Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Could you share your husband?

151 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 30/03/2017 21:40

I'm watching a documentary about Mormons and it focuses on men being able to have more than one wife. I watched an episode last week too so I imagine it's an ongoing series.

Anyway, I always thought that the family set-up was one that all parties were happy with but in both episodes I've seen the families certainly aren't harmonious with some of the wives being jealous, resentful and appearing to not like the other wives. It all just seems very awkward and unhappy at times with some wives overtly displaying their anger and frustrations to the husband and I'm genuinely shocked.

I assumed it is done for religious/cultural reasons hence why I thought the women were happy to be one of many wives because they had a belief that it's the right way to live, but it appears they aren't all comgortable with it.

I'm just so surprised that some of the wives aren't happy with their way of life because I genuinely believed that the women were just as willing participants in the bigamy as the men were.

Is anyone else watching it?

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 30/03/2017 23:13

I just watched this, open mouthed. The misery of the women was clear, the jealousy and insecurity. Now "Abe" wants to add his dead brother's two wives into the mix..what an absolute twat. In real life, this man couldn't pull a muscle, let alone all of these attractive women. They had lovely houses though (that's the only positive!).

I unwittingly shared my husband with many women during our marriage. Fortunately, somebody else has that problem now. Lucky, lucky her Wink

EffinElle · 30/03/2017 23:15

5 wives and 19 children..what could possibly go wrong.....

Ageinghippy · 30/03/2017 23:16

Name changed for this.

I am divorced due to my ex cheating BUT he was an idiot because he knew I was open minded and we had discussed open marriage. What was unacceptable was the deception and gas lighting.

I have never been a sexually jealous person. I have tried dating since and it's not the right fit for me. But I missed sex, long story short I discovered swinging.

Through that I have met others in open marriages and polyamorous relationships and it works for them (not saying it would work for everyone). Some are functioning like full families living in large houses with all partners living there (due to prejudice they often say one or more of the partners is a lodger) and dc all together.

I have thought a lot and discussed with these friends, IF I consider another relationship, it would likely be polyamourous. I'm not interested in living with someone else again, don't want more kids, get along with most people.

Monogamy isn't exactly working either is it?

expatinscotland · 30/03/2017 23:16

'But am I right in thinking Mormon's use the King James Bible where it states it's 'unclean' to marry your brother's wife?'

They are not Mormons! They're a cult sect who make up their own rules.

smallchanceofrain · 30/03/2017 23:16

Could I share him? Never mind sharing him. He's been such a tosser tonight you can have him! Grin

Titsywoo · 30/03/2017 23:17

I know lots of Mormons (through dhs work). They are all monogamous. I think it's dying out to be honest.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 30/03/2017 23:17

If she was bisexual too so we could all share each other then yeah I'd be up to it. If it's just for DH's benefit then no. I'm an amazing wife but I'm not that generous.

BakeOffBiscuits · 30/03/2017 23:17

It does for many people AgeingHippy

Want2bSupermum · 30/03/2017 23:19

I live here in the US and my neighbour has always had Utah nannies (au pairs really). They are young girls who are well known for being excellent with children because they come from big families. My neighbour told me they also want to hire them so they can see a different family dynamic that isn't totally based around God and it helps that they are cheap working for $7 an hour compared to $15+ if local.

There is a lot of abuse that goes on in those homes and yes the boys are treated terribly. The tax rules of head of household give them $$$$ and setting up their homes as places of worship result in them not having to pay property taxes, saving them lots (our property taxes are considered tame at $15k a year with the average being about $20-25k in my town and higher in other towns).

Also - I don't share my chocolate or my shoes and my DH is def off limits.

KC225 · 30/03/2017 23:21

I am fascinated by 'Sister Wives' but I do think it's all about his ego. Although they are Mormons, they don't seem as observant as some. He seems to live with the latest wife and the other wives seem to have their own. Still don't get what they get out of it though. It seems chaotic

LuluJakey1 · 30/03/2017 23:22

No. But if anyone is interested in a 14 1/2 stone, Yorkshireman with a big nose and untidy habits they can have him.

ThePiglet59 · 30/03/2017 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Isthisusernamefree · 30/03/2017 23:30

Sorry expat I know what these people practice is the 'fundamental' version, I.e. they are not mormons, but they do still read from the bible so I presumed they probably used the same one as the wider religion! Although whatever bible version it is, I'm pretty sure they all contain the bit about it not being a good idea to marry your brother's wife?

In the blurb at the end for next week's programme, one of the brother's wives was saying something about if she and Abel had children they would actually be Jim's. Which is nonsense, they would be Abel's. But according to the Bible they wouldn't have any more surviving children because that's the consequence of marrying your husband's brother (equally nonsense) so I don't see where she would get the idea the kids would be her dead husband's.

SiestaFiesta · 30/03/2017 23:32

I know some poly (polyamorous rather than polygamy) people through a lgbt group and seems to work for them. Theirs is more equal in a way however than one man and lots of women sharing him.

Theoretically I think I could have some sort of poly relationship. Have zero jealousy with partners and love my own space. Couldn't take on more than one myself though, get precious little time to myself as it is.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 30/03/2017 23:34

Mormons have the Book of Mormon rather than the King James Bible, don't they?

ThePiglet59 · 30/03/2017 23:36

A lot of these posts sound more like women who are sick of/have fucked up their current relationships rather ten a real interest in polygamy

BadTasteFlump · 30/03/2017 23:39

I've been watching and love the programme in a Shock way.

But no way in hell could I live like that - the thought of DH happily saying goodnight then whisking some other 'wife' off to bed right under my nose makes me feel murderous! Maybe I'm just old fashioned (ha ha) but when we got married it meant (amongst other things) that we would only sleep with each other. If it ever got to the point where first of all he wanted to sleep with someone else, and second of all I didn't mind if he did, I would consider our relationship fucked.

BrieAndChilli · 30/03/2017 23:40

It's all quite insular as well
Can't remember the name but there was a guy who was the head of a community who was put in prison - young girls were made to marry older men, sometimes thier relations etc . The wives were so poor and don't have access to money, all money had to be paid to the church. I don't know the whole story but it shows how the religion can be misused to suit a mans ego

I watch my four wives and they are quite 'modern' but even in thier family one of the wives mums was married to the husbands dad, one had previously been married to another wives brother or cousin, one of the daughters married her uncles wife's brother.

Brokenbiscuit · 30/03/2017 23:43

A lot of these posts sound more like women who are sick of/have fucked up their current relationships rather ten a real interest in polygamy

Most of them are just joking, Piglet. You're reading far too much into the comments.

I'm guessing that your OH doesn't love you for your sense of humour, but I'm sure you have other qualities. Wink

AcrossthePond55 · 30/03/2017 23:53

Brie you're thinking of Warren Jeffs and his FLDS 'church'. The men were nothing but a bunch of paedophiles.

We happened to drive through one of the FLDS towns about 15 years ago, Colorado City AZ. Had to stop and get gas. Fucking creepy place. We didn't see a single female and the men we saw were older and just stared at you and wouldn't speak. It wasn't until years later that what was going on came out. Explained everything.

Ageinghippy · 30/03/2017 23:54

"It does for many people AgeingHippy"

Really? Almost 50% divorce stats, that's not including the couples that live together and then split or the couples staying in unhappy marriages.

I too think a lot of the 'ha! You're welcome to him' posts are tongue in cheek.

VestalVirgin · 31/03/2017 00:02

I could share a husband in a world where one boy is born for ten girls and consequently, patriarchal oppression is not a thing.
(Read "A Brother's Price" by Wen Spencer if you want to know more)
And of course, I would know beforehand with whom I will share.

In patriarchy? Not bloody likely. I'd never become a Mormon in the first place. They have many more issues than just the polygyny.
Did you know they kick young men out for fabricated reasons so the patriarchs can have multiple wives? (Otherwise, obviously, the maths wouldn't add up)
It is vile.

If I had entered a marriage under the assumption that it will be monogamous, and then it was suggested to me to "share" ... nope.

In patriarchy, two women cannot share a husband, they can only be owned by him.

"Sharing" implies that the women are in control of the conditions, and that's just not the case in any patriarchal society, probably not even with polyamourous relationships that were started honestly.

BigBangTheory789 · 31/03/2017 00:17

No I could never share my husband, it is something I would never accept...

In Islam men are allowed to have up to four wives BUT only if the first wife agrees to it and it has to be either because the first side cannot perform her 'duties' or cannot have children and in that case with the permission of the first wife they may take a second but of course some men are pricks and they will take advantage of this and will go ahead and take a second wife without even consulting the first... He would be breaking the law by doing this and actually his second marriage would be illegitimate Islamically, women are actually given alot of rights in Islam that many don't know about, mostly because men rule and they will find a way to silence the women unfortunately...

Culturally though it is not really accepted to take a second wife for us, I don't think most men could handle it, saying that my grandfather did, his first wife accepted that she could not have kids and told him to take a second wife who could possibly bear him children, funny thing was that as soon as his new wife fell pregnant, so did the first... My mum didn't know who her real mother was until she was around 7, she was mostly looked after by her step mother who she has great love for so I guess it can work out in some cases, but I think she was oblivious to some of the obvious jealousy and rivalry between the two wives....

Somebody asked so just to mention, there is a tribe in Africa where the women have multiple husbands, I'll try and find it and post it here...

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 31/03/2017 00:56

I wouldn't be happy with my DH having anyone else on the side. No matter what name you put on it. I know of one woman and her "Husband" had a couple of other wives and they shared him he is a dirty sod and they all claimed lone parents. He moved in a "cleaner" to the woman's family home. He stayed elsewhere a couple of nights a week with another "wife" and children. He was very abusive to all of them.

SaudadeObama · 31/03/2017 01:16

We lived in salt lake city for a while. Within the actual city most mainstream Mormons didn't have multiple wives, all our neighbours were conventional 2 parent familes there were a few suburbs we went to where the houses were enormous. It took a while to figure out that these were polygamous neighbourhoods.
I find the practice in western society a bit creepy. But I've got a Ghanayan friend whose father had several wives. She said the wives provide each other with friendship and support. No one is left raising children alone or being solely responsible for the household. I can see how that, in other cultures, could be a positive thing. There's probably less depression and spousal/child abuse, in general at least.