Urgh I don't want to go to this wedding

[pinkskyatnight]

Our friends are getting married this Sunday. They are old friends we met them 14 years ago. They moved 6 years ago and we haven't seen the since but keep in touch.

We knew they were getting married as we saw the countdown to the wedding on Facebook. Assumed we weren't invited as we obviously aren't that close anymore. So bought them a card and voucher to send off today.

We were invited to joint stag & hen do but declined because it was a boozey week in Spain and really not our cup of tea.

Yesterday I found out that we have in fact been invited to the wedding. The invitation was sent to our old address by mistake. They do have our new address as we received a card at Xmas.
Obviously we didn't RSVP as we didn't get a invite.

The bride has been in contact yesterday re parking arrangements for their big day. I replied to her that I was confused as we have not been invited.

Despite us not RSVPing they have paid for our meal and are "expecting us to be their" and they will be "disappointed if we don't show up"

I have explained that my husband will be working on Sunday and that it's very short notice. Plus a 2-2.5 hour drive away.

I should of said no we couldn't make it but instead I said I would see what I could do, as she was getting quite upset that we were not going to be there.

I had absolutely no intention of going but told DH late last night what had happened and assumed he would say no way. He doesn't want to go but he thinks we should if we can so is trying to get Sunday off, but won't know until tomorrow.

I bloody well should of kept my mouth closed.
If he can get the day off I'm going to have to arrange child care (it's a child free wedding apart from the bride & grooms children) Dog care and I will have to go into town and get a outfit for myself as I have nothing. Literally nothing apart from jeans (that are bursting at them seems as I have gained weight)

Oh FFS please tell me I am not being unreasonable for not wanting to go.

Just to put an alternative perspective, we genuinely had an invitation go astray at our wedding. Possibly I sent it to the wrong address, possibly it got lost in the post, possibly I didn't actually post it because I was very sleep deprived with DS while wedding planning but the guest didn't receive it. I chased it about a month after RSVPs were due, which was about three weeks before the wedding, when we had to finalise numbers, and the guest explained he hadn't had the invite but said he'd come which I was thrilled with. He then got drunk at the wedding and spent the whole reception going round telling everyone he'd been invited late as a place-filler - I'm actually still really upset he thought that!

Sorry, finished my post too early. If you were asked to stag and hen, then surely your attendance at wedding is a given?

You would think so however I know a number of people that invite people to stag and hen dos but not the wedding! I really don't agree with it, but it does happen.

I would totally go. I love weddings. Any wedding. In fact OP I volunteer to go as your proxy ignores geographical fact that I am 6000 miles away

OP, how (and when) were you invited to the stag and hen? By email? When you declined did they say, "Oh, well, we'll see you at the wedding!"

If your DH is so keen to go let him go on his own and you enjoy a day to yourself.

laura2507

I agree.

I think it's pretty rude to invite to a stag/hen and not the wedding but when I said that on a thread someone started about it a few months back lots of people said it was ridiculous. It does happen.

Your husband wants to go. So that surely has to be a consideration. Also they are your friends. They are probably stressed if I could go I would. But if u can't get babysitter dogs Itteringham and outfit don't feel bad about not going.

You didn't RSVP so it's not your problem if she presumed too much.
Just tell her the truth - nearly - say DH can't get off work and no childcare available and you would have LOVED to have attended had you have known in advance and what a shame that the invitation went astray.
A firm no.

Surely they can't genuinely expect you to go to a wedding at short notice that requires child care, dog care, a change in working arrangements, a five hour round trip? Two days isn't long enough to sort that out (for the vast majority of people anyway)

It used to be accepted that some people only had a "celebration" invitation, as many people preferred to have only close friends and family to the actual wedding, thus avoiding problems with small churches (and possible problems mixing more formal elderly relatives with one's own friends/acquaintances), apart from the cost, of course.
Seems even less likely that OP and husband were invited to both stag-do and marriage without any mention of cost of latter, which seems to be bothering the bride at this stage.
(Just adding to reasons not to go, which might change husband's mind.)

We were pretty much all set for going but after the way I've been spoken to I am tempted to tell her where to shove her invite.

As we haven't had a invite, we know none of the details of the venue etc. I do know the start time of the wedding is 2pm.

I've contacted her this morning to get all the details and mentioned we won't be staying late as Monday is a school day and the drive back will take atleast 2 hours. We want to be out of there at the very latest 6:30.

The reply was. "Well you better be there for the meal and evening buffet as I've bloody well paid for you both"

To me this now feels like a demand not a request.

If you are holding a wedding on a Sunday, you can't surely expect people to be staying that late? That's the chance you take right?

I've just text DH and told him I'm not going, if he wants to then fine.

I can't believe what I am reading! After your latest update I am even more convinced that you have just been invited because others have dropped out. Her attitude stinks! This takes bridezilla to a whole new level.

wtf??

Just saw your latest update .... WTF! What a fucking bitch. No way she got your address wrong - you're filling in 2 spots last minute for cancellations. After what she has said, I would text her back and say "following on from your extremely rude text and the fact that you never invited us in the first place - you had our new address given we received a card from you at Christmas - we will not be attending. Good luck."

She's no friend.

Don't go! How fucking rude.

And DO NOT send her the present / voucher.

We went to a sunday wedding OP and it was beyond awful. Most people weren't drinking due to work the next day, and by 9pm the whole place was deserted as everyone had left. The party never got going, was completely lacking in atmosphere and I don't honestly know what they were thinking. No amount of discount is worth having a crap day for.

If you go you must be mad.

Pink sky, in view of her last comment I think you have to decline, though you could say something mildly pa like," oops, looks as though we will be paying for lunch next time we meet up, which by my reckoning will be 2023!"

This takes bridezilla to a whole new level.
Actually, I think this is unfair. I've seen bridezilla threads, and this bride comes nowhere near those.

Pinksky, if you choose not to go, I think that's fine at this late stage, and if your DH wants to go and is happy to be there without you, also fine.

You can call "Bridezilla" if you like; you can object to her rudeness; or you could cut her a little slack the day before her wedding and understand why she might be a little be tense.

Oh just send her a text at about 2.15pm tomorrow saying "We're here! Can't see any of you though " and subsequently claim you went to the wrong address...

ArvidsDaddy
Go and try to have a good time. They did think of you and it is always a nice occasion to meet people, and the effort will be worth it.

For whom? Not the OP who doesn't want to go. How big of them to think of the OP two (or whatever) days before the event and I'm pretty sure the OP doesn't need to attend a wedding to meet people.

OP don't know - take your DH out somewhere for a treat as he has the day off

Grrr that should be don't go and after your last update I would be telling her where to shove the meal and buffet.

DON'T GO!

after that update definitely don't go or even think of sending a gift! I know sometimes someone who is normally lovely can snap/say something rude out of character when stressed but I don't think that's what she did with that message...
Save yourself the hassle of it all.

Even before that latest update I was going to say tell DH he can go if he wants but you don't want to.

What a cow!!