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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

HAVE JUST HAD TO HAVE A WORD WITH NEW NANNY

132 replies

frenziednester · 07/03/2007 18:03

My nanny started work on Sunday and today I was working when I heard her really nagging DS1 to eat his tea, in a very abrasive manner which I was very cross about. We are going through a period of immense change as a family which she has been verbally and foramlly briefed on in her welcome notes, and her contract clearly states what sort of discipline and parenting style I am happy with. I have bent over backwards to make her feel welcome - put a fridge, DVD player, TV and video in her room, bought her a PAYG mobile and initial credit and she even has an hour off in the middle of the day, which I am told is not normally expected. I filled her fridge, took her shopping for food as she said she was a fussy eater and did not like what I was cooking, and I am feeling a little bit put out that she has nto even said a polite thank you - is that unreasonable?

OP posts:

Eleusis · 07/03/2007 21:12

Okay, now I have read what she actually said to your DC, and you can forget what I said about letting her do it her way. I would expect a nanny to know better. You've had the talk with her. If she does it again, I'd give a verbal warning, then again and she'd get a written warning. And one more time would get her dimissed.

ssd · 07/03/2007 21:12

I've lived in as a nanny in about 5 different jobs and never acted like her.

Of course its hard, but you both adjust slowly and try to work things out, not the nanny arriving like she's entitled to hog the remote and shout at the kids..........(thats what your dh is for.....sorry!)

no sorry I don't like the sound of her at all

where are you in the country? have you no-one that could help for a few days till you get a temp in?

wish you were in Glasgow, I'd help you!

ssd · 07/03/2007 21:14

agree with scottishthistle, doesn't matter what she earns, she has no right to be a complete cow to your little boy

(I'm getting very angry with her up here in Scotland, want to slap her now)

Original poster

frenziednester · 07/03/2007 21:18

thanks all for so much support - didn't realise how much I needed to hear it until I started to type. I'm going to go now for this evening and try and get through to DH and chew it out with him. I honestly really appreciate the time you've all taken to respond. I'll let you know what happens...!

OP posts:

Eleusis · 07/03/2007 21:20

You are welcome.

Good luck.

NappiesGalore · 07/03/2007 21:21

you can get rid if you want to. even if theres no 'trial period' or sim in the contract, no court in the world would expect you to have to keep someone you find unsuitable in your house around your children. would they???

always listen to your gut. dont sack her coz we're telling you to, but do if YOU want to. if youd rather struggle than expose your children to her.... trust your gut. thats what its for!

NappiesGalore · 07/03/2007 21:22

scottishthistle - you sound lovely. i wish all nannies were like you!

ScottishThistle · 07/03/2007 21:25

Welcome & I hope things either improve dramatically or you choose to get rid of her!

sunnysideup · 07/03/2007 22:44

Have to agree, having read what she actually said; she sounds awful. Rude, nasty, disrespectful to your children....doing better than that shouldn't be something that she needs time to 'learn'..she should be able to treat the kids far far better than that. I really think someone who can talk to them like that at all, is never going to provide adequate care, no matter how long or how thorough the settling in period and instructions....

lilybubble · 07/03/2007 22:52

Sorry you're having to deal with this frenziednester. I agree that she was totally out of order in the manner in which she spoke to your son. Sounds as though you have been really generous to her, and she is completely taking advantage.

I think I would want rid of her if she treated me and my child like this.

Good luck.

luciemule · 07/03/2007 23:11

hi FN - will be ringing you tomorrow morning if you're about? Sorry - I said I'd call the other week - you must think I'm terrible but we were all ill. However, didn't realise baby due in only 3 weeks - you must be shattered and non-helpful nanny making it even more tiring for you. Speak tomorrow am if you're in.
Luce

Anna8888 · 08/03/2007 06:54

I think it's incredibly difficult to change someone else's communication style with children quickly. Mostly we learn our communication style with children in our own childhood and we need to gain a lot of self-awareness to change it for the better.

If you change your nanny (and I think you should), make sure that you have plenty of time to observe any new candidates "in situ" before taking one on.

Flossam · 08/03/2007 07:27

£200 a week with no food or housing costs is a decent wage IMO! If I had that there would be no worries in the world.

Whoooosh · 08/03/2007 08:47

Have slept on this overnight and really think if it were me in the situation I would go with my gut feel and get rid.
She doesn't appear to be trying at all-usually in anyone's first week at work they at least make a little extra effort.

I had a nightmare nanny too once for a week and I really did want to kill her for much the same reasons you describe.My daughter at 18mts was calling her name from the bottom of the stairs,saying "hi" and was completely ignored.One very minor example of her behaviour.

There are some great nannies out there and you have done everything right to make her feel welcome and appreciated.Please don't let this experience change that with any new nanny you may take on.

I really feel for you but follow your gut/heart.

Please let us know how it goes.

batters · 08/03/2007 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whoooosh · 08/03/2007 09:30

Hi Batters (SJW)

Sorry for hijack.

RedTartanLass · 08/03/2007 09:43

Oh good luck with your decision, I think you know which way you have to go.

ScottishThistle · 08/03/2007 09:47

Frenziednester...how are things with your family today?

NappiesGalore...gee thanks (head swelling), I wish all Nannies were professional/patient/sensitive but sadly there'll always be girls out there who are not doing it because they love children.

Also, being a live-in Nanny is much more difficult than live-out...Not all girls are suited to the strains live-in can bring.

Whoooosh · 08/03/2007 09:57

Ready to be shot down in flames here by all nursery workers but her attitude does sound very similar to that which I have experienced in nurseries at meal times....all about hurrying the kids up and little care for proper one to one interaction.

piglit · 08/03/2007 10:02

I really would suggest that you get rid of her. When I was reading your OP it sent a shiver down my spine and made me wonder if you had hired our old nanny!

Ours started off ok but I did have concerns at how quickly she snapped at my dses (who were then 4 months and 16 months). I pulled her up on it and she denied saying what I heard her say. It got worse and worse and I got scared to leave the house in case she was even more aggressive with them. Ds2 was a very difficult baby (preemie, colic for 17 weeks, etc) and she could not handle him at all. When he began weaning at about 7 months she was impatient with him and he used to be sick at/after every meal. She told my cleaner that she thought he was "backward". I wanted to punch her very very hard. We even went to the hosptial to check if he had any digestion problems because the vomiting got so bad. Anyway, I pulled her up on everything with a view to saying "this isn't working, here's a months money" but before I could finish my sentence she said "I'm leaving as of right now". Thank god.

Ds2's vomiting stopped overnight and ds1 was a much happier child. I regularly torture myself for putting my dses through those few months of hell. Please don't make the same mistake as me.

And another thing to bear in mind. Babies are soooo much harder work than a 3 year old and a lot of nannies who haven't worked with newborns just don't realise that until they have to deal with them. What really scared me was that my litte dses couldn't tell me what was wrong and what she was doing to them. I so wish I'd got rid of our old nanny the very first time I'd felt that nagging voice of concern.

RedTartanLass · 08/03/2007 10:07

piglit the vommitting stopped overnight. How awful for you all.

piglit · 08/03/2007 10:08

I'm really not a violent person but sometimes I would like 5 minutes alone in a room with her....

Whoooosh · 08/03/2007 10:11

Oh Piglit-how awful.Your post really reminded me of my nightmare nanny although thank God my dd was physically ok.
She was definitely scarred by the experience though and turned from a vivacious,bubbly social child into a clingy and insecure one-in a week!
I didn't even trust this girl to babysit when dd was asleep in bed-that's when I knew she had to go.

amidaiwish · 08/03/2007 11:08

whooooosh - "experienced in nurseries"... how many exactly?

batters · 08/03/2007 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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