Urgh I don't want to go to this wedding

[pinkskyatnight]

Our friends are getting married this Sunday. They are old friends we met them 14 years ago. They moved 6 years ago and we haven't seen the since but keep in touch.

We knew they were getting married as we saw the countdown to the wedding on Facebook. Assumed we weren't invited as we obviously aren't that close anymore. So bought them a card and voucher to send off today.

We were invited to joint stag & hen do but declined because it was a boozey week in Spain and really not our cup of tea.

Yesterday I found out that we have in fact been invited to the wedding. The invitation was sent to our old address by mistake. They do have our new address as we received a card at Xmas.
Obviously we didn't RSVP as we didn't get a invite.

The bride has been in contact yesterday re parking arrangements for their big day. I replied to her that I was confused as we have not been invited.

Despite us not RSVPing they have paid for our meal and are "expecting us to be their" and they will be "disappointed if we don't show up"

I have explained that my husband will be working on Sunday and that it's very short notice. Plus a 2-2.5 hour drive away.

I should of said no we couldn't make it but instead I said I would see what I could do, as she was getting quite upset that we were not going to be there.

I had absolutely no intention of going but told DH late last night what had happened and assumed he would say no way. He doesn't want to go but he thinks we should if we can so is trying to get Sunday off, but won't know until tomorrow.

I bloody well should of kept my mouth closed.
If he can get the day off I'm going to have to arrange child care (it's a child free wedding apart from the bride & grooms children) Dog care and I will have to go into town and get a outfit for myself as I have nothing. Literally nothing apart from jeans (that are bursting at them seems as I have gained weight)

Oh FFS please tell me I am not being unreasonable for not wanting to go.

the effort will be worth it

How on earth do you know that it will be?

Tell her you cannot go and present it as a fait accompli to your husband. People who moved away 6 years ago & whom you don't see aren't really your friends anymore.

So the Bride wanted you to be there so much that she hasn't bothered to speak to you in any way except the hen do invitation since announcing the wedding?
If She wanted you there so badly why didn't she think to mention it.

You have t seen them in 6 years? I wouldn't go.

I don't believe for one minute that she sent an invitation to your old address. More likely she has had lots of last minute drop outs and is trying to guilt trip you into filling a couple of seats. I wouldn't go.

This x 100!

Email. Dear Bride, I've done everything possible to try to rearrange our weekend to make your wedding but unfortunately with only 48 Hours notice it simply isn't possible. Have a wonderful day, love Pink and Mr Pink.'

I still really don't want to go, but have put arrangements in place incase we do.

It is up to both of you. No one is forcing you to go. If you don't want to go then don't go. There is no ' in case'.

OP, chill, don't go, it's going to cause you too much angst.
Just send the card and the voucher, and wish them well.

Dear Bride

I'm really sorry, but the notice was too short for DH to get the weekend off. Have a great day.

Love, pinksky

PS If you're on mumsnet, it isn't me. Honest.

I don't believe she sent an invite, probably had drop outs. This happened to us and we just killed off a relative as an excuse to not go.

It's a good job we're not close friends cos we always kill that fictional relative off whenever we need an excuse to not go somewhere. Think he's died about 5 times in the past 5 years!

Yanbu. Send card and voucher and claim sickness if dh insists on going!

I was invited to a wedding once as a last minute guest. The bride was up front and said she'd had cancellations and she knew I wouldn't be offended being on the b list. She was right. I had a fab time and didn't give my late entry a second thought. BUT if she had dicked about saying she sent an invite to the wrong address etc etc I would have seen through the bull shit and I wouldn't have gone. Sincerity, honesty and integrity count for a lot!

If you go, I bet you'll have a fabulous time.

Would your DH be happy going by himself?

If you haven't seen them for 6 years you can't have been very close!

I agree the bride would have contacted you earlier than just rely on a post invitation.
I wouldnt go either, wouls just send card.
Anything about food already paid etc. shouldnt make you feel guilty for it! It was their choice to do without confirmation.

I wouldn't bother going.

With our wedding, anyone who didn't reply, we chased up.

If we didn't get a firm yes or no, we just ditched them from the guest list.

Don't go, life's too short.

I think she's bullshitting about paying for your meal, I reckon some guests have dropped out. Why would she assume you were coming when you didn't RSVP or attend hen & stag.

I always make the effort to attend peoples special occasions like weddings and christenings unless I am abroad. We all know how it feels to have a wedding or a christening or a party and people not to turn up. If you can go by hook or crook then go; it means nothing to you but it could mean everything to them.

Agree it sounds like you were a last-minute addition, but as someone who is currently organising a sit-down function with having to have exact numbers I totally agree with sonyaya in that it's very disrespectful when someone pulls out at the last minute for a lame reason.

Don't go! Agree with everyone else, they are trying to use you to fill gaps. And being rude with it. Why on earth does your DH want to faff about changing things like days off for a B list invite for people who play no part in your day to day life? I assume you're not that desperate for a stilted, over long, over priced day out with a bunch of randoms?!

I know you probably don't want to but I probably would. You will feel better about it.

I'd make the effort and go, if you can. The fact you were invited to the stag/hen do makes it less clear cut that you are just being invited to fill gaps, imo, though I agree that it is odd not to have chased your RSVP earlier. Some people are just disorganised though.

I think the telling phrase in this is "we were invited to the joint stag and hen do".....surely that means you're invited to the wedding?

Sorry, finished my post too early. If you were asked to stag and hen, then surely your attendance at wedding is a given?