babies toys every evening. Making her bed. Dirty clothes in the laundry basket. 'Babysitting' the baby when I go to the bathroom.

I think that's about it!

tovelitime · 03/04/2017 08:27

Hoovering and laundry is too much. Can he even move the hoover, I'm not sure my 7 year old could as it's pretty big

skerrywind · 03/04/2017 08:30

I don't ask kids to do any housework.

Childhood is a wonderful carefree time.

pilates · 03/04/2017 08:39

Tidying up toys and clearing the plates away are fine, but not the rest.

QueenieGoldstein · 03/04/2017 08:40

YANBU it just seems a lot came together in one day.

I have a 7.5 year old and her chores are:
Feed the cats at the weekend
Run around with the hoover downstairs to earn a later bedtime (on a Saturday only)
Hoover her bedroom (every other day)
Tidy up her toys (all the bloody time it feels like)
Bring her laundry bag down when needed for washing
Strip her bed and shove everything into a pillow case every fortnight
Clear her plates etc (usually does her sisters too) after meals
Help load the dishwasher (when she's still around, usually do it after she's in bed)
She loves to help with dusting too and has her own Pledge set that she keeps in her cupboard.

DD2 (3.5) has to put her dirty washing in her laundry bag each night.
Pick up her toys and put them away.
Bring her cups to the dishwasher after meals (plates/bowls too if her sister hasn't got there first)

She likes to do the cat biscuits supervised occasionally and she run around with a duster on her head being a princess now and then.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 03/04/2017 09:31

It's way OTT. Putting his toys away and clearing crafts yes and clearing his own plate but the rest is too much. He's an infant child, the adults who care for him should be doing the laundry and the cleaning not him.

If you make him do that much at six, goodness knows what you expect by age 10.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 03/04/2017 09:35

Skerry, mine neither. They know how to do things and that's enough for me. They will spend their adult life working and running a house and childhood should be carefree and fun.

I spent most of my childhood either cleaning or babysitting and the results of that have hugely impacted on me as an adult. It's something I would never repeat, the housework and child care is down to adults to do in my house.

Crumbs1 · 03/04/2017 09:39

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me and I imagine he'll grow into a capable and loving adult. Of course he can sort laundry at six - unless he has particular difficulties. It's good maths practice. If he can kick a football into a goal he can hoover. Lovely to hear you care enough to teach him responsibility from a young age.

PovertyPain · 03/04/2017 09:42

I wish I'd done what you're doing OP. I didn't make the kids do housework as I hated it as a child. They are adults and only the 21yr, who has autism, shows any incentive. I have to constantly ask the older ones to do things. bitter ☹️

smallchanceofrain · 03/04/2017 09:43

I'm amazed how many children do chores. DS's, aged 11 and 8, take their dirty laundry downstairs, unload the dishwasher and pick their stuff up when nagged. They have always like to help and will hoover, but not do a very good job, or help clean the car. They are capable, for example they can wash up, feed the dog, load the washer etc but I don't ask them to do these things. They need to learn life skills, and it's nice if they help but basically it's my job to care for them and nurture then and I would rather they were having fun. Perhaps my view is influenced by the fact that I do the bare minimum of housework anyway. Life's too short. When I'm on my death bed I'm not going to be thinking "I wish I'd done more hoovering"!

Falafelings · 03/04/2017 09:48

Yesterday mine helped wash the car exterior, quickly rake the garden, make his bed, help put his clean clothes away, wipe the table.

My job as a parent is prepare him for adulthood. I would be doing him a disservice if I waited on him hand and foot.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/04/2017 09:49

OP, respect!

Falafelings · 03/04/2017 09:49

Putting on music always gets mine in the right frame of mind for helping. Having a disco while hoovering is much better then just hoovering

PetyrBaelish · 03/04/2017 10:05

But Rainbows, there are other people (me, to an extent) who could tell stories about reaching adulthood and not having many practical skills or familiarity of a routine of keeping the house clean who would also say that they would not want the same for their child. Surely you need a balance?

ClaryBeanHorshAndMe · 03/04/2017 10:09

It sounds fine to me. I think it's actually awesome you're doing that.

Cleaning up after himself/folding his laundry? Very normal imo.

Putting away the dishes? Well, I imagine you set the table, cooked, will do the washing up etc. And bringing the dishes to the kitchen takes what... 5 minutes?

The hoovering... Why not? You said it isn't an everyday thing, right?

But I personally think it's important to structurise this. So he knows what to expect and isn't expecting play time (but it ends up being hoovering time).

Hoovering once a week, for example every Sunday, bringing the dishes to the kitchen everytime he eats at home and always cleaning up after himself. Seems very very reasonable imo.

Rossigigi · 03/04/2017 10:15

I think you are asking a bit much of a 6 year old. Mine do this as teens. But each to their own. If you think it's right then crack on with it.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 03/04/2017 10:20

I think you are doing the right thing actually.

I'm certainly guilty of doing stuff myself because 'they're kids & should be carefree' or I want it done 'properly' or quickly, and it's really not the best thing (for them).

Kids (in hindsight) need to grow up 'doing stuff' because it's good to learn early that it needs doing & they need to do it because they live there too. I think it's even better than set jobs. 'Seeing' something that needs to be done & just doing it is an incredible skill to learn at an early age. If x needs doing, it's not just being done for the sake of it being on a list iyswim.

Unless you have a family of 10 then clearing 'everyones' plate away after a meal is hardly onerous nor is hoovering the playroom/living room. It sounds 'grown up' but it's really not.

Don't doubt yourself, you're doing just fine 💐

Ciderandskatesdontmix · 03/04/2017 11:04

All sounds fine to me. I get my 4 & 5 year olds to put their toys away, take their plates to the kitchen and put their own laundry away. Dd (5) will help load and unload the dishwasher for pocket money as well. If they spill something they are expected to help clean up the mess as well.

harshbuttrue1980 · 03/04/2017 13:07

Does he have time to play and be a child, or are you interrupting him a lot to do the chores? I'm all for kids helping out, but in an age appropriate way. I don't think a 6 year old should be hoovering. I also think its odd that he has to take everyone's dishes to the kitchen - do you all just sit there while the 6 year old cleans up the table? What he has to do is very out of kilter with what other YOUNG CHILDREN have to do, and I wouldn't be surprised if he grew up feeling resentment. He's 6, not 16. He should put away his toys and take his OWN plate to the kitchen, but not have to hoover up or wait on his parents and siblings after eating. It sounds like you want to replicate your own young carer experience with him, and I'm not sure why this is. Don't you want him to have a more carefree childhood than you had?

Allthewaves · 03/04/2017 13:09

Nope standard day in our house - hoovering they adore weirdly, clothes putting away not so much

Allthewaves · 03/04/2017 13:11

We all do our chores together so one of my dc will be asking up with me, one will be tidying and one will be hoovering. When me and washing up dc are finished we help the other two who are hovering and tidying. only takes 30min or so each night after dinner. my dc are 3,5,8