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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

grand-parenting

136 replies

strawberrychunk · 29/03/2017 10:14

AIBU to be furious at my parents?
quick back story:
I have 7year old twins boys, my parents should pick up from school and keep for an hour or 2 around twice a weeks. My parents have no concept of healthy living and we regularly butt heads over them giving kids sweets, biscuits etc.
Back to now:
Now one twins' behaviour at school has become difficult to manage (fiddling/disturbing others/lack of focus etc)he is on report and school are talking about isolating or excluding him. I suspect ADHD, but dont want a diagnosis so am desperately looking ways to manage these 'symptoms'/ behaviours. I decided to try him on gluten/additive/preservative and colouring - free diet for a while to see if it helps as they are known causes. Told mum and Dad, asked them to not give sweets/biscuits etc just stick to natural ie fruit, veg whatever- I dont even think they need to give food as theyre only there for an hour or 2 max. Anyway, we all had a big discussion about it and agreed they would not give 'junk' anymore.
Fast-forward to today;
Just spoke to Dad on phone who said 'oh yes, forgot to tell you gave him Pizza last night' ...I asked why? to which he huffed and replied 'It's fine, it was pizza Hut'...so i explain AGAIN about gluten, additives etc then he says 'alright, alright!' in a stop being so silly tone and then rememberz 'Oh and a biscuit', I said but I thought we weren't doing that anymore, he says ' it's fine- they were Oreos' FFS!I would laugh if I weren't so pissed off by it! AIBU????

OP posts:

WobblyLegs5 · 30/03/2017 17:00

Orange, for children with adhd ritilin, or otger medication, is the thing that has peer reviewed evidenced based research behind it. Not only that but because brain development is use dependant medicating appropriately to help focus means the parts of the brain that deal with focus, organisation etc have a chance to develope more than if not medicated. If a child actually has adhd & you with hold medication if advised you are actually limiting their chance to develop these areas of their brain which also help them put coping mechanism in place long term. If your child doesn't have adhd op then it is crass and disabilitist to appropriate disability. I have asd& adhd, as do my twins (pda as well) & so do my other dc. & the children and adults I have worked with for decades. If a child has suspected diabetes or heart condition or suicidal ideation it would be neglectful to prevent access to the assessment process- every profession I have delt with considers that the same for adhd. And if they don't meet the criteria then the don't have adhd, & suggesting they do is why it gets so down played and dismissed in society. It's no different to saying someone is a bit ocd, when that is a real debilitating mental health problem. Adhd is a real debilitating nuerodevelomental disorder and yes if you are genuinely suspecting this and not starting the process then that's failing him. If you don't think he meets all the criteria then he simpley doesn't have adhd so stop co-opting a serious disability.

Muldjewangk · 30/03/2017 19:35

I am a grandmother and I resent people saying grandparents are there to feed their GC junk food. They don't, if they care for their GC's health.

YANBU. Many behavioural difficulties are caused by a vitamin deficiency. If children are eating junk food they are not being fed properly and are learning bad habits. I have seen one of my GC's behaviour change because she was fed food with preservatives. I was the one saying stop feeding GC with processed food.

I get very restless if I eat processed sugar or get low in magnesium. It's a horrible feeling. Imagine how children feel after being fed the preservatives and colourings in processed food.

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 30/03/2017 22:38

If children are eating junk food they are not being fed properly and are learning bad habits

Nonsense. Pizza isn't "junk food" anyway, but notwithstanding that, a perfectly healthy diet can and does contain things that may be considered "junk". And it doesn't mean anyone is learning bad habits. It's the overall diet that matters, not each individual food.

Much worse habits to learn are things like gluten is evil, or buying the sugar rush myth, or the idea that you can't enjoy nice things like pizza without someone telling you you shouldn't. They are all bad habits.

Some people suck the joy out of food.

Muldjewangk · 30/03/2017 23:35

Some people suck the joy out of food. And some people think it's their right to give children sweets and junk food when their mother asked them not to,nwhile she tries to work out what the problem is. They don't take them to the dentist and they don't care if the children become obese. There are lots of really great food that isn't filled with chemicals.

Sugar rush myth. I suppose DingDong you would prefer the OP to get her DS to the doctors ASAP so he can have some Ritalin. That will suck the joy out of his life, but he might stop fidgeting.

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 31/03/2017 00:03

Yes, because I know that sugar rush is a myth (well proven, many times) it automatically follows that I would like to give kids Ritalin.

Wait, no it doesn't, don't be so ridiculous.

Muldjewangk · 31/03/2017 00:09

No doubt a study put out by the sugar industry. 🙄

RogueBiscuit · 31/03/2017 03:31

I'm horrified by the suggestions that the grandparents no longer be allowed to spend time with the dc because they gave him some pizza. It's a bit of fucking dough with tomato, not rat poisen.

Op what was happening with his lunch at school while you were hysterical over a bit of dough? You've said very little about disciplining him. Naughty children are often just that.

BathshebaDarkstone · 31/03/2017 06:30

I'm not saying that all GPs feed their GCs junk, but some do, or just don't follow the parents' wishes. DS1 has cystic fibrosis. When we were on holiday at DM's when he was little, she called everything I fed him junk. It was keeping him alive, all home cooked and all ideas from the CF Trust booklet. If she'd have been in charge of feeding him, he'd have starved to death.

WobblyLegs5 · 02/04/2017 18:23

Ritilin doesn't suck the life out of life it saves it for those of us who actually live with this disability, or a different yet optimal medication. What a fucking stupid and disabilist statement to make

Muldjewangk · 03/04/2017 00:09

Read the inset, it does damage some children. It's worth bearing in mind what the possible side effects are, without abusing someone, Wobblylegs. Ritalin side effects.

ChocolateSherberts2017 · 03/04/2017 01:50

Having a diagnosis for ADHD will help your dc access support & interventions particularly when they are in formal education. I worked in HE and came across many students who were given extra time for exams & assessments. Don't discount getting a diagnosis completely.

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