Having food/drink policed whilst pregnant

[ForTheSakeOfFuck]

About three weeks ago, buying a full English takeout for OH...
Cook: "How do you want your eggs?"
Me: "Runny please."
Cook: "Ooooh... you know you shouldn't have runny eggs whilst pregnant. I'll fry it till it's hard." vanishes back into kitchen before I can stop her

Last week, in a pub garden with me, SIL, and OH...
Waiting staff: "What drinks do you want?"
Me: "Two white wines and a coke please."
waiting person returns with drinks
Waiting staff, trying to figure out who to give the drinks to, obviously concludes the wines are for me and SIL: "Ummm... did you want something else? I mean because... you know..."
Me: slightly confused stare since I hadn't twigged yet
Waiting staff: "Is the wine for you?"
Me: "No. It's for MIL else who's arriving imminently. I have a bottle of water in my bag."
Waiting staff: "Oh phew! For a minute there I thought you were going to drink whilst pregnant!" chuckles her way back inside

Today, in Spar, buying my lunch, along with three high-protein peanut bar snack things which actually, for once, are for me, and I've checked with the obstetrician that it's okay for me to eat these since I'm otherwise low on protein in my diet...
Checkout woman, looking at me, very deliberately at my bump, and then at the nutritional content on the bars, literally reading the guidance on there: "Are you allowed to eat these?? I don't think these are okay during pregnancy."
Me in a pretty flat, unimpressed voice: "Are you an obstetrician?"
Checkout woman: "... A what?"
Me: "A specialist in fetal development."
Checkout woman: "... Er... no...?"
awkward silence whilst she scans, I pay, and leave

Sat here, now, chomping on a maple and peanut bar, I feel like a bit of an arsehole in retrospect. So... WIBU to get a bit shirty with the checkout woman?

How is 1-2 units a day in pregnancy moderate alcohol consumption though? That's the maximum recommended when you're not pregnant! That's not even close to being evidence that an occasional or even weekly drink is risky.

This is actually just what I was referring to upthread. Whenever people say or infer that moderate alcohol consumption is risky and are asked for evidence, invariably they respond with evidence about consumption that is not moderate.

Jerry is raw and not considered a deli meat in the uk.

A lot of studies in the US are problematic as they are linked to insurance, certain pro life arguments and of course private companies seeking an easy cure. They are hard to replicate in other developed countries. The whole Beer's babies scandal for example.

Great Graphista, care to elaborate?

""I wonder if there's been any work done on links between taste/smell aversion in pregnancy and harmful foods? Would be interesting." Yes there has.

During one of my pregnancys I knew that the embryo was already dead and waiting for a miscarriage. I figured I could drink some wine now since it didn't matter. I instantly felt sooooo sick, my body rejected it. I'm reading this thread feeling very surprised that so many of you could drink a glass or eat something off of the forbidden list. I would have loved that at the time.

Fwiw, I do feel that pregnant women should try to live healthy but it is not for me to tell them what to do. Even women that are smoking probably do want to quit but maybe just cannot. People interfering will probably just make things worse.

Several posters have mentioned a large (but only one) glass of wine - that can easily be 2 units.

Yes I know but they really aren't common at all. I doubt they would come up often in a self monitoring situation in the uk.

The comment on deli meats was an aside, after the main point. Did you mean to be patronising and snide?

I really do know a lot on this topic. I also know the limitations of some of the studies, and the strengths of others.

However, I'm not willing to put myself out there and battle - rather than debating - with someone who thinks they know it all as they had pulled a few half familiar studies possibly Googled out of the USA.

I'm off.

Clearly an occasional glass is capable of holding 2 units plus, just as its capable of holding less because glasses vary in size. But again, this is not evidence that moderate consumption per se is risky. It just isn't.

" ""I wonder if there's been any work done on links between taste/smell aversion in pregnancy and harmful foods? Would be interesting." Yes there has."

Wow lots of quote marks!

Yea, evolutionary biology studies, it's why many scientists/Drs believe pregnant women's senses of smell and taste are heightened - to detect bacteria. Wanna know if that milks on the turn - ask a pregnant woman!

Luvara and murizi is the one most often cited.

Ditto why many women go off the same foods. Which were later discovered to be risky during pregnancy. My ex LOVED fish, I'm veggie but loved it before I went veggie and was fine with the smell but when I was pregnant ? Omg VOM! One time he went away for a long weekend with work, had fish on the Friday night I could STILL smell it on his breath when he came home on the tue.

" Did you mean to be patronising and snide?" No and I wasn't, I assumed it was a genuine question and answered as such.

Chinnygirl sorry for your loss. Yes my 3rd pregnancy the mere smell of alcohol made me heave. A friend at the time said 'I bet you're pregnant' I'd not even missed a period at that point.

Elisaveta it was in response to people saying that's max units anyway. Lots of people miscalculate alcohol units consumed. Because it's really hard to assess! Especially if you're out when you have a drink and don't know what the abv of what you're drinking is.

Again though graphista, that isn't evidence that moderate consumption is risky.

Is fish "risky" now then? .

Some glasses of wine certainly contain more than 2 units. And?

My first trimester i craved beer (luckily alcohol free worked). Second Trimester, no cravings. Third trimester and it's Wine. Cold white/rose wine. I have maybe one small glass spritzer a fortnight and would not be impressed if someone wanted to ban me from that.

Pages behind but the CO test thing -

• around 10% of women are still smoking at the time of delivery

• pregnant smokers find it incredibly hard to admit because the stigma is so very great

• if pregnant smokers can't admit they smoke they can't be offered help to quit

• by offering the test to every pregnant woman stigma is reduced and more pregnant smokers are helped to quit (can't find the stats just now but it has been effective since they introduced it - more women are helped to quit, improving outcomes and women's health if they test everybody)

• it can also pick up faulty gas appliances & car exhausts. Babies are not judgy about where the CO is coming from, it still restricts growth & causes other problems even if it's from a respectable source

• It takes literally seconds, has no risks and no side effects.

• like any other test or procedure, you can refuse. Nothing bad will happen if you do so.

Refusing to take the test is fine. Being vocally outraged that the test is offered to all pregnant women because how very dare they suggest you might smoke increases stigma and makes it even harder for pregnant smokers to ask for help. So their health suffers, their babies' health suffers. I think that's a shit trade off for some people's right to be outraged at the very suggestion.

I haven't had a drink in this pregnancy yet, but when I do, I'm raising a toast to Graphista. Chin chin sweetheart.

Root beer doesn't contain caffeine btw

Funny how a thread written to complain about complete strangers judging and commenting on what women can do with their bodies has turned in to... well complete strangers judging and commenting on what women can do with their bodies

Its odd.
As the restrictions we place on pregnant women are getting more extreme and more people feel the need to police what they eat and drink and do....
so it seems that the way we expect pregnant women to 'just get on with it' in other ways seems to be increasing.

So don't expect a seat on a bus or a bit of TLC at work because 'YOU ARE NOT ILL just pregnant' but God forbid you eat a bit of cheese as 'you are responsible for a LIFE INSIDE YOU!'

I have seen it a lot on MN and elsewhere. Sneering at women who are feeling fragile. Telling them that they are being precious for needing a rest etc. It certainly happens a lot in RL. It seems as if people are just waiting for the opportunity to tell some poor woman that she is being a twat for feeling like crap at 12 weeks.
Then she tries to put a coffee to her lips and they get concerned

I'm with TheFirstMrsDV on this 100%

ThefirstmrsD

Yes totally agree. Just one more thing to beat some up about.

"Mind your own fecking budiness" is a perfectly reasonable response to most of the comments received on tbis thread.

Yep, I'm with Thefirstmrsdv on this as well.

During my first pregnancy I was told by colleagues that I should stop doing Zumba and not go bowling (my Zumba instructor knew I was pregnant and showed me how to adapt moves appropriately. At that point I'd being attending 2 Zumba classes a week for at least a year). The same colleague then told me off for not participating in a company rounders game. "You need to exercise and stay fit." I also still had a dog at that point so I was walking everyday too. Pregnant women cannot win.

Oh ffs
Business and this.

The problem with your argument pencils is that consent for any test or procedure needs to be informed for it to be remotely ethical. We know that this is not happening now, with the CO tests. And some of us think that is a great big fuckoff problem.

We know that women aren't necessarily told they can opt out, and we know that some women have been told they'd need referring to pregnant smoking cessation clinics. See other threads specifically on the issue for more details. We know also that women are misled about the test. If like me, you already have appliances to check CO in the home and don't drive, and you know you don't smoke, what use will it be other than to tell me if I live in an area with high CO levels, which I can't do anything about? We also know that it is interpreted and used by some clinical staff, and thus women, as a way of checking up on whether pregnant women are telling the truth. That isn't in any way acceptable.

Misleading, problematising refusals (and don't tell me this doesn't happen, it has) and failing to seek informed consent isn't an acceptable tradeoff in the slightest. People are right to be outraged.