Toddlers on a plane

[gingertigercat]

I want to see how others would react in my situation or if my lack of sleep led to me being unreasonable.

On a rather long and early flight, hence the lack of sleep, I had a toddler behind me. The father was asleep in a separate row. The mother was asleep sprawled over 2 seats and the grandmother was looking after the toddler who was mainly on her lap. The whole flight he kicked our chairs, smacked the seats, grabbed at us, stuck his head through the gaps, and clambered between his grans lap and over his mum. He was loud throughout the flight. The gran did tell him a few times to stop smacking the seats but it did nothing.

I think had the mum just been asleep in her own seat there would have been much less disruption. I would have said something but I felt bad seeing as the gran wasn't the parent and I'm not very confrontational.

I understand toddlers can be hard work and the parents were probably exhausted but surely it shouldn't have been at other passengers expense? What would other people do in this situation?

Where's Samuel L Jackson when you need him?
He WOULD have stopped the kicking...

tinypop4, I said if you aren't prepared to parent your toddler sufficiently so they don't annoy other passengers, you shouldn't fly. I stand by that. My toddler isn't particularly docile / easy, but when I fly long haul with her I make sure she behaves. It's hard work; I don't fly 15+ hours with her for shits and giggles either, you know.

If you allow your child to disturb and bother people then you can expect to be judged. Neither of mine behaved like that, I didn't let them.
And to all others that are already judging...just because yours dont behave like this doesnt mean everybody else's child is the same, no matter how much discipline and telling off involved. It's not because of soft parenting or whatever else you think.

Kicking, pushing etc is unnaceptable... BUT though I dont 'let' mine behave in any way like that, but I have 2 very active boys, together they conspire to behave in a way they never do at home when going on a flight and you can try all the discipline you want, there is sometimes not an awful lot you can do. And I take a bag full of things for bribery trust me.

YOUR children are different to MINE or anyone elses! Dont judge every child the same, it's bloody hard as it for some parents to get through a flight that needs 500% constant monitoring. When there are children like this behind me and the parents are trying to keep themm under control I sympathise with the parents not judge.

And no, I will not stop flying, why should I based on thoughtless, judging looks from other people. Put yourself in a world with differently behaved children for 10 seconds despite you disciplining.

You guys judging are the utterly thoughtless ones...

I was on a long haul flight just yesterday. Someone behind me just across the aisle had an 11 month child with them. After lights went out (over-night flight) the mother handed the child to the woman sitting directly behind me (I don't even think they knew each other). Everyone on the plane was trying to sleep but the child continuously kicked my seat and then started peering over the top of my seat and screeching in my face whilst I was trying to sleep. After 5 mins of tolerating this and several passive aggressive stares I turned around and shushed the child and said it was bedtime. This seemed to be enough for the mother finally to take note that not everyone on the plane was enjoying being kept awake by her little darling.

And by behave, I don't mean no crying or tantrums, I mean preventing them kicking people/their chairs, annoying the people behind by sticking their faces through the gap etc etc. You know, basic manners.

I said if you aren't prepared to parent your toddler sufficiently so they don't annoy other passengers, you shouldn't fly. I stand by that

Agree entirely that you should parent your toddler, but perfect behaviour for 14 hours is VERY difficult with young toddlers, no matter how hard you try there may be a tantrum, or something less than ideal that might take a few minutes to get in check. What should you do with your toddler then, leave it behind?!

Yanbu. No need for a child to be kicking and grabbing at your seats. I'd rather listen to a child tantrum because they were told no than have one kicking my seat for hours on end. I think as long as others know you are trying your best most will leave you well alone and probably sympathise. It's when parents don't do anything that others will more likely be grumpy.

If you know your children are going to be a nightmare for everyone on a flight and you cannot control them why on earth take them on one?

If you know your children are going to be a nightmare for everyone on a flight and you cannot control them why on earth take them on one?

This again. Because sometimes you have to get places, urgently. And you have to take your children with you.

No of course you shouldn't leave them behind, but you shouldn't do as the mother in the OP did, and sleep through the madness either! (Not that you do)! Keeping a toddler happy(ish) on a long flight is such hard work, but it's what their parents should be doing! As long as people see that you are trying, they are fine with some toddler rambunctiousness anyway in my experience.

Thanks all for the replies. Of course I understand it must be difficult to keep toddlers calm on a plane but I really think the mother made it much worse by sleeping the whole flight and taking the toddlers seat up as well when sleeping once the seatbelt signs were off; if he had his own seat he would have had more room and less chance of kicking other seats!

I will definitely ask (nicely!) if the toddler could stop kicking etc next time! Or possibly ask cabin crew as suggested !

"I have had it with these motherfucking toddlers on this motherfucking plane!"

On a serious note I am flying to Lanzarote in May with DD who will be 21 months, and I am absolutely dreading it. I would hate her to annoy other people like this am hoping that snacks plus endless Bing on the iPad will help contain her!

I have flown long haul with my 3 at varying stages of baby/toddlerhood.

I try to get day flights where possible as other passengers are less likely to need to sleep and therefore will hopefully be more tolerant if there is any noise. I let run around at the airport beforehand to tire them out and we are always the last to get on the plane.

When on board I ply them with food and place no restrictions on screen time. I also take minimal toys with us - otherwise they keep dropping them, wanting more out the bag etc. My partner and I also split them up as best we can do so that they are unable to squabble and keep annoying each other.

I would have no qualms about reprimanding a child who kicked my seat constantly, although I was furious when a man muttered under his breath 'shut that fucking kid up' referring to my 18 month old who had been on the plane for about 5 minutes and had barely made a sound. Turns out he was a very nervous flyer but still

Sorry - that last sentence got a bit garbled somehow but you get the idea!

As long as parents are doing their best to entertain and minimise disruption, people have to accept that toddlers are going to sometimes behave in ways others don't like.
If people don't like being around toddlers or others who can't help their less than perfect behaviour, they should stay out of public places.
I do agree with the op that in the case described the parents should have done more

Because you have to go somewhere? Maybe you live abroad and a family member is ill in the UK. Or a hundred and one other possibilities.

It is annoying for others but actually it's pretty impossible to stop a wriggling overtired toddler from writhing around and flailing at the seats in front. There is no such thing as knowing you can 'control a toddler' on a flight. They may have ear pain or feel uncomfortable with the dry air and they will be sitting on your lap which isn't fun either.

I was on a long-haul flight recently and one young toddler cried very loudly a lot of the time. It was annoying for me but it's only 12 hours out of my life. It was probably far more than annoying, as well as embarrassing, for the parents who were trying desperately to pacify the child.

I'd never expect perfect behaviour from a toddler.
I expect parents to make an effort to contain their kids to not be a pain to everyone else.

I hate how on here at the moment any comment about kids playing up gets met with "well you better be perfect/ oh so youve got the secret to perfect kids". Its not about being parent of the year or having perfect kids, its about being responsible and not letting your kids run riot because you cant be bothered to do anything purposeful about it.

YANBU. If the parents were doing everything possible to keep their child from disturbing you, and he did it anyway, then it would be U to judge. (Some on this thread seem to think that all toddlers will behave if parented correctly - I don't agree). But the parents of this toddler were not trying, they were asleep which as you say probably made the situation worse not better. YANBU at all.

Accidebtly hit post.

Basically, as long as parents are making an actual effort its fine but its not ok to just sit hack and watch your kid be badly behaved.

The father was asleep in a separate row.
I would have woken him up and insisted he swap seats with me. I'd have had the bloody rage that he gets to sleep while other people get kicked by his child.

I would speak to whoever was currently in charge of the child about kicking and pushing of the seat as that is avoidable and unacceptable.

The rest of it there's not much you can do but endure. It's slightly easier to deal with if the parents appear to be actively trying to manage their child.

I have to admit that I lost my patience on a long flight recently where the parents sat reading/ignoring their school aged children while they yelled, fought and generally drove everyone round the bend.

I turned round and said "shhh" sharply with my "Serious Mummy" face.

The children instantly shut up and were quiet for the rest of the flight. Possibly helped by the fact that the row behind them gave me a round of applause.

The parents said not a word, didn't look embarrassed or annoyed or anything, it was quite odd.

I did wonder if they usually travelled with a Nanny and were used to someone else disciplining their children.

Don't get me started on the woman who taught her toddler DD that it was fun and cute to run the length of the plane shouting "whheeeee".

Every time the kid did it she'd look round and beam at the other passengers as if it was adorable.

She was wearing homemade matching dunagrees to her DD

Yes elements! As soon as I saw the title I thought of...

I don't have children and of course if they're noisy or crying it is annoying but I would never suggest they don't fly. If I get on a plane, I am getting into a public mode of transport and have to expect members of the public, including children, to be present. Rather than children not flying, I think those that won't tolerate the noise that sometimes unavoidably comes with children shouldn't fly if they can't handle it.

(Noise of course being disctinct from kicking seats, which can be helped)

I had to ask a father to stop his child kicking my seat on a flight recently. And I asked again 10 minutes later and 20 minutes later. He didn't make much effort. Looked up from his movie and said stop each time.

I was travelling with 4 kids of my own and I would always be conscious of trying to minimise disturbance for others

Flew alone with DS, 2.5, on a long haul flight, just me and him. One connection.

He didn't sleep for 22 hours. I repeat, 22 hours. He kept opening the tray table, undoing his seat belt, opening the window shutter thing, etc etc ad infinitum. He did not stop, at all.

I bribed. I bollocked. I threatened. I was at the end of my tether. What was I supposed to do? Genuine question.

Woman in front kept motherfucking tutting. If she would have said something to me I would have let rip. Luckily a very nice chap from Blackpool was sat next to us and kept me sane. Bloody angel, that fella.