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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or can i tell neighbours where to shove their gates?

341 replies

cheekybean · 28/03/2017 03:57

We moved to our house 6 years ago. We have a shared drive with our neighbours which has never really been a problem. However, 6 months ago, neighbours asked us if we wanted electric gates on drive. We said no, we didnt see the point. Security is not an issue, i am in all the time, they work away during the week, so opening and shutting gates is not really an issue. They said it was for them.

They asked us again, we said no because we could really afford it. They said they would pay and we could owe them. We said no because that didnt sit well and we dont want gates.

Got up saturday morning and a pair of 6 foot security gates were being fitted. We knew nothing about it. Given a bill for £600 and told dh is to wire them up. Plus we have to power them from our house

AIBU? Surely if we have said no, that should be the end of the matter! They are not here all week. Its only because they can't be bothered to open and shut the gates manually.

The gates are bloody ugly, TBH our drives looks like the entrance to a scrap yard. I dread coming home and having to look at them. DH is stressed becaused we have yet to confront neighbours as they arranged installation whilst on holiday.

WWYD. I dont want to fall out with neighbours and end up on channel 5. Husband dosent want to fall out as they are our friends apparently. But friends dont spend your hundreds of pounds and dont tell you what on. Feeling v. Pissed off due to being walked all over and DH's kind nature being taken for granted.

OP posts:
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Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 28/03/2017 09:59

Hopefully the neighbours don't have any overnight guests they need a spare room for or they will be sending them in through your back door and you will allow it i think!!

mummymeister · 28/03/2017 10:10

OP I have given you the best possible advice that I can based on my years of experience dealing with neighbour nuisance.

you need to stop stressing about your neighbours reaction, and falling out with them, and the cost of the gates, or your DH doing the wiring and just go and take the bleddy things down.

they have already been up since Saturday.

as for the planning permission only you as the land owner can be responsible for this.

seriously, these gates kill people when they get trapped and this could be your child couldnt it.

dont wait years for this to happen and then regret it. get them down now.

and please, really dont wait for your neighbours to return. when they swing into your road and see them still up all they will be thinking is, job done, we have won.

they will then bamboozle you by saying, well they have been up XX weeks and you havent complained.

SapphireStrange · 28/03/2017 10:10

Of course you don't pay. Of course you don't wire them up. Of course you don't power them from your source at your expense.

Tell your DH to man the fuck up.

Post their bill through their letter box with a letter reiterating that you did not give permission, do not want the gates and will not pay.

Stop wasting your time contacting the planning people. It's not your problem.

But anyway, why do you need to be told any of this???

ShiroiKoibito · 28/03/2017 10:15

where is the information about the "dad" and the "lanterns"?

i cant see them on any of the OPs posts?

(reporting my own post to MN as i seem to be missing posts)

Jaxhog · 28/03/2017 10:17

If this is your land, then they are trespassing by building gates on it I think? Get legal advice ASAP.

But you owe them no money, and you must not connect anything up.

It's a brass nerve to do this to you. And demanding that you pay for the electricity to run the gates has me speechless!

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 28/03/2017 10:18

Look I can totally understand the need for gates for some people- firstly for security and secondly, because BMW, VW and Audi cars seem to be getting stolen during the night nearly on a daily basis around here. But if you are that bothered you foot the bill yourself just like you would if your driveway wasn't shared. To demand half the money from you when you didn't require them or get a say in the style/shape etc is out of order.

metalmum15 · 28/03/2017 10:21

Good God, DH sounds a bit of a wuss. Mine would have been out there first thing ripping them down. Don't be a pair of doormats. If you don't want them and haven't agreed to them get them taken down immediately. Neighbours are probably banking on getting away with it because they know they can walk all over you both, give them a shock and don't take it lying down.
Not sure what having children has got to do with the neighbourly relationship either?

Maybe if they realise they're not going to get their own way and you're finally standing up to them they might decide to sell up and find somewhere else with electric gates already installed 😉

metalmum15 · 28/03/2017 10:21

Good God, DH sounds a bit of a wuss. Mine would have been out there first thing ripping them down. Don't be a pair of doormats. If you don't want them and haven't agreed to them get them taken down immediately. Neighbours are probably banking on getting away with it because they know they can walk all over you both, give them a shock and don't take it lying down.
Not sure what having children has got to do with the neighbourly relationship either?

Maybe if they realise they're not going to get their own way and you're finally standing up to them they might decide to sell up and find somewhere else with electric gates already installed 😉

Serialweightwatcher · 28/03/2017 10:21

You obviously don't want the gates as you said 'no' and you don't want to be paying the £600, so saying they are your friends and you can't go into an argument over anything means you will have to have the gates or pay the money or there is going to be an argument ... therefore not quite sure what you think anyone should advise, if you 'can't' do anything about it

Seeline · 28/03/2017 10:22

Planning permission is relevant because it is highly likely that the gates require planning permission. As they have already been erected they are at the moment unauthorised, and it is possible the Council will serve an Enforcement Notice to get the gates removed. As the gates are on the OPs land, she will be the recipient of said Enforcement Notice and liable to comply wit the Notice, or be prosecuted for non-compliance which can amount to big fines/legal costs etc.
I agree she shouldn't go down the route of applying for PP if she doesn't want them, but she needs to be aware of the consequences of leaving the gates there. "I didn't put them up" is not a valid defence.

nocake · 28/03/2017 10:25

Electric gates have to be installed in compliance with the Machinery Directive, which is a bit of legislation that ensures they are safe. If they aren't then you're liable for any injuries of deaths caused by them. That could cost you £ thousands or even worse, the gates could kill someone. That isn't an outlandish comment. It happens.

I can't see why you don't just insist they are removed.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 28/03/2017 10:26

OP - Don't bother with planning - it's your land, if you didn't apply for planning, then you know it's not got planning permission - you can't apply for planning permission for someone else's drive!!!

Call the people who put them in, tell them they've made a mistake, you own the drive and didn't arrange this, they need to remove them and speak to the people who booked it as you didn't.

Then you e-mail/write to your neighbours - something along the lines of "Dear [fuckwits], I understand you arranged for X company to install gates onto our drive. I have attached a copy of the deeds, while you have a right of access over the drive, it actually belongs to us at [your house number]. We do not want gates on our drive. I have requested they are removed by the installation company and have refered them back to you to sort out this confusion. We will not be paying any installation or removal costs for a gate we do not want, have not requested but is on our land. You have no right to put a gate on someone else's property, and even if we wanted the gate, at that location it would need planning permission, which obviously we have not applied for as we do not want a gate on our land. Regards, Cheekybean."

Hopefully that'll be the end of it.

honeyroar · 28/03/2017 10:27

Tell them the deeds say you own the drive, they just have access, so you will not allow the gates. Tell them if they want to keep the gates they can fence the area they park in and own, and put the gates there.

Smurfpoo · 28/03/2017 10:29

invisiblekitty thats not true, you can apply for planning regardless of ownership. Someone keeps trying on my house but they don't own it!!!!

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 28/03/2017 10:29

Kitten I think the fil fitted the gates. .

Seeline · 28/03/2017 10:32

you can't apply for planning permission for someone else's drive!!!

Actually you can as long as the correct notices are served (which obviously hasn't been done in this case).
Planning permission however does not override the landowner's prerogative to refuse consent for anything being done on their land.

randomer · 28/03/2017 10:32

easy to say your husband is a wuss/tell them to fuck off.....not terribly constructive.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 28/03/2017 10:33

ah! then amend to just point out you own the land, do not want the gates and expect them removed. (Unless you can get them down yourself and dump on their land).

Point out to your DH that he shouldn't be the one trying to keep the peace, they should be trying very hard to make up for fucking up royally, make sure you tell them in writing you do'nt want the gates, never gave permission and while they have access over the land, they don't own it.

Rachel0Greep · 28/03/2017 10:35

Daily Fail will be frothing at the mouth to get this thread, OP.

NightWanderer · 28/03/2017 10:38

It's very easy for a bunch of people over the internet to tell you what to do, not so easy to actually do it.

The problem is, you only have 2 alternatives. Put up with the gates or confront the neighbours. I understand why you don't want to confront the neighbours but it's just one of those things that you have to do. You can be polite about it but you need to be very firm. They have absolutely set you up by doing this while they're on holiday. They aren't good people and don't give a damn about your feelings.

SnugglyBedSocks · 28/03/2017 10:38

Bet the gates stay....

user1486562272 · 28/03/2017 10:39

If you can't afford it then don't pay.

You said no enough times, no-one should have to pay for something they don't want, just because a neighbour ordered it.

GladAllOver · 28/03/2017 10:39

I don't think a long letter is needed, and always gives the recipient the chance to pick it apart.

All it needs to say is "I do not want your gates on my property. Please remove them immediately."

Olympiathequeen · 28/03/2017 10:41

Hand them back the bill. You are u der no obligation to pay it. They signed the contract with the gate suppliers. It's their bill. Under no circumstance wire it up to your power supply. Tell them they can't close them because they are denying entry to your property which under the terms of the shared drive they are not allowed to do. If they choose to close the gates if you are away in Holiday they must give you immediate access on your return.

You can see a solicitor sometimes for half an hour for free to clarify your position. I can see a big falling out over this, but tough, they have been very unreasonable

CotswoldStrife · 28/03/2017 10:42

Is this for real? All that is needed is to refuse permission and remove the gates - not sure why the OP is upping the drama content herself by contacting planning departments, etc, rather than just sorting the situation out!