Urgh I don't want to go to this wedding

[pinkskyatnight]

Our friends are getting married this Sunday. They are old friends we met them 14 years ago. They moved 6 years ago and we haven't seen the since but keep in touch.

We knew they were getting married as we saw the countdown to the wedding on Facebook. Assumed we weren't invited as we obviously aren't that close anymore. So bought them a card and voucher to send off today.

We were invited to joint stag & hen do but declined because it was a boozey week in Spain and really not our cup of tea.

Yesterday I found out that we have in fact been invited to the wedding. The invitation was sent to our old address by mistake. They do have our new address as we received a card at Xmas.
Obviously we didn't RSVP as we didn't get a invite.

The bride has been in contact yesterday re parking arrangements for their big day. I replied to her that I was confused as we have not been invited.

Despite us not RSVPing they have paid for our meal and are "expecting us to be their" and they will be "disappointed if we don't show up"

I have explained that my husband will be working on Sunday and that it's very short notice. Plus a 2-2.5 hour drive away.

I should of said no we couldn't make it but instead I said I would see what I could do, as she was getting quite upset that we were not going to be there.

I had absolutely no intention of going but told DH late last night what had happened and assumed he would say no way. He doesn't want to go but he thinks we should if we can so is trying to get Sunday off, but won't know until tomorrow.

I bloody well should of kept my mouth closed.
If he can get the day off I'm going to have to arrange child care (it's a child free wedding apart from the bride & grooms children) Dog care and I will have to go into town and get a outfit for myself as I have nothing. Literally nothing apart from jeans (that are bursting at them seems as I have gained weight)

Oh FFS please tell me I am not being unreasonable for not wanting to go.

Aw wouldnt you just love to write back: Fuck you bridezilla , your attitude means you have 1 less guest. All the best for your marriage!

Obv you can't but she would probably spit her tea out reading it lol

This is no friend worth crossing the road for! She will pay the same wether you are there or not - yet she is treating you like conscripts! Hells teeth..........................

It's quarter to 9 now and she never did actually get back to me with the details of you know.... where the venue is.

I do understand what a few have said re her being stressed out.

But she fucked up by not sending us a invite (or did to wrong address) she then invited us at late notice. Demanded we be there and then fucked up again by not sending the details.

I give up.

She's not being nice about it, no sorry I'm mortified at what happened, here's the details if you can make it we would love to see you.

Oh dear! Well, you have no details then you can't go so it's taken out of your hands.

If you've arranged childcare anyway - could you keep to the arrangement and you and DH sneak off for some relaxed R&R somewhere? Like a hotel room, and room service?

Rorty - exactly !

Hehe that's a good suggestion.

The plan won't change as grandparents were looking forward to it. Plus my dad was helping her with a project.

So we will go for a nice pub lunch Instead I think.

pinksky - enjoy your evening. Don't feel guilty as you have done nothing wrong. There is no excuse for horror bride's shocking behaviour.

ring her and ask her "did you remember to order me a gluten free vegan meal?"

I would not go, but I would send something neutral (don't attack when she is stress central) like 'Hi x, I am sorry that despite our best efforts at late notice we have not been able to make suitable arrangements and will be sorry to miss celebrating in person with you. The invitations going astray is one of those things, no ones fault, and I know how stressful arranging weddings can be, so genuinely sorry we did not realise sooner. I will be popping our card and gift in the post as I had planned before I knew about the invite, and would love to meet up for a belated celebration with you and y as soon as poss. Good luck and best wishes'.

Pre wedding stress hasnt caused this (and it's no excuse!). It's rude, demanding and entitled behaviour. I'd not send a gift - it would be misinterpreted anyway - a good wishes for the future card (at a push) if you know that their address - but I'd move on and enjoy your child free day with your husband.

She sounds awful in the last conversation but you clearly did not want to go anyway so were you looking for a get out card? I accept its difficult with young children but always amazed by the number of people on MN who cannot do anything at short notice. No events or visitors without a major planning exercise.

That last text clearly shows you were called up to fill places. And as there's no details of venue, etc, then I simply wouldn't bother making any attempt to go.

I'd write this friendship off.

I'd send this text after the wedding:

'Dear x, unfortunately I never heard back from you with venue details, it was going to prove difficult for us to make it on such short notice anyway. I hope you both had a wonderful day filled with special memories. Your wedding card and gift are in the post, all the best for the future, pinkskyatnight'

She's not a friend. You sound nice but she doesn't. Don't bother sending a present either.

now I've seen the update - yes, weddings are a good way to find out how much you are valued as a friend!

I hope you hadn't send the gift already, you can now not send it

I think the invite going AWOL, okay, one admin fuck up, but this clearly shows they are having a "show" wedding and they just want the seats filled. Ugh. Anyway, you will have a nice peaceful day.

Hope you had a nice day OP, this 'friend' doesn't deserve you.

Well that's a great update. You don't have to go to a wedding you didn't really want to go to, through no fault of your own. And as a bonus you get some childcare and time off work thrown in

All's well that ends well.

Deffinatly don't send a gift, she's behaved terribly!

My bloody DH had a call this morning at 6am to say they were 3 men short so he ended up going in.

Will teach him to keep his mouth closed in future and not tell his boss he has nothing on.

I've looked at bride and grooms Facebook and nothing's been posted no pics no one has tagged themselves at the venue so still none the wiser where it was.

I'm surprised as her whole life is normally on Facebook.

I will send a congratulations message tomorrow.

I'm sorry OP... some people don't seem to engage brain before mouth!

Aw. I hope you had a nice day to yourself.

Make sure bride knows you were up for going if only she'd have let you know where to go!

At least you don't have the prospect of a 2-hour drive roundabout now!

Why would she send a Christmas card to the correct address and a wedding invitation to the old address. You shouldn't have to go if you don't want to. I'm sure that had you received an invite you'd have sent an rsvp had you known all along that you wouldn't want to go in the first place rather than leave it to get a call to ask as most people know from the start whether they want to go to a wedding or not. Seems like what some have said perhaps she's looking to fill up seats. I wouldn't go. Don't feel guilty that it's all last minute just don't go.