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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to start a thread about trans panic because there have only been seventy six already

417 replies

GustyParson · 28/03/2017 17:22

Trans people want to steal your rights! And stroke your cat. They want to colonise your child's reading books, infiltrate your favourite prisons, appropriate the gold medals you would otherwise win for your peerless skills on the pummel horse, take the best seats on the Tube, demand that midwives talk exclusively about pregnant fathers, haunt your preferred changing rooms, run rampant through the Brownie Guides, go unchallenged in every echelon of the WI, burn all your favourite pronouns in an industrial furnace, benefit from all your oppression, demand your pet dog be addressed as Mx, frolic carelessly across the flower bed you've only just planted for God's sake, insist that there are more than two genders, require to be recognised as the gender 'combine harvester' one day and the gender 'quail' the next, piss on the toilet you wanted to reserve for your friends, and call you Cis which is like totally cruel because it sounds like sissy.

Alternatively, trans people are people, they are not trying to hurt you, most of you have never met one, none of you need to feel threatened by them, and there really isn't a need to start fifteen threads a week fretting that they're going to steal your last Bourbon Cream, appropriate or destroy feminism, or change your baby's name from Thomas to Pixie. Seriously, calm down.

OP posts:
brickinitIam · 29/03/2017 15:32

Okay, so I'm not the only one to wonder why middle aged blokes want young girls' names.

Now to the second part of my question:
Why is it nearly always the huge, gnarly, very tall men that want to become women.
Why do you see very few little/short men wanting to become women.
Can someone answer that for me?

What's the reasoning behind that?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 29/03/2017 15:35

What is the point of such an inflammatory and unpleasant post

Might go some way to balancing out the many inflammatory and unpleasant anti trans posts?

yes I agree, I have been sometimes quite dismayed to read some of the more hateful posts and I am pleased that I am not the only one to be taken aback

Datun · 29/03/2017 15:38

There is a statistical likelihood that men with AGP will mask and attempt to clamp down on the fetish by deliberately choosing traditionally macho occupations, e.g. the military.

DJBaggySmalls · 29/03/2017 15:39

Another day, another time I have to post

self identitfication allows male predators access to women only spaces including DV shelters, Rape Crisis counselling and hospitals.

Fight for unisex spaces and we'll support you.

venusinscorpio · 29/03/2017 16:00

LOL at this not at all goady thread. Is this your idea of constructive discourse OP?

OP......?

BenLinusatemyhomework · 29/03/2017 16:29

On the "big burly bloke" phenomenon... I speculate that it has a lot to do with toxic masculinity and the male gaze.

Toxic masculinity is corrosive to all men, even those that easily fit into the stereotypes (maybe even especially for those males) and I can see how cross dressing may be an escape from the burden of "keeping up appearances".

Not quite the same thing, but I had a gay friend who would probably be considered gender fluid now a days but 15 years ago, he just occasionally cross dressed and wore make up in his everyday life. He wasn't super macho but he wasn't all that effeminate either and could "pass" as Hetero (at least when in the company of other hetero's). When we chatted about his cross dressing he said that it was just that some days he couldnt bring himself to do the "bloke thing", he found it exhausting. When he dressed in women's clothes (and he wasn't the boob tube, stripper heels types - usually it was jeans and a blouse and a little bit of make up - he wasn't trying to pass), he felt more relaxed and able to be "himself". We worked in the arts, so nobody really batted an eye but he never said that he felt he was female, only that presenting as female felt good and was comforting. For him it was allowing a gentler side of himself to be dominant.

Now I don't think that men should need to dress as women to be able to feel that relief, I would rather that the structures that enslaved men were dismantled but I can see why "tough guys" maybe drawn to it.

There is also a huge sexual element that is to do with the male gaze. I can't remember if it was on this thread but somebody posted a very good blog about how men see women (and why that might lead them to want to be the center of attention rather than the attention giver).

bellasuewow · 29/03/2017 17:24

This is a sexist equivalent of saying 'calm down dear' 0 out of 10 from me op

Stormtreader · 29/03/2017 17:32

Why is it nearly always the huge, gnarly, very tall men that want to become women.
Why do you see very few little/short men wanting to become women.
Can someone answer that for me?

Because theyre more obvious as trans and make a better example to be pointed at? There are plenty of smaller transwomen who just look like women.

stinkingbishop · 29/03/2017 19:24

Thanks for the lovely supportive comments, genuinely appreciated. My daughter is not a child/teenager as some assumed - she's early twenties. Which means I have very little say (not that I really would want to anyway). I and she are both obviously very aware of the permanence of all this. But her decision has been professionally challenged for 2 years by 4 separate psychiatric panels, who also set her some (rather risky I thought) tasks like presenting as female for 12 months despite still having very noticeable stubble. We did go as far as traipsing to the fertility clinic to freeze sperm but she just found it too painful in the end. At the beginning I was very 50:50. Increasingly I am convinced she is actually right. Despite all the challenges she has never seemed more comfortable in her own skin.

HOWEVER I do have an issue with the activists too. She has started speaking an alien language, which is the language of the TA chat rooms (not dissimilar to some of the pro anorexia ones). There is a fine line between evangelical (e.g. I would wholeheartedly support her standing up and giving speeches about tolerance and the freedom of accepting who you are etc) and militantism. On the other hand I do understand that, as a persecuted group, you have to become more in-groupy/tribal, and go to extremes to be heard and to feel secure in terms of group identity. It would be good to debate that. Rather than this whole toilet business (have I somehow missed a rash of cross dressing rapist in toilet headlines???)

Just as a minor point, she is not burly/50/called Tiffany. She's early 20s, slight, and has chosen a name much loved on these boards actually Smile. As a pp said, I think it's because the 'freaks' make the headlines.

Anyhows, will bow out and go to the relevant board, thank you for suggesting. Memo to self - must work on AIBU habit!!

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 29/03/2017 19:28

Hope everything goes well for you both stinkingbishop

One of our favourite cheeses

Thanks
RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 29/03/2017 19:29

Oh god that sounds weird

That sounds like i am speaking for the whole of mumsnet

Just to clarify i do not know what the favourite cheese of mumsnet is

stinkingbishop · 29/03/2017 19:33

I think it might be up there though rufus...it's the oooooze. Just yum. It's the only thing I dislike about my splendid trans daughter. She bloody hates cheese!!!!!!

neverthetwainshallmeet · 29/03/2017 19:44
Shock

Even a deliciously oozy French brie with a nice red wine to go with it stinkingbishop?

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 29/03/2017 19:51

Oh !!! Shock

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 29/03/2017 19:52

I am having brie in a risotto for my tea

stinkingbishop · 29/03/2017 21:30

I think we may have discovered the secret of how to kill a shouty thread Smile

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 29/03/2017 21:55

Yep

Just discuss cheese

My tea was nice by the by

stinkingbishop · 29/03/2017 21:55

Excellent news Smile

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 29/03/2017 22:05

Right

Now we have completely killed the thread,

Have a good nights sleep Grin

Megatherium · 29/03/2017 22:10

Why eliminate womens right to question a man under threat of criminal proceedings?

Women never have had that right as such unless they are police officers. Sure, anyone can ask questions, but no-one has any duty to answer. There are no laws and no proposals for laws that will erode that right in any way - and before anyone points to the current Private Members' Bill, in the unlikely event that that ever gets passed it won't have that effect.

QuentinSummers · 29/03/2017 22:20

rufus has a good talent for non seqiturs to defuse tense threads.
I want a baked camembert now

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 29/03/2017 22:22

Thank you quentin

I get easily distracted

ExitPursuedByUser54321 · 29/03/2017 23:39

Can I have the recipe for Brie in risotto please.

hibbledobble · 29/03/2017 23:55

Flowers op.

I couldn't have said it better. I don't get thr hysteria.

venusinscorpio · 30/03/2017 00:09

Think you missed the bus dear.