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AIBU?

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Original poster

To post a note through the door of the house we are trying to buy in the hope of persuading the vendor to sell it to us?

274 replies

feelinginthedark · 01/04/2017 20:58

My sister and her husband did this when they were buying their house in London and I am tempted to try. Essentially we are in a bidding war; neck and neck with another party; we are both in equally good purchasing positions. We desperately want the house, and can afford to keep bidding, but the price is getting to the point where the house will no longer be good value (it needs work). The asking price has been well exceeded at this stage.

We feel that a note might make a difference to the vendor's decision because DH and I are essentially good people, from the area originally but have moved our family around annually internationally for years in order to train in our respective fields (in our work we both help people a LOT- don't want to say what we do as it's totally outing), and would love to give our two girls the chance to settle in a lovely house, down the road from their cousins and grandparents, before our eldest starts school in September.

Would that info in any way swing your decision if you were the vendor? Or is it borderline psychotic / unethical? Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
feelinginthedark · 01/04/2017 22:47

Thanks for the comments (the helpful ones rather than the smug and immature Hmmones)

The career point is relevant because we have moved cities 5 times in the last 5 years for training purposes, and don't want to put the kids through another move to rental, which is what we'll have to do if we don't buy soon.

Thanks to the EA to described their experience. V helpful.

We're in the ROI

OP posts:
purplecollar · 01/04/2017 22:48

I've got my house on the market. I'd find it pushy and weird. Go through the normal channels.

AnneEyhtMeyer · 01/04/2017 22:49

If you ignore the answers you don't like then you are proving our points.

Original poster
feelinginthedark · 01/04/2017 22:50

The the school place, we have a place in the local school as it's in our current parish, so not a catchment issue, just that we'd like to be settled by then.

OP posts:
Original poster
feelinginthedark · 01/04/2017 22:51

I'm not ignoring the answers at all, I find all of the points of view really helpful. I just find derogatory language like that unhelpful.

OP posts:
Rufus27 · 01/04/2017 22:51

We did it and for us, it worked.

Someone also did it for my grandparents' house which my parents were selling. The interested party explained why they particularly loved the house and once we were sure they were genuine, my dad accepted their offer (which wasn't the highest). It was an old house with a small amount of land, and these people, who were local, assured the family they would not sell the land for development. They are still there now two decades later.

Original poster
feelinginthedark · 01/04/2017 22:52

Rufus did you go directly or through the EA?

OP posts:
Sunnie1984 · 01/04/2017 22:52

I would do it.

Accepting an offer is only the start of the process and the house isn't really sold until contracts are exchanged.

We sold our flat to a guy who had several rental properties and he was a pain in the backside for months (literally) before we exchanged and renegotiated the price at every available opportunity (until he was told to piss off as we had had enough).

We bought our house from a family relocating and we had to delay exchanging because of the twat buying our flat. We visited to measure up the kitchen, and the sellers had been on the verge of backing out, until we met them and made it clear we wanted the house and we were not dicking about!

Being interested in s property for personal reasons can convince s seller that you really want the property and will follow through.

I would be swayed by a family wanting to buy our house over a bit to let etc. We have had enough stress selling our flat!

I don't think it can hurt, if they just want the highest bidder then it won't matter anyway

MrsHarveySpecterV · 01/04/2017 22:54

Urgh no that would put me off. What if the other buyers are "good people" with nice kids and grandparents near by?? If you want the house that much offer more. It would make me think you were trying to manipulate me and make me more inclined to go with the other buyer. It comes across that you don't just want the house, you want a good deal too because you say if you went higher it wouldn't be "good value". If you really love it that much that wouldn't be a concern. We were in a bidding war when buying our home and the seller went with us because they liked us and our DC at the viewing but that was just luck especially as we couldn't afford to go any higher.

Bloomed · 01/04/2017 22:56

I wouldn't mind hearing this through an estate agent or while looking round, but would probably feel the note was intrusive.

roundaboutthetown · 01/04/2017 22:57

I think it needs to go through someone official - you can't act on the back of only one of the potential purchasers giving you a backstory. You need to know more about all interested parties, or just do it on the basis of the offers given.

Glossolalia · 01/04/2017 22:57

I'm cringing.

If I got this note I would feel really uncomfortable.

I also couldn't give a fuck care less what you do for a living Hmm I would immediately favour the other party, if I got a high and mighty note like this.

SearchingforGrandparents · 01/04/2017 22:57

One PP here has made a very good point - If you let them know how much you love the house, they may think you're willing to pay more and be more inclined to keep the bidding war going.....

WyfOfBathe · 01/04/2017 22:58

I would find it very annoying that you were trying to guilt me into selling to you, and it would put me off you - but I would still sell to you if you were the highest bidder.

Rufus27 · 01/04/2017 23:01

Directly (us) and through EA (parents - though EA didn't know they'd sent the personal letter until after they'd done it).

Must also add that we tried it for another two houses without success. It's a gamble and really depends on the mindset/values of the sellers. My dad sold to the people he did as it was important to him that the new residents genuinely loved the house as much as our own family had.

Original poster
feelinginthedark · 01/04/2017 23:03

Ok thanks all. I think on Monday when I speak to the EA (to put our next bid in) I'll reiterate how serious we are about the purchase, and that we'll close quickly etc, for the reasons I outlined in the original post. Practical rather than personal. And ask him to pass that info onto the vendor, and whether he would like me to put it in writing.

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AnneEyhtMeyer · 01/04/2017 23:03

You sound very immature. That is a statement of fact, not "derogatory language". Thinking you can guilt-trip into selling their house for less than the market value makes you sound immature. I am not calling you names, I am saying you are planning to do something that would come across as naive (at best).

roundaboutthetown · 01/04/2017 23:03

The estate agent not being interested in your motivations might be a sign they know the vendors don't care about them, either. Either that, or the estate agent is a waste of the vendors' money.

LadyLapsang · 01/04/2017 23:05

If its a small community, you could tell them you are X's daughter / DIL, but if its that small they would probably know anyway.

dowhatnow · 01/04/2017 23:05

I would go with the highest bidder but if all things were equal then this may persuade me.

Original poster
feelinginthedark · 01/04/2017 23:07

Ok...'immature' is derogatory. Look it up.

I'm out. Sorry that one poster spoiled what was a very helpful and interesting discussion.

OP posts:
AnneEyhtMeyer · 01/04/2017 23:09

I think you've proved my point.

roundaboutthetown · 01/04/2017 23:10

AnneEyhtMeyer - any reason why you chose to be so offensive? The OP does not sound immature or naive. Some people are interested in the backstory, others aren't, others feel manipulated by it. Clearly the sums being offered for the house now have gone higher than the normal market value for the area, and a house is worth what the person is willing to sell it for, anyway.

TinselTwins · 01/04/2017 23:12

I'm afraid it reminds me of the messages you get if you try to sell baby items on net mums
"please can I have this for my lovely sister, she's a foster carer and kids come to her with nothing, it'ld be really useful"
If you reply to them then offering them the item you get "does it have tags/what brand is it?" then tumbleweed if it's not ebayable enough for them.

Also on babywearing for sale groups on facebook, was like a competition re who had the most emotional attatchment to the wrap and you were supposed to offer it to the biggest sob story..

Sorry, I'm a bit jaded with these sort of things.

Pay the right price if you want it and have the money. Everyone who buys a house wants it.

AnneEyhtMeyer · 01/04/2017 23:14

round - as explained above, expecting someone to accept less than market value for their house is not a mature action. It is very child-like to expect something because you think you are more deserving than another bidder because of your job / children / life situation. Rather than offensive, I am trying to point out how it comes across.

Immature and naive is actually a positive spin on the situation, when it could equally be regarded as manipulative.

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