To post a note through the door of the house we are trying to buy in the hope of persuading the vendor to sell it to us?

[feelinginthedark]

My sister and her husband did this when they were buying their house in London and I am tempted to try. Essentially we are in a bidding war; neck and neck with another party; we are both in equally good purchasing positions. We desperately want the house, and can afford to keep bidding, but the price is getting to the point where the house will no longer be good value (it needs work). The asking price has been well exceeded at this stage.

We feel that a note might make a difference to the vendor's decision because DH and I are essentially good people, from the area originally but have moved our family around annually internationally for years in order to train in our respective fields (in our work we both help people a LOT- don't want to say what we do as it's totally outing), and would love to give our two girls the chance to settle in a lovely house, down the road from their cousins and grandparents, before our eldest starts school in September.

Would that info in any way swing your decision if you were the vendor? Or is it borderline psychotic / unethical?

I would sell to the person I liked best.

We had a letter t our old house from someone living in Australia who had owned the house previously and were very keen to have it back and move back there. It was very nicely written and really kindly but they offered what was (at that time) a good £10k below any price we could easily have had for it on the open market, and we had no intentions of moving at that time anyway, so all round, we thought it was a nice thing, and then set it to one side. IOW, if phrased nicely and just the one off, I don't think you could be seen as being a fruitloop.

I would be raging to get a note through the door from a prospective buyer. Just because someone is selling doesn't mean you can intrude on their privacy and try to manipulate them. It also annoys me when people think that because they're a family they should be entitled to things that people who don't have children also want - the house they've chosen, annual leave through the summer and at Christmas at the expense of non parents etc. Wanting to not continue in the bidding war also smacks of entitlement - why should the house owner have the money when you could have it - when they are perfectly right and sensible to accept the highest offer to benefit their own lives.

For that reason I would worry that there is a chance you will annoy this couple to the point they wouldn't consider selling to you and strongly advise against it.

I can't believe people think it's ethical to go above the asking price!

We sold our house recently and two buyers ended up offering the asking price, they were in the same position ie first time buyers, mortgage in place, could be flexible as living with parents. I actually preferred one buyer over the other as she was so lovely and keen and complimentary when viewing, whereas the other didn't say anything. But, the non-keen one made the first offer, so DH and I thought it only fair to go with her. Even though the other was nicer and afterwards said that she would've been willing to go above asking.

I would love to know that my house was going to a nice family, but if I was your vendors, I already would've made a decision. I think they'll just keep going until one of you pulls out, as they sound like those sort of people.

I can't believe people think it's ethical to go above the asking price!

Eh? I'm in Scotland so maybe it's different system here but when the market is high, nearly every single decent property goes for above asking, often 20-30% over, it's just expected when it's that stage in the cycle of house prices!
Obv there will be flatter times when houses go for around the asking price, but if people are willing to pay inflated prices in a high market why on earth wouldn't they??

I haven't read all the comments but my personal view is, as the vendor I would consider you had overstepped the mark and it showed poor judgement. I wouldn't like feeling pressured into accepting your offer on any basis other than it was the best and most sound one financially.

Why do you think the vendor is interested in the reasons you feel you are the best people to buy their house? Serious question, because really all they are interested in is getting the most money they can. Otherwise they would instruct their estate agents to tell all interested parties to submit bleeding heart EOIs by (insert date)

Your intended course of action could turn out to be totally counter productive.
If it's meant to be it's meant to be and I don't think that involves you needing to lay yourselves at their mercy with your home buying a CV

Sorry home buying CV

haveacupoftea I think you are absolutely spot on

I've just seen your comment about not being sufficiently annoyed to turn down the highest offer on your flat.

What a hypocrite!

You could try but it's a risk. Most people are good people, with children who'd love that perfect childhood home. Maybe they'd prefer to sell to the childfree/less couple with the dogs who are the highest bidders (for example)? Families with children are no more deserving than anyone else.

If I had two people bidding I'd go with the highest bidder. How lovely the buyers are wouldn't come into it.

Saying that I came second on a closed bids day but the seller chose to sell to me. She liked me better .

She was elderly and I did have the odd cup of tea with her when I dropped off mail and invited her back to see her old place a couple of times.

Money talks, and bullshit walks.

I couldn't abide an X-Factor sob story letter pushed through my door about how someone was more deserving, it would always come down to highest bidder, and maybe some other factors; such as; wether they were in a chain or not etc.

Would it annoy you enough to go with the other bidder though?

Personally I wouldn't be irritated at all - and anyway, what makes you think the other bidder hasn't already tried the same?

I recently sold my own house very quickly, to a young couple who are just starting off and genuinely couldn't afford more than their final offer. Of course I also made a lower offer on my new house (which had been for sale for ages), but I still chose to sell to the people I preferred rather than hanging out for a higher price from someone who may have been less keen to buy it

If money allows, sometimes it really can be best to go with your gut feeling

The note wouldn't affect my decision, it would come down to whoever is offering the most money.

Would it annoy you enough to go with the other bidder though?

Yes if the offers were comparable, it's not very business-like. I would want a good clean quick sale so I can get on with MY family's reason for leaving without any emotional nonsense/messing around/manipulation.

I wouldn't necessarily go with the highest offer if 2 were close. If a slighly lower offer was offering to be very efficient and businesslike and have a quick completion time/deadline, I'ld go with them.

The OP is acting like the type of vendor who messes you around because it's all about their feelings not about a business transaction. I would imagine them pulling nonsense on completion/moving day too "but our cat needs to settle so we need to bring it round for an hour the week before" etc… nah!

I wouldn't necessarily go with the highest offer if 2 were close. If a slighly lower offer was offering to be very efficient and businesslike and have a quick completion time/deadline, I'ld go with them

^ This. I guess some people might be swayed by a note from the potential buyer stating how much they love the house, area etc. But I think more people would be swayed by a note stating the buyer is not in a chain, is willing to complete quickly, has their finances in order etc. Of course, a lot of people will not be swayed at all, and will simply go with the highest bidder.

Personally, it would really irritate me to get a note of the sort you are describing. If I'd met you when showing you the house, and liked you that might sway me very slightly, but not a note. I'd be more inclined to think you were pushy, manipulative, and would think that if you loved the house so much, you would be willing to pay more.

Would it annoy you enough to go with the other bidder though?

Yes, it would. For a number of reasons.

I'd feel that it was intrusive. I would be concerned that if I sold to you then you would continue to be intrusive throughout the process instead of understanding that we are essentially talking about a business transaction and communicating through the EA and Solicitors as is usual in these situations.

I would also be irritated by the implication that you 'deserve' the house more because you're such "good people" and have worthy jobs. You seem to think that if the vendors got to know you they would be so impressed by you that they'd stop caring about the financial side of things altogether. It comes across as smug and conceited. Rationally, I know this shouldn't be a reason not to sell to you but the turth is it would put me right off.

The stuff about your children- wanting them to be near their extended family etc- I'm sorry but that just reeks of emotional blackmail. I don't like feeling manipulated and I also get annoyed when people think that having chosen to have kids means they should be prioritised over those who are childfree.

I know house hunting/buying can be a pretty grim and stressful process so I do understand that you want to feel you've done everything you can to secure the property but I think you run the risk of embarrassing yourself and alienating the vendors here.

I would find it manipulative and I'd be concerned that the type of person who'd do this would try to stiff me further down the line.

When we bought our house it had been on the market for a year and the price had been reduced from the original by quite a bit. It was just down the road from my parents and ideal for us as we could stay with them while all the work was done, the house needed new plumbing / electrics / kitchen / bathroom and an extension!
We put in an offer and explained that we were originally from the village and that I had known the lady who lived there and how we would love to make the house our home, it was close to my family and opposite my old primary school. Our offer was accepted despite similar offers from developers having been rejected, the owner who was selling their mother house was happy to sell to a local family.
Good luck.

With the house we just bought we weren't the highest offer but got the property. However we did visit more than the other people did and seemed to have a good connection with the seller. She seemed keen to sell to us because she really loved the house and had spent a long time making it into a home. She said a few times she'd love a young family to move there. I didn't put a note through the door or anything but did text her after the offer was accepted to thank her. She said she was delighted it was us who'd got the house and knew we'd love it like she had.

We don't know how much more the highest offer was (I'm sure it wasn't that much) but it does go to show that's not necessarily what it's all about for everyone.

If already In a bidding war then it suggests seller is profit orientated. Telling them how much you want the house gives them the emotional edge to push you for more money.

Making sure the ea tells them you have kids and are ready to proceed with a view to being in school catchment for September is a good idea as it shows you are willing to move swiftly. You need to make sure they know that you are ready to proceed but also that you may walk away - book some viewings with same ea for other houses "as you want to move swiftly and don't want to be losing a week of viewings hanging around for this one" - gives the ea a boot that you might walk and they might lose their commission

I am currently selling and any notes put through my door would be torn up and put in the recycling unread

Itd make me not want to sell to you. It feels kinda stalkery and rude.

How ever if the estate agent gave it to me, id be more inclined to tlwant youbtonget it but would still go for the highest bidder

I've done this- didnt work for us but good luck