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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

grand-parenting

136 replies

strawberrychunk · 29/03/2017 10:14

AIBU to be furious at my parents?
quick back story:
I have 7year old twins boys, my parents should pick up from school and keep for an hour or 2 around twice a weeks. My parents have no concept of healthy living and we regularly butt heads over them giving kids sweets, biscuits etc.
Back to now:
Now one twins' behaviour at school has become difficult to manage (fiddling/disturbing others/lack of focus etc)he is on report and school are talking about isolating or excluding him. I suspect ADHD, but dont want a diagnosis so am desperately looking ways to manage these 'symptoms'/ behaviours. I decided to try him on gluten/additive/preservative and colouring - free diet for a while to see if it helps as they are known causes. Told mum and Dad, asked them to not give sweets/biscuits etc just stick to natural ie fruit, veg whatever- I dont even think they need to give food as theyre only there for an hour or 2 max. Anyway, we all had a big discussion about it and agreed they would not give 'junk' anymore.
Fast-forward to today;
Just spoke to Dad on phone who said 'oh yes, forgot to tell you gave him Pizza last night' ...I asked why? to which he huffed and replied 'It's fine, it was pizza Hut'...so i explain AGAIN about gluten, additives etc then he says 'alright, alright!' in a stop being so silly tone and then rememberz 'Oh and a biscuit', I said but I thought we weren't doing that anymore, he says ' it's fine- they were Oreos' FFS!I would laugh if I weren't so pissed off by it! AIBU????

OP posts:

WorkAccount · 29/03/2017 11:14

someone suggested taking a packed snacks box, they just return them unopended, well my MIL does

llangennith · 29/03/2017 11:16

Most kids are hungry after school and it's the only time my DGS will devour a whole apple. Then it's a cooked meal at 5pm and he's more than ready for it by then
My DS, now 41, was a 'hyperactive' toddler and a clinician friend told me about (then new) research into the effect of E numbers on children's behaviour. The worst one was orange colouring or flavouring. We cut out orange squash and all sweets and the change was immediate.
As an adult he has to avoid caffeine.

xStefx · 29/03/2017 11:29

A snack box may be worth a try,
fill it with things your happy for DC to have and give it to your parents.
They may get the hint, they may not but it could be worth a try

Yorkshiremum17 · 29/03/2017 11:37

Has anyone suggested dyspraxia to you? All the fiddling, fidgeting, lack of attention etc sounds very like my son who has dyspraxia. Fiddle toys do help. Have a look into it and if you feel it might apply to your boy you will need to get a referral from your gp to occupational therapy. Go prepared with your reasons why you think it may be applicable. When our son was diagnosed they gave him exercises to do which have helped enormously.

My other thought , is your son being challenged enough at school? If this behaviour is only just manifesting itself, could the reason be a change at school such as bullying, mediocre teaching where he is just not being challenged so is getting up to mischief instead. It's unlikely to be food intolerances if it's only just started, more likely to be something that is happening at school or home. Is he like it at home too or is it only school that are complaining? If you've got a new baby, could it be a kick back against that?

Funnyfarmer · 29/03/2017 11:39

My mil used to do this all the time. She used to look after dd while I was In work. She used to stuff her with that much crap she wouldn't eat her tea. I'd always send her round a packed lunch and snacks but they would remain untouched. I asked her time and time again and time and time again she agreed. I never asked her to look after dd. She asked me! Begged even. So I eventually put her in a day care and said she could see her in the evening after tea. But because she was on the list of people who was aloud to collect her. She just uses to go and collect her and fill her full of crap. And then tell dd. "You don't have to go day care if you don't want to". I'll look after you."
"Tell your mum you don't want to go".
Then she would kick off about going and sob when I left her which used to break my heart. How do you explain to 4 year old that they can't stay with fun grandma because she slowly poisoning her?

Yorkshiremum17 · 29/03/2017 11:42

Meant to add that school should be looking to help and manage the behaviour. I'm shocked that they're talking exclusion at his age. Get the SENCO involved and see if they can suggest anything. Exclusion should be an absolute last resort after everything else has been tried. Do not be frightened to challenge the school or ask them for help / suggestions on how to deal with him.

Scaredycat3000 · 29/03/2017 11:43

They may get the hint Because if a long conversation explaining what where and why doesn't work a gentle hint is sure to make them take notice.

Original poster

strawberrychunk · 29/03/2017 11:51

thanks @Yorkshiremum17 that's really useful- I will look into that!

OP posts:

CaseyAtTheBat · 29/03/2017 11:55

Pizza doesn't cause your kid to fidget in class, ffs. If you don't want a diagnoses fine (there likely isn't a need for one anyway) but do at least stop reading Dr Google and get some real information.

Original poster

strawberrychunk · 29/03/2017 12:01

I didn't say it did @CaseyAtTheBat and I don't do 'Dr Google', if you dont believe additives and preservatives can affect behaviour that's great.....if you don't have useful advice and just want to spit at people that's great too.....

OP posts:

CaseyAtTheBat · 29/03/2017 12:04

You think gluten causes ADHD. Step away from the internet!

It's not a matter of belief, its a matter of proof. And logic. Try it some time.

Original poster

strawberrychunk · 29/03/2017 12:19

@CaseyAtTheBat I think you should read the whole thread as you clearly haven't understood something, also the 'network of mums' rationale has clearly missed you too. Maybe you should stick to throwing stones at old people and not comment on here instead. thanks anyway.

OP posts:

CaseyAtTheBat · 29/03/2017 12:22

I think I'll comment where I like, thanks all the same, and you asked whether you were being unreasonable. The answer is yes, you are. Apologise to your poor parents for lecturing them with fake facts, and don't put your kid on silly and possibly dangerous diets for no good reason.

strawberrychunk · 29/03/2017 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Blossomflowers · 29/03/2017 12:24

OP you sounds totally precious. You should be bloody grateful you have kind supportive parents.

CaseyAtTheBat · 29/03/2017 12:25

Just because you don't like peoples answers, you can;t chase them away with being very rude to them.
YABVU on your OP, and you're being even more unreasonable now.

Scaredycat3000 · 29/03/2017 12:36

Casey What are you on about, you sound unhinged. And if you think the OP's parents behaviour is supportive then expect to spend your old age wondering why your DC and GC never visit. Wow, just wow.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 29/03/2017 12:37

When did the behaviour start?

CaseyAtTheBat · 29/03/2017 12:42

I'm not the unhinged one here

Original poster

strawberrychunk · 29/03/2017 12:43

I have no problem at all with people's different opinions , in fact I embrace them- this is how we learn. But I will not be insulted and patronised. I am a parent asking other parents for their views, if you have nothing productive to say please leave. I wonder how people justify being abusive on here when I guarantee they wouldn't speak to a fellow human being like that in person! ridiculous! anyway....this has all started recently (aged 7) he has always been a fidget bum but it has become disruptive recently.

OP posts:

CaseyAtTheBat · 29/03/2017 12:43

And the GC will certainly visit, when the GP's are giving them pizza while their parent has them on a restricted diet for absolutely no good reason!

Doyouwantabrew · 29/03/2017 12:45

casey really you are being so mean here there's no need. Would you talk to someone asking for help like that in RL?

FunnyFarmer that's awful your mil sounds really manipulative and nasty

Doyouwantabrew · 29/03/2017 12:48

Just a thought op going by my experience some teachers just do not get some kids.

My oldest dc was labelled disruptive by one teacher and had a terrible year. The next teacher called him a bright spark and helped channel his energy and enthusiasm into helpful tasks in class and he thrived.

Original poster

strawberrychunk · 29/03/2017 12:51

@doyouwantabrew that was my initial thought- and this teacher is really matriarchal! (reminds me of Mrs Trunch... from matilda) she clearly doesn't like him- she says he's a hummer and she doesn't like hummers....you have a really good point I hadn't looked at that before!

OP posts:

Doyouwantabrew · 29/03/2017 12:59

Wouldn't surprise me you know. Teachers usually either loved or actively disliked my oldest kid. It could be she can't be arsed to understand each kid and work with them to get the best outcome. And before I am flamed not letting them run riot but understanding what makes each kid tick.

When I was a TA the really good teachers did this and never had the discipline problems other ones did.

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