Toddlers on a plane

[gingertigercat]

I want to see how others would react in my situation or if my lack of sleep led to me being unreasonable.

On a rather long and early flight, hence the lack of sleep, I had a toddler behind me. The father was asleep in a separate row. The mother was asleep sprawled over 2 seats and the grandmother was looking after the toddler who was mainly on her lap. The whole flight he kicked our chairs, smacked the seats, grabbed at us, stuck his head through the gaps, and clambered between his grans lap and over his mum. He was loud throughout the flight. The gran did tell him a few times to stop smacking the seats but it did nothing.

I think had the mum just been asleep in her own seat there would have been much less disruption. I would have said something but I felt bad seeing as the gran wasn't the parent and I'm not very confrontational.

I understand toddlers can be hard work and the parents were probably exhausted but surely it shouldn't have been at other passengers expense? What would other people do in this situation?

Why are we letting children get away with this kind of behaviour?

Ok, so an upset or crying child needs compassion and understanding but kicking seats, playing peekaboo with other passengers and generally getting in other people's faces is not on. Children should be taught manners.

I'd politely ask the toddler to stop misbehaving, making sure I said pretty please too. having two under two I know this works every time and toddlers are easy to control and LISTEN to everything I say. I also know that as a parent on a plane with my toddler I'm going through hell and every emotion possible as I endure the torment of my uncontrollable child and judgemental people thinking I'm a bad mother because I couldn't control my child from screaming kicking throwing etc but as long as YOU have a good flight thats all that matters!

Yes I agree. Ask the cabin crew for help. It is not acceptable for you to put up with this kind of thoughtless behaviour.

YADNBU I never took mine on a plane until 4 & 5 that way they could behave well and didn't spoil the flight for others. I made that decision because when I was single I had a particularly awful brat/child behind me on a plane I could have throttled him parents and grandparents and was pretty close to it by the time we landed. Good job is was only short haul.
Little ones can be unpredictable and I didn't want to impose my children on others in a confined space wanting to relax

I think my worst experience with my ds was when he was at an age where they sit on your knee... The flight had been delayed by 9 hours and the man in front decided to recline his chair.... Which pretty much meant his head was in my toddlers Lap. Despite all the bribes, iPad, toys etc etc... He did not want to sit in silence- he did not kick the chair (probably had no room to!) but was singing twinkle twinkle, not loudly, with all the tune that only his parents could appreciate! In all honesty I had no sympathy for the man as who puts their seat back on a cramped plane knowing there is a toddler on somebody's knee?

We were on our way back from a family wedding so couldn't have avoided taking them on the plane unless we hadn't gone to the wedding

If I have paid for a flight, I don't expect it to be disrupted by thoughtless behaviour from the parents of toddlers. I never took my children on flights until they were old enough to sit fairly quietly for a couple of hours. If we wanted a holiday we drove or went on a ferry crossing. Sometimes flying is unavoidable and if your children are at the toddler stage then it is up to you to make sure that their behaviour minimises the disruption to other travellers. There are ways of doing this.

I have travelled countlessly with my children. My daughter was 10 weeks old and I had a 3 year old with me on my own. I always made sure I had enough food, several changes of clothes, nappies galore, drinks, books, games, colouring, little presents to open every hour and I always let them watch cartoons on board. Hence, yes we sometimes had screaming fits, but the time would soon pass quickly. The parent needs to distract them. If they fell asleep for part of the time I would take a nap. Needless to say when I got the other end, I would pass them to my mum and sleep myself.

Recently I flew with my 3 year old granddaughter and she slept 9 hours of a 12 hour flight.

It is essential the parents keep calm this helps the children as they pick up the parents vibes. Now I have 8 grandchildren ranging from 16 to 11 months. I take an active interest in them, help the parents when I can; BUT I can give them over at the end of the day and have my sleep.

It is about enjoying your family and learning to relax but be prepared for everything, then your flight goes fine.

It's very difficult. I remember one flight with our twin toddlers across the Atlanic and older children when neither of them were both asleep for any time at all all night and they were crying or shouting. Thankfully we put the older children in front so they were kicking their siblings not a stranger.

It depends on the child too. Some of ours were more peaceful than others - same family, similar genes and yet very different.

Kids should not be on long haul flights. I would have asked the gran to keep the kid in check or if she can't cope get the parents to sort it. If they did not stop kid kicking seat I would complain to cabin crew and ask if kid could be moved.

I think this is a matter of managing expectations! I fully expect boarding a long haul flight for it to be utter hell in all respects, toddlers or no toddlers, and am rarely wrong . on the other hand, I am generally fond of children and mostly find them amusing, and that's not just my own...

CBA to read the whole thread. So just adding my experiences as a mother who used to fly regularly with a baby, then a toddler and a baby. The toddler was actually special needs (as a now 15 year old, he has a diagnosis that includes autism but its way more complex than just autism)

He can appear to some just like a naughty child. I'd spend the whole flight talking to him, singing to him, apologising to ppl he tried to play with (peek-a-boo etc)

It's just one flight.... Was it really a big deal? Sure, it wasn't pleasant, but the flight is done now. Did anyone die? Is everyone still alive and uninjured? Ok, Good. So just a thing.

You don't know if the child is any kinds of special needs, sure, could easily just be a worn out parent who stopped parenting expecting the grandmother to step up, who then didn't. But is it really such an issue?

Flower girl. I think the issue is that the mum slept.

Ninalove13 if you're in someone's paid seat that won't stop them.
Read threads on here about not reserving seats.
If it were me i'd be sitting in my paid seat, toddler or no toddler.

flower the issue for me is that kicking the back of my seat would make my pain a hell of a lot worse it's not acceptable.

Just yesterday I had horrible experience on a rather short flight with my mildly autistic son, age 10. He is extremely sensitive to high-pitched noises, especially babies crying, toddlers chattering. Unfortunately, next to us a mum was sitting with her 3 y.old daughter and the Dad behind us, with the 4 or 5 year old one. I felt obliged to warn the parents that my son gets aggressive, when he is persistently exposed to those sounds. I then suggested that she moves her baby away from my child, but she answered " oh, it should be fine." And after that, instead of showing some understanding for my son's condition, the mother - with the younger child on her lap next to us - read a long story to her child, facing towards us in a rather loud, instructive voice for half of the flight. The next half, she spent with her two children on the seats behind us, while the father moved next to us. This was even worse, as the two girls started giggling, kicking both our seats and screaming with joy - all this after my warning and polite request for a bit of consideration. The Mum said nothing, she didn't even try to settle them down - after all, they were enjoying themselves and having a good time. I tried to calm down my -by now completely exhausted son in a rather obvious way. This had no effect on the parents. In the end, my son did get aggressive and yelled that those nasty girls were disturbing him during the whole flight, then he tried to hit one of them, but I stopped him. You might say, we should have moved seats, but my son is a bit rigid - he knew this is his seat and he wouldn't move.
I am trying very hard not to be judgmental but I still cannot help the feeling that all this was not only inconsiderate but also more or less done on purpose, just to annoy my child, who has to fight with great sensitivities, but nevertheless is judged with the same rules, as every other child. Just wanted to share our story and hear what you think.

So what if the mum slept? The child was being looked after by the grandma - it's irrelevant. If the grandma was sleeping and the mum was watching the child who was still kicking would it be ok ?

This thread has made me mad - you are all a set of judgey pants. Flower girl is right - get over it.

And YABU

Omasa. The child wasn't being looked after well enough by the grandma clearly. If your DC is being a PITA it's a bit much for you to sleep when nobody else can. Your DC your problem. And the reason we learned our lesson re flying with our DC early on. DS was a bloody nightmare so we stuck to the Uk till he could be reasoned with.

The grandmother was not doing a particularly good job of looking after the child if she wasn't stopping him from kicking the OP's seat, grabbing at her, smacking the seats etc etc, @Omasa.

As I said earlier in thenthread, I would judge any parent who let their child make the flight a misery for everyone around them and did nothing to stop them. I wouldn't expect a child to be quiet all the time, and no matter who is sitting behind you, it's likely that your seat may get bumped - but I damn well will judge a parent who lets their child kick the back of my seat and does nothing to stop them, or who makes no effort to parent their child during a flight.

YANBU. Selfish entitled parents who don't give a stuff about anyone else. It's not the toddler's fault. Long haul flights are hard for adults let alone the poor toddler!

But is it really such an issue?

flowergirl, that's not for you to decide for other people.

daniel, it's a bit rich for you to completely gloss over your abelism (saying people like me are "too fragile" to fly) and instead fish for something to counter-accuse me of. Being the parent of a fractious and difficult toddler is a temporary condition, and most special needs are not. I think twicke has it right on page 11.

If it's an issue fly first class.

I think it must be a nightmare for the children, not just the adults. Being confined to a seat and restricted space, being in an unfamiliar environment, surrounded by strangers, ears hurting and popping...no wonder some children prove hard to be compliant and a challenge...poor little sods!

I admire all parents that travel with young children, it's really stressful and exhausting. I have occasionally had my seat kicked by little darlings and it has driven me fucking mad, so when tired, nicotine deprived and feeling somewhat frayed around the edges, I have either moved for a while when possible but without causing a scene, gone for a walk around the plane, and on occasions have actually played with the child in question. If parents have fallen asleep, that just says to me how knackered they are.

Ah, yes, vixen - other people should be financially penalised, rather than parents make sensible decisions over their own offspring. That sounds fair.

If kicking is regular anticipate next kick and force yourself back in your seat, have tried this with older kids and it works, as it jars them.

Tbh I have had to endure more long haul flights with rude, ignorant adults who behave like spoiled brats than I have with children..and that includes kicking the backs of seats!!