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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or can i tell neighbours where to shove their gates?

341 replies

cheekybean · 28/03/2017 03:57

We moved to our house 6 years ago. We have a shared drive with our neighbours which has never really been a problem. However, 6 months ago, neighbours asked us if we wanted electric gates on drive. We said no, we didnt see the point. Security is not an issue, i am in all the time, they work away during the week, so opening and shutting gates is not really an issue. They said it was for them.

They asked us again, we said no because we could really afford it. They said they would pay and we could owe them. We said no because that didnt sit well and we dont want gates.

Got up saturday morning and a pair of 6 foot security gates were being fitted. We knew nothing about it. Given a bill for £600 and told dh is to wire them up. Plus we have to power them from our house

AIBU? Surely if we have said no, that should be the end of the matter! They are not here all week. Its only because they can't be bothered to open and shut the gates manually.

The gates are bloody ugly, TBH our drives looks like the entrance to a scrap yard. I dread coming home and having to look at them. DH is stressed becaused we have yet to confront neighbours as they arranged installation whilst on holiday.

WWYD. I dont want to fall out with neighbours and end up on channel 5. Husband dosent want to fall out as they are our friends apparently. But friends dont spend your hundreds of pounds and dont tell you what on. Feeling v. Pissed off due to being walked all over and DH's kind nature being taken for granted.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Batteriesallgone · 29/03/2017 17:43

I hope OP comes back but I think she's been scared off

northernshepherdess · 29/03/2017 17:46

Don't wire them to your property! That would be a kind of acceptance (just reading through further comments

Galdos · 29/03/2017 17:49

Writing as a former property lawyer ... let me assure all the doubters that very many folk are barking mad and that neighbour disputes bring out the worst in people. There are many cases of people doing bewildering things over shared rights or property, and in the worst cases one or other party (sometimes both) are bankrupted by the cost of the dispute.

Not much help to OP, but personally I would never ever buy a house with a shared driveway, as these seem to be the most argued over shared rights. Legal action may be inevitable to get the gates removed, assuming the title deeds and easement rights point that way. Remember however that disputes over property MUST be disclosed to future buyers; and the mortgagees may have a say in what happens too. Legal advice is essential if the situation can't be resolved amicably.

NewPapaGuinea · 29/03/2017 17:53

Where do you live? I'll come and take great pleasure in tearing down the gates on your behalf! The injustice of stuff like this enrages me.

BlueFolly · 29/03/2017 18:06

Oh dear god how awful, I feel for you OP!

ahhhhhwoof · 29/03/2017 18:06

This thread is really confusing. I agree with others that by posting on here you surely anticipated the UTTER OUTRAGE that would ensue? These 'friends'/neighbours of yours are clearly deranged. This is unacceptable and if you fail to see that then perhaps it's best that you ignore the rest of this thread. Call be bloody police ffs.

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 29/03/2017 18:06

I totally echo what galdos says having seen similar neighbour disputes happen with three(!) neighbours, one of whom was indeed bankrupted and pretty certain the scenario there contributed to the husbands early death, I promise I am not exaggerating. We also have had new neighbours try it on (live semi rurally, some properties registered in the 1940s when measurements may not have been as accurate as today etc) but I'm totally on this stuff and stamped on it immediately and it was resolved fairly painlessly for me (am now advising near neighbour who is having problems). So yes, this kind of stuff goes on, I have no idea why, people are bonkers. But, more importantly WHERE IS THE OP!!!???

catsaresomucheasier2 · 29/03/2017 18:09

NO!!!!!!! You said no on more than one occasion, it's up to them to foot the bill not you! Cheeky tw@ts. Tell them they pay it themselves or you'll get a solicitor and get them taken down!

valeview · 29/03/2017 18:11

You don't have to fall out with them.... if they choose to fall out with YOU, that's their problem..... look, have they given a damn about you? have they respected your property/wishes/money? No.... they're not friends. They have decided you and hubby are not worth even considering, so stop pussy footing around. By saying nothing, you are reinforcing their opinion that they are somehow able to push you around. If they have installed these gates, without your permission, expecting you to finance the installation and running costs, they are acting illegally. Go see the solicitor who did the conveyance when you bought the place, or your local council (local councillors who are worth their salt are also excellent friends in a position like this). You are in the right, and actually your neighbours know that already, but would rather die than admit it. You can afford to act with dignity and composure They have overstepped the mark, and they probably thought you would just let them. This could just be the start of things, they could have other plans. You are in the right... don't get drawn into a slanging match, just keep cool, KNOW you are right, and stand up to them.

viques · 29/03/2017 18:19

What you need op is a very large boulder, and a friend with a bulldozer. When the gates are open you position the very large boulder in front of 'your'gate using the bulldozer .Thus your neighbours will have an electric gate (on their side) that opens and closes and you will have access to your property.

Happy days.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 29/03/2017 18:21

Ive got in touch with planning, they wont tell me if i need planning permission unless i pay £53 do i need planning fee! Is everyone out to extort money from me?*

You need to get in touch with planning enforcement and tell them your neighbour has done this and you aren't happy with it. Dh works in enforcement and deals with things like this all the time

Tonttu · 29/03/2017 18:29

@cheekybean don't be too worried about neighbors reaction - they are likely to know they are in the wrong and whilst you perhaps won't be best pals afterwards you can still live as neighbours.

So remove the gates and place onto their land and write a firm but polite letter.

For letter I would include something like this:
--
Dear so and so,

I understand that you have ordered gates to be installed onto the driveway on your own accord.
You had mentioned to me that you would like electric gates to which I have clearly stated
that we do not want such gates. (dates and times would be good if you have them)

It remains the case that unfortunately on this occasion our needs differ.

As the driveway and fences belong to our property XYZ (your property reference and copy of deeds as suggested by others), you have no right to build onto our land, neither have we given you consent to do so. We have therefore removed / asked the installation company to remove the gates and placed them onto your property.

You need to make good any damage to current gateposts etc. Please do so within 14 days of this letter.

I hope that this incident does not damage our good relationships as neighbours.

Regrettably we are unable to help you with your desire to have electric gates.

Kind regards,

---

I am not a solicitor, this is just the style of letter I have had to write of a gardening matter to our neighbours and we don't chat much but we live in peace next to each other, and when we need to, we can still discuss matters. Of course a bit awkward for a little while but with time that goes away, life moves on.

Also a letter should be such that it can be followed on by a solicitor's note if they don't make good. And I would also take a video of you putting the letter through their letter box or handing over as a proof of delivery... not that I am paranoid but well prepared is better than not.

And others are right, this has to be dealt with promptly.

beckyh47 · 29/03/2017 18:29

What a nightmare for you and what a flippin' cheek of the neighbours. Definitely get in touch with the planning department at your local Council. Do it in writing or via their website on email. Anything - wall, fence or gate that adjoins a public highway used for vehicles and is over 1m high usually needs planning permission. If they've done this without they may have to retrospectively apply for it but as it's a shared driveway your objections to the planning being approved should be enough to see the application rejected.

Madwoman5 · 29/03/2017 18:38

No one who is a friend would do something like this. Stop thinking about losing a friend as they clearly do not feel the same. Simply return the bill with a note saying
Dear x, please find enclosed the bill for the gate that you ordered and installed on our land without our permission or consent. Please remove the electric gates by dd/mm/yyyy and re install our original gate. If you do not carry out these remedial works within this timescale, I am afraid we will have no choice but to engage the services of a contractor to carry out the work and recover the cost from yourselves.
Should you require a copy of the deeds to confirm land ownership, let us know.
We are most disappointed that despite making our position clear on both occasions, that we do not want, require or wish to change our existing gate, you went ahead and did it anyway. It is now your responsibility to remedy the situation, forthwith. No responsibility will be accepted for any loss, damage or injury caused by these gates in the meantime or during removal. Yours sincerely

azAdebiann · 29/03/2017 18:40

put the gates on ebay buyer to dismantal 😑

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 29/03/2017 18:50

Errrr, hell no!!
I wouldn't pay and I wouldn't allow them to be powered from my house either. I would threaten them with court and ask them for compensation for thif distress and disruption is has caused you

RainbowJack · 29/03/2017 18:56

That's some fucking gall.

MeNeedSleep · 29/03/2017 19:10

Op?

azAdebiann · 29/03/2017 19:11

sell the gates on ebay 😑 quick sale ( before holiday return) buyer to dismantle ....#wotgates🤔

starfish2020 · 29/03/2017 19:37

Wonder is op is gonna update?

pollymere · 29/03/2017 20:00

A solicitors letter is a lot less than the £600. They need to remove the gates at their own expense. Ignore the bill and requests. Write explaining that you need them to do this mentioning that you will have no choice but to contact your solicitor if they do not do it within 28 days. Then contact one if needs be.

gemma19846 · 29/03/2017 20:10

Either take down your side and tell them to fuck off or if you are so concerned about falling out with them that you dont want to say anything then suck it up and get your bank card out

WetPaint4 · 29/03/2017 20:12

The gates went up on Saturday and OP was still hand wringing come Tuesday? I'll be surprised if those gates come down at all. OP and her husband shouldn't touch them at all but they should have already registered their concerns formally and found a professional who will remove the gates when the neighbours come home.

KeepYourPowderDry · 29/03/2017 20:17

Please check your deeds. Is it really a shared ownership driveway or, more likely, does one house own the drive and the other have a right of way over it to get to their house. If it's 'your' drive they must remove them or it's a trespass. If it's 'their' drive and you have a right of way then there may be an argument it's a free and uninterrupted ROW (it will probably say that in the wording in the deeds) and in that case you could argue these gates are interrupting it whilst they are closed. But I would check your deeds first and just raise it as a query with whoever did your conveyancing - they probably won't even charge you for answering that question. If you don't have a copy of your deeds to hand go on the land registry online and buy a copy for about £5 plus the filed plan which will be a picture showing your land outlined in red. Ugh neighbour disputes are awful so know where you stand - if they're on holiday you've got time to check before they are back

KeepYourPowderDry · 29/03/2017 20:19

And obviously they can't impose on you that they must be powered by your electricity! Get the deeds, be sure of your legal position

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