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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I treating my son like a slave?

154 replies

ViolentDelights · 02/04/2017 20:06

Because he seems to think so. He's 6 and a half.

Today I have asked him to do the following; - tidy the toys away in the playroom before getting arts and crafts stuff out,

clear the table after each meal (just taking plates into the kitchen - I do the washing up myself),
quick hoover of the playroom and living room (they're inter-connected and not that big, and I don't expect him to do under furniture - just what's visible).
put his own pile of clean, folded washing away,
do a final quick tidy of the playroom before bed.

As a result I have been subjected to a screaming tantrum everytime I've asked him to do something. He has had plenty of play time and active outdoor time inbetween each chore but because his 2 year old sister doesn't have to put her own clothes away (yet) I'm apparently akin to a slave driver. Aibu?

OP posts:

limon · 02/04/2017 20:43

That's quite a lot for a 6 year old tbh.

PollytheDolly · 02/04/2017 20:44

You are setting him up OP.........

To be a wonderful husband one day

PollytheDolly · 02/04/2017 20:45

And I'm jealous he's got a little Henry Hoover.

Original poster

ViolentDelights · 02/04/2017 20:46

Oh no bluetrews, chopping veg is one of the things he asks to do himself. I'd rather he didn't because it adds half an hour to the prep time, which I spend hovering next to him and worrying about him cutting himself.

OP posts:

Expatosaurus · 02/04/2017 20:47

I do the same Violent. If he complains he's bored or asks for the tv whilst I'm changing the beds he's allowed to come and help me with the pillow cases. But I don't insist or interrupt him if he's playing to do it.

Audreyhelp · 02/04/2017 20:47

Just do a bit of tidying after himself definitely not hoovering at six .
Let him be a child and enjoy life.

Okite · 02/04/2017 20:48

My DD is 6.5 and I'd ask her to do most of the things you listed. Everyone takes their own plate or helps clear the table. Everyone gets their own pile of laundry to put away (admittedly my 6 year old usually 'puts it away' in a pile on the bed and I do it later). She doesn't Hoover but she loves to steam-mop the kitchen floor. She also can't actually tidy anything up it seems, she's the messiest child ever, but we still try.
As long as it's not every day, I don't see a big problem.

EineKleine · 02/04/2017 20:48

They're all ok as jobs but all together on one days is a lot, and make a lot of potential flashpoints on one day if he is not used to that much.

Sometimes you have to pick your battles. Mine are a bit older but have done music practice, homework, spellings today and I haven't pushed housework on top.

user1488788454 · 02/04/2017 20:49

I think you're the perfect parent!
I only wish my MIL had done this with my OH at this age
Hoovering and putting clothes away certainly isn't going to kill the boy

BaggyCheeks · 02/04/2017 20:50

I don't think YABU, though I do think I'd have the hoovering as an occasional task for him rather than a set one. I get my 4yo DS to put away his own laundry - I leave folded piles on his bed and ask him to put them in the right drawer, it takes him two minutes and it's hardly a mountain of clothes to sort out. 2yo DD helps with her clothes too - I pass her things, she puts them in her drawer. I don't disturb their play to do this but if they're following me around while I'm trying to do stuff, as they're wont to do, I'll involve them in it. They need to learn that everyone in a family has to muck in, and I think that it's important for DS in particular that it starts from a young age. I like to think my future DIL will thank me for it.

Trb17 · 02/04/2017 20:50

I think it's all fine apart from the hoovering unless he wanted to do that. Also a last tidy before bed isn't something I'd do as I like to keep bedtime stress free as possible and winding down. Pillow cases ad hoc sounds great as many a grownup makes a hash of doing the bedding so good life skills.

HappyFlappy · 02/04/2017 20:51

Wait until he starts work and you ask for a contribution towards his board, and he grudgingly gives you £10 a month and complains about how you are bleeding him dry . . .

BlueFolly · 02/04/2017 20:53

My DD is 8 and has special responsibility for tidying the lounge whilst I wash up and clean the kitchen. She does all the things your son does with little bit of moaning but mostly happily. Everybody who lives in a house should take responsibility for keeping it clean. The alternative is resentment, which leads to either anger or martyredom - and nobody wants that!

WhisperingLoudly · 02/04/2017 20:54

I think it's too much.

Its about what I expect of my tweens. Although I'd probably only ask them to hoover in an "emergency".

user1476185294 · 02/04/2017 20:54

I don't see a problem with any of it. If he had to do it everyday after school I might think it was a bit too much, but these sound like little jobs, no more than a few minutes each and spread out over a full day. I think it teaches a good work ethic and he just needs reminding of all the things you do.

NorksAkimbo72 · 02/04/2017 20:55

My dcs have been putting folded laundry away since they were that age, and dc1 loves to Hoover, so he's always been allowed tho do a bit. Now they're 10&9, and I don't have to ask them to do these things, they are part of regular contributions to the household. Nothing wrong with it!

Serialweightwatcher · 02/04/2017 20:55

Keep doing what you're doing and let him have a tantrum ... mine are teens and have never done anything unless I bribe them and usually then it's not done well - my fault ... so you're not going to make the same mistakes - good for you

BlueFolly · 02/04/2017 20:56

She went through a rebellious phase demanding to do the kitchen rather than the lounge but I don't trust her to get greasy pans clean just yet.

Believeitornot · 02/04/2017 20:56

I have a 5 and 7 year old. That all sounds like too much.

I did a lot of chores as a child. With mine, I encourage them to help as we all help together. It's not just about them tidying after themselves but me tidying after them or they help me tidy.

I wouldn't have mine vacuum. It wouldn't be done properly anyway! I'd have them help me here and there and we gradually up how much we ask them to do.

What's the point in making them do a load of chores badly?

Banderchang · 02/04/2017 21:05

Re bedding, my DS (nearly 8) has been doing pillowcases for the last couple of years and has always loved helping strip the beds (odd child). Since he started school he's been expected to tidy his room and make his bed each morning, and often does bendy jobs for me if I need him to (I have a dodgy back at times). So he will take the washing out of the machine, and help me hang it on the airers- that kind of thing. I think the things on your list are all usual, perhaps bar the hoovering, but pitching in to make the house nice is an important skill for everyone.

RicottaPancakes · 02/04/2017 21:05

Sounds fine to me, but it does depend on how much tidying up there was to do? Just a few things,or was everything in a mess? Can't see a problem with hoovering or putting away a pile of laundry.

Introvertedbuthappy · 02/04/2017 21:08

My 8 year old's chores are:
Sorting recycling into correct bins
Keeping his room tidy
Emptying tumble dryer and taking clothes to the correct rooms (he folds and puts away his)
Rinsing his plates/cutlery and putting in dishwasher
Helping tidy living room after DS2 goes to bed.
He's very good and complains only occasionally. I explain that if I did them all myself then we wouldn't get out and about until later once it was all done.

Athrawes · 02/04/2017 21:15

Mine reacts in the same way! I don't ask him to hoover, but may well start. He has had a go at ironing and can cook scrambled eggs, both under supervision. Not because I expect him to do these things now, but to show him that these are not skills that people with willies are allergic to!

slithytove · 02/04/2017 21:18

Ds who is just 4 tidies his own toys and books, makes his bed, helps me hang/sort washing, does the bins, and hoovers. We also garden together.

None of this is done very well yet, and the tidying generates a row 50% of the time. But we all work in this house whether it's a job or nursery so we all have to share the chores and tidy up our own mess.

He loves the hoovering and we have a very light one for just this reason.

Dd who is 2 does the equivalent appropriate to her size.
I don't think you are asking a lot.

EweAreHere · 02/04/2017 21:21

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

My boys also helped with mowing the back garden the summers after they turned 7... children are perfectly capable of learning from a young age to do their share of picking up after themselves and helping keep the family home nice.

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