Having food/drink policed whilst pregnant

[ForTheSakeOfFuck]

About three weeks ago, buying a full English takeout for OH...
Cook: "How do you want your eggs?"
Me: "Runny please."
Cook: "Ooooh... you know you shouldn't have runny eggs whilst pregnant. I'll fry it till it's hard." vanishes back into kitchen before I can stop her

Last week, in a pub garden with me, SIL, and OH...
Waiting staff: "What drinks do you want?"
Me: "Two white wines and a coke please."
waiting person returns with drinks
Waiting staff, trying to figure out who to give the drinks to, obviously concludes the wines are for me and SIL: "Ummm... did you want something else? I mean because... you know..."
Me: slightly confused stare since I hadn't twigged yet
Waiting staff: "Is the wine for you?"
Me: "No. It's for MIL else who's arriving imminently. I have a bottle of water in my bag."
Waiting staff: "Oh phew! For a minute there I thought you were going to drink whilst pregnant!" chuckles her way back inside

Today, in Spar, buying my lunch, along with three high-protein peanut bar snack things which actually, for once, are for me, and I've checked with the obstetrician that it's okay for me to eat these since I'm otherwise low on protein in my diet...
Checkout woman, looking at me, very deliberately at my bump, and then at the nutritional content on the bars, literally reading the guidance on there: "Are you allowed to eat these?? I don't think these are okay during pregnancy."
Me in a pretty flat, unimpressed voice: "Are you an obstetrician?"
Checkout woman: "... A what?"
Me: "A specialist in fetal development."
Checkout woman: "... Er... no...?"
awkward silence whilst she scans, I pay, and leave

Sat here, now, chomping on a maple and peanut bar, I feel like a bit of an arsehole in retrospect. So... WIBU to get a bit shirty with the checkout woman?

I think its nice that people care :)

I'm surprised if the CO test actually is effective in reducing smoking. Smokers who don't want to admit they are smoking are unlikely to agree. I wouldn't agree as a non-smoker either as there would be no benefit for me and as I tax payer, I don't want NHS money to be wasted on it.

If it is effective then it is perhaps because it is being done without informed consent which is not at all acceptable- pregnant women have the same rights to consent over tests/treatment as non-pregnant people and any violation of those rights is outrageous.

People don't care CEOD
People want to feel superior and be judgemental. There may be some well meaning people out there but most of them aren't trained medical professionals and have no idea what they're talking about. Add to that the feeling of being treated like you're an idiot who doesn't know the difference between an occasional small glass of wine or a binge, or who has no idea what foods and drink contain caffeine you can see why it can rub people up the wrong way.

If a stranger walked up to an obese person and told them to stop eating cake, would that obese person think "oh, how lovely that someone cares about me" ?? I doubt it.
Just because I am now pregnant doesn't mean I've lost the ability to make the right decision for my body.

A lovely interfering Italian waiter warned me about the dangers of eating seafood when I ordered a seafood pasta dish when very obviously pregnant. I nearly laughed in his face because I initially thought he must be joking. Quickly adopted an expression of careful consideration and thanked him for his concern whilst inwardly rolling my eyes. still ate it and enjoyed every mouthful, but did feel a smidge patronised, to say the least.

Ok so from the CO test has one single person been found to have faulty appliances ? Our hospital is surrounded by motorways, and is near the airport.
I also agree with the first MrsDV

From what I read, it seems the seafood thing is also largely fabricated exaggerated. The main concern seems to be raw fish which can lead to food poisoning (duh) and excessive levels of mercury. What people seem to forget is that mercury is only a concern in big meat-eating fish like shark and similar as they are at the top of the food chain, and therefore gobble up all the low levels of mercury in the creatures they eat.

And to accumulate enough mercury for it to be really harmful you have to eat a lot regularly (340g of low-mercury seafood, incl. proper fish a week).

So if I do meet a busybody waiter in a seaside town restaurant who points out to me that seafood in pregnancy is dangerous, I think my answer of choice will be 'Oh, so your seafood isn't fresh, then, is it?'

That said I wouldn't eat raw fish anywhere away from the seaside.

I'm surprised if the CO test actually is effective in reducing smoking. Smokers who don't want to admit they are smoking are unlikely to agree. I wouldn't agree as a non-smoker either as there would be no benefit for me and as I tax payer, I don't want NHS money to be wasted on it.
If it is effective then it is perhaps because it is being done without informed consent which is not at all acceptable- pregnant women have the same rights to consent over tests/treatment as non-pregnant people and any violation of those rights is outrageous.

I'd also wonder how we measure how much money has been wasted referring women to smoking cessation clinics when not needed, and how many lives that might have saved if used elsewhere. Not to mention the damage to the relationship between mother and midwife in this scenario. And also when women either learn that they have not been able to give informed consent or that the midwife thinks their word isn't enough and they need checking up on- which again, we know some women have been told.

Kiki isn't the raw fish thing more to do with the parasites that it could contain? I think it's that's why the advice is that sushi is fine as long as it has been frozen first.

I completely agree, Elisaveta.

You could be right there, GrumpySquirrel, but parasites seem to mainly occur in fish that are not used for sushi. And anyway, most fish has been frozen at some point before it gets into the restaurant or shop.

I would like to see a venn diagram of the group of people who berate women for eating fish and having a glass of wine twice a month and the group of people who feel maternity leave and benefits are far to generous.

I think it would be quite interesting.

YANBU

They are guidelines and tbh I think most of the food guidelines are a bunch of bullshit. I read that you are more likely to get food poisoning from chicken than seafood (except shellfish) when researching whether or not the sushi guidelines were a load of crap which I decided they are!

MrsDV I think there are a lot of those Venn diagrams that would show a contradictory overlap.

Eg people who think that SAHMs and part time workers are parasites scrounging off a hard working man, and people who think that working mothers who have to leave on time each day because they have to collect their children are a drain on the workplace and shouldn't be allowed to keep their jobs.

And people who think that termination for medical reasons is all about selfish irresponsible women who can't be bothered with motherhood and people who think that as a society we can't afford ill or disabled people. I bet those charmers overlap too...

A bit like the pro lifers but anti contraception lot

Ha MrsDV and treacle
They WOULD be ethical studies as well... And the results would make for more interesting reading than how 10mg of caffeine in some random deli meat is going to cause grave harm to my unborn child.

I would like to see a venn diagram of the group of people who berate women for eating fish and having a glass of wine twice a month and the group of people who feel maternity leave and benefits are far to generous.

They'd be the same people who would judge for bottle feeding but then bray about decency if they see a woman breastfeeding in public.

And I'm pretty sure the pro lifers are the same lot who reckon benefits should be stopped and people should only have the children they can afford

Some great posts from Mrs DV and Treacle.

You are forgetting those who look down on bloody selfish, child abandoning mothers who dare to work more than 5 minutes away from school or dare to work when dp is a sahd.

I have seen it a lot on MN and elsewhere. Sneering at women who are feeling fragile. Telling them that they are being precious for needing a rest etc. It certainly happens a lot in RL.

Tbh I am starting to see it as part of the rising tide of misogynists trying to put women back in their box. Just like all those people who would describe themselves as 'anti-feminists', probably, but whose arguments and behaviour show them to simply be anti-women.

Ugh this annoyed me so much. I tried to stick to the 'rules' as much as possible but sometimes I didn't and everyone felt the need to stick their noses in. The most ridiculous one is probably having a meal out and I ordered steak. I usually get it medium but to be on the 'safe side' I did order medium well. And the waitress STILL decided to tell me that I shouldn't be eating it like that when pregnant and it should not have even a slight bit of pink in it at all as it could 'kill your baby'. She was lucky I didn't kill her tbh. My sister looked a bit murderous too.

I remember my midwife telling me to drink half a pint of Guinness (yuk) a day.

I was told this when I was pregnant with DD, and this was only 5 years back. I was severely anemic during the pregnancy mind..MW told me Guinness is one of the best things for iron. I hate the stuff so didn't drink it..

Same midwife told me that cutting down smoking is better than stopping completely as stopping cold turkey can cause high blood pressure which is just as/more dangerous for the baby.

She might have been talking shit though.

Same midwife told me that cutting down smoking is better than stopping completely as stopping cold turkey can cause high blood pressure which is just as/more dangerous for the baby.

A co-worker in a different department from me I know was forbidden by her GP from quitting altogether and that had to do with cold turkey issues. So your midwife might have been right there. I never knew the whole truth of it, but this was in the early 2000s, so smoking advice was definitely the same as now.

Re red meat: we've got a friend coming next week who is a chef and he messaged DH over Facebook to say he was bringing 'meat pregnant women should stay away from'. Upon asking further, it turns out to be beef and obviously he must face people in the restaurant where he works who think pregnant women should stay away from red meat altogether . How are we supposed to get iron at all??? He was mightily relieved when we told him it didn't matter to us. I mean, I don't eat it rare or raw as in carpaccio or so, and the toxoplasmosis thing rather has to do with temperature than with the fact there is a speck of pink or not, I thought (besides, toxoplasmosis is a bigger problem in pork, though you never really cook that pink). And anyway, most meat sold in shops is pretty clean IMO, cattle rarely graze these days as their only source of food, unfortunately.

found it:

The number of women who smoke while they are pregnant has dropped by nearly a third since the introduction of a breathalyser test for mums-to-be.

Figures show referral rate more than doubled across all the trusts in the first three months after the introduction of the new approach.

The introduction of the programmes was associated with a substantial increase in quitting during pregnancy, and quitting was associated with referral to stop smoking services.

The cost of the test is detailed in this PDF from one NHS supplier. It's a very cheap, quick test which doesn't need sending off to a lab and doesn't require extensive staff training.

Meanwhile, the RCM says:
In the UK, smoking is the cause of up to 5000 miscarriages, 300 perinatal deaths, 2200 premature births and around 19,000 babies with low birthweight annually (Royal College of Physicians, 2010), costing the NHS between £23.5m and £64m (Godfrey et al, 2010).

Those costs of course don't include the incalculable human misery of those very sad outcomes.

I think this test is a bargain! NICE are good at sums, if nothing else.

Informed consent should absolutely be happening though and if it's not, or if women are made to feel bad for refusing, a complaint to PALS is in order. Wherever I've read a serious discussion about these tests (e.g. the RCM link above), it has always included consideration of the relationship between MW and PG women and the overriding need to preserve the trust, for smokers, non-smokers and test refusers who could be either.

It's just the 'how very dare they' reaction that gets me. This test is saving lives. If people weren't so harsh towards pregnant smokers this test wouldn't be needed in the first place because women would not be too ashamed to seek help.

Someone I work with exclaimed "you're not allowed to drink coffee are you??" when she saw me drinking one. ALLOWED. I hate that word.

However I went out for my husbands birthday to a really expensive steak restaurant and had medium rare steak AND a glass of red wine and he waiter didn't blink an eyelid.

Not allowed. Like you're five. Ugh.

Moral of the thread: your first and best option for a stress-free pregnancy is to move to France.

Oui oui