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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if dh is using bathroom time to avoid family time.

52 replies

Linkedout · 31/03/2017 17:12

Dh works hard and is great for hen he is around, however.....

He gets up at 6.30 and leaves at 7.15 (before anyone else is up) during this time he will leisurely get himself ready, have breakfast and leave a mess.

I also work full time and get up at 7.20ish, get 2xdc up, dressed, breakfasted, and our to childminder. I then go to work.

I then do my full day's work, pick up dc's get home make dinner clear up etc.

Dh gets in about 6. Has his dinner, then spends 45 mins in the bathroom on the toilet and showering. By then it is 6.45 and we have to get dc's ready for bed.

I get so annoyed about it, can't see how it can take so long. So aibu to find this infuriating???

OP posts:
allegretto · 31/03/2017 17:13

You should do it too!

Candlefairy101 · 31/03/2017 17:15

My husband does the morning routine yours has, he will get up way too early just so he can sit and watch catch-up tv, then he'll dress and leave before touching or doing anything for the children.

I am a SAHM and there's no way I would allow it in the evenings. I'm looking out the window with children in hand ready to pass over to him Smile

Sillygoof · 31/03/2017 17:15

You are not being unreasonable to 1) ask him to clear up his own mess in the mornings and 2) ask him to poo and shower after the kids are in bed. The 45 mins in the bathroom does sound like he's avoiding family time to be honest.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/03/2017 17:17

Agree with allegretto. Next opportunity at 6pm, just waltz off yourself to the bathroom saying whatever he says.

Aliveinwanderland · 31/03/2017 17:17

My DH gets literally 5 minutes as soon as he walks in to get changed and then DS is handed over to him for the evening!

gamerchick · 31/03/2017 17:18

Get in the bathroom first and lock the door. Have a long hot bubble bath.... just once.

No flies on him is there?!

SookiesSocks · 31/03/2017 17:19

YANBU to find it infuriating.

The morning bit seems fine to me hes pnly up 45 minutes before he leaves.
The evening bit seems a long time to shower and use the loo.

I dont understand the timings. You say he gets in at 6 eats and then spends 45 mins in the bathroom making it 6:45.....does he eat his meal in the bathroom Confused

Or do you mean at 6:45 when dc go to bed he is still in the bathroom?

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 31/03/2017 17:19

People don't use the toilet to order.

My DH also has a 45 minute routine, in the morning, no small children involved. I can only imagine his response if I asked him to perform his ablutions at a time more convenient to the rest of the household.

You get a 50 minute lay in in the morning though.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 31/03/2017 17:22

The morning routine is only fine if the op is happy with it and knows it's needed
They both work outside the home.

He is doing nothing to share the morning routine at all he is leaving it all to the op.

Brighteyes27 · 31/03/2017 17:24

Agree with Gamer chick. Leave him a note, rush upstairs as he comes in. Lock the bathroom door, put ear plugs in, have a can or glass of wine waiting, nice bubble bath, conditioning hair mask, face mask, scented candles and put all over moisturiser on afterwards. Come down 45 minutes or an hour later saying that was lovely I feel really relaxed and refreshed think I'll do that every night now or even better thanks I'm off out now....bye!
DH spends an eternity on the loo think he plays on his phone. I do my ablutions in well under 5 mins.

LordRothermereBlackshirtCunt · 31/03/2017 17:25

I don't understand the timings either. He must be spending longer on the toilet than he does eating his dinner!

Sciurus83 · 31/03/2017 17:26

We used to have this nonsense and we only have one bathroom. I got DH a sand timer for the shower, told him how much water he was wasting and things have got much better

SookiesSocks · 31/03/2017 17:26

Needs he leaves before anyone else is up. If everyone was up and he was not helping then fair dos but thats not the case.

5foot5 · 31/03/2017 17:27

Does he take a book (or a smartphone) in to the toilet with him?

I think this is very much a male trait. DH used to do this but he is not so bad at it now. My DF would take his library book with him too.

But yes, it could be that he is doing it to avoid family time, or it could be he doesn't even realize that is hat he is doing.

I agree about getting in there before him and when he comments point out that this is what you have to put up with every day

khajiit13 · 31/03/2017 17:29

Sorry but getting up at 7:20 and getting yourself AND the kids sorted does not count as a lie in.

YANBU OP. As PP say, just take yourself up to then bathroom. Have you brought this up with him?

pho3be · 31/03/2017 17:29

Weird, trouble is if you do pp suggestion he'll prob ignore the kids & play on his phone. Plus presumably she wants to spend family time with him. Are the kids not demanding of his time? When mine were little they'd jump all over him he had no choice encourage them, tell them daddy wants to play snakes & ladders as soon as he gets home everydayGrin

wobblywonderwoman · 31/03/2017 17:29

He is definitely avoiding family time!!! Outsmart him.

blueskyinmarch · 31/03/2017 17:30

The morning routine is fair enough. No-one else is up and he can have a leisurely shower etc. I don’t really understand why he needs to do the same in the evening though? Does he get very dirty/sweaty in his job. Even if he does, 5 minutes is enough time for a quick jump in the shower and down to help out. He is taking the piss. I agree you need to be running yourself a bath as he steps in the house so you can have a nice half hour to yourself.

SookiesSocks · 31/03/2017 17:30

He should be cleaning up his breakfast mess though. Angry

TheRealPooTroll · 31/03/2017 17:31

Shame for the children that they basically don't see their dad (who lves with them!) other than weekends.
That's the angle I would go with. Ask him if he could shower after the kids are in bed because the children are very excited to see him and spend some time with him in the evenings. Don't think you can dictate when he can and can't poo though tbh Grin

RJnomore1 · 31/03/2017 17:31

I don't know what he could do in the morning except get small grumpy people out of bed before they are ready really? Which rarely ends well.

Also I may be a bit at the mercy of my bowels but I have set times I need to go and I need to go there's no dispute. It can take a while too.

So the only thing I think he can do is shower later? Although my dh often needs a shower after a poo (don't know don't ask never will)

Could the children go to bed slightly later?

RJnomore1 · 31/03/2017 17:32

Oh yeah he can clean up his breakfast mess. He isn't 4.

chocatoo · 31/03/2017 17:33

Ditto - dive in there before he does.

expatinscotland · 31/03/2017 17:35

Why the fuck is he leaving a mess for you to clean up at breakfast? And you're making dinner every night? Just no. Run up to the bathroom right as he gets in and sit in there 45 minutes. Keep doing it. He's copping out.

TheRealPooTroll · 31/03/2017 17:36

Unless you've shat yourself you don't NEED a shower after a poo.

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