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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or can i tell neighbours where to shove their gates?

341 replies

cheekybean · 28/03/2017 03:57

We moved to our house 6 years ago. We have a shared drive with our neighbours which has never really been a problem. However, 6 months ago, neighbours asked us if we wanted electric gates on drive. We said no, we didnt see the point. Security is not an issue, i am in all the time, they work away during the week, so opening and shutting gates is not really an issue. They said it was for them.

They asked us again, we said no because we could really afford it. They said they would pay and we could owe them. We said no because that didnt sit well and we dont want gates.

Got up saturday morning and a pair of 6 foot security gates were being fitted. We knew nothing about it. Given a bill for £600 and told dh is to wire them up. Plus we have to power them from our house

AIBU? Surely if we have said no, that should be the end of the matter! They are not here all week. Its only because they can't be bothered to open and shut the gates manually.

The gates are bloody ugly, TBH our drives looks like the entrance to a scrap yard. I dread coming home and having to look at them. DH is stressed becaused we have yet to confront neighbours as they arranged installation whilst on holiday.

WWYD. I dont want to fall out with neighbours and end up on channel 5. Husband dosent want to fall out as they are our friends apparently. But friends dont spend your hundreds of pounds and dont tell you what on. Feeling v. Pissed off due to being walked all over and DH's kind nature being taken for granted.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
AddToBasket · 28/03/2017 20:49

OP, you need to start dealing with this in writing. You will need to keep a copy of the letter you send them.

In the letter you should mention the two occasions on which you previously said no. You should say your position remains the same. You do not want the gates. No gate should have been selected or put in without your say so and the gate will need to come down or be replaced with one that is acceptable to both of you. You will, however, not be paying for the gate as you were happy with the last one.

Artioo2 · 28/03/2017 20:51

It seems very likely to me that your DH has said something to at least imply that you're OK with this. That would explain why he's reluctant to cause a fuss with your 'friends (seriously!?)', because he doesn't want them to tell you he said it was OK.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 28/03/2017 21:07

You have to deal with this and stop being so nice about it. The gate needs planning permission, you haven't got it and even though they put it up you are liable for any fines or damage to another person or property, which may arise as a result of potential dodgy installation. You won't be paying for it, it will come down and as you own the land and they only have rights of access over it, there will be no further discussion on the matter. A few sternly worded solicitors letters is a lot better than a potential trial for manslaughter should the gates go really wrong on someone (extreme possibility, but you don't know how qualified their father was to fit them).
Oh and they aren't your friends they're a couple of chancers. Be prepared for more shit. Whether you lie down and keep quiet or not, there will be more shit.

Justturned50 · 28/03/2017 21:09

So what's happening. Will they stay or will they go?

Mamawingingit1234 · 28/03/2017 21:18

I'd be fuming! Don't pay and don't wire them to your electrics!

EweAreHere · 28/03/2017 21:28

There's no way in hell we would allow the neighbours to do something like this.

You need to take the advice you've been given on here and put a stop to this immediately. This is NOT good neighbour behaviour ... theirs, not yours. Do not be a pushover and get sucked into paying for something you don't want, not to mention installing it and paying for the electricity! Talk about taking the piss!

DailyFaily · 28/03/2017 21:37

I also think your husband has said something that made them think he had agreed - I could buy that they might erect the gate without your permission (incredibly rude though that would be), but putting it up THEN relying on your husband to wire it up? That's just odd and a way riskier option to them than just getting them fully installed so it would feel far more difficult for you to object/dismantle. Your husband hasn't been down the pub with them and agreed to something he can't now remember (or chooses not to remember!) or something has he?

SingingSilver · 28/03/2017 21:42

OP - you seem very determined to prioritize your friendship with your neighbours over any inconvenience to you. So you may as well get on with that wiring.

I assume at the very least that your great mates deducted something from 'your half' of the cost to cover the electricity bill?

BonnyScotland · 28/03/2017 21:51

this is beyond weird

BillyButtfuck · 28/03/2017 22:00
Hmm
Veronicat · 28/03/2017 22:06

You know what you need, penguins!

AIBU or can i tell neighbours where to shove their gates?
BillyButtfuck · 28/03/2017 22:08

Your neighbours are complete twats

WaitrosePigeon · 28/03/2017 22:15

Reverse?

JaneEyre70 · 28/03/2017 22:39

To be honest, I'd bite the bullet and pay for legal advice on this one. It sounds a bit of a nightmare, we've had issues with our neighbours over a boundary and a 30 minute appointment with a solicitor and a nicely worded letter sorted out a dispute that had been ongoing for nearly 16 years. We felt total idiots for not doing it sooner - knowing we were right and proving it were 2 totally different things in the end.

AtHomeDadGlos · 28/03/2017 22:55

You sound like a real pushover. Don't let this stand, friends or not.

However, I wouldn't rip them down. Call the person who installed them and insist they are removed at their/your neighbours expense.

wowfudge · 28/03/2017 22:57

The OP can probably get legal advice for free if she has legal cover included as part of her home insurance. But, it isn't apparent that she really doesn't want them. All a bit weird.

maisiejones · 28/03/2017 23:02

I have a horrible suspicion that OP's non- confrontational husband knows exactly what's going on here. I think he agreed and is now scared to say anything.

1ittlegreen · 28/03/2017 23:04

I just can't get my head around this. It's the equivalent of you buying some huge grotesque water feature for middle of the drive, with cherubs, water jugs, willies etc...presenting neighbours with a bill for their half and insisting the lighting/water action/music is paid for by them.
Will you have to have a screen thing and intercom fitted in your hallway?? Three words: Bud, nip, now!

mummymeister · 28/03/2017 23:14

The Op has gone, she isn't coming back. she knows the only way forward is to be proactive and she wont do this.

I am just waiting for the next round of AIBU about her neighbours and the next thing that they do or the accident to the postman/children/cars.

I still keep hoping that it is actually a reverse because if it isn't the OP is going to have a fecking miserable time of it now that they have walked all over her once.

too many years dealing with neighbour nuisance and I know that this is just the beginning. don't people read the news and the length and bitterness that these disputes cause?

how sad that there are some people in the world too scared to even defend their home - the most expensive thing they own.

we wont hear from the OP again. she is up writing to the council asking about planning permission, putting the wiring in and trying not to think about it.

I cant be the only one who just despairs at how pathetic it is to let your neighbours walk all over you in this way.

good luck OP, seriously in the years ahead with these neighbours you are going to need it. and don't think you will ever be able to sell up - not with an enforcement notice or an accident due to the gates. who else would buy a property where there were gates like this?

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 28/03/2017 23:32

Is this a reverse?

123MothergotafleA · 28/03/2017 23:35

This reply has been deleted

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SlothMama · 28/03/2017 23:35

Your neighbours are selfish and utterly stupid! I'd seek legal advice and have them removed, there is no way you should be contributing to them

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/03/2017 07:02

123Mother

People do though. I hope that it is made up. It is frightful how neighbours can get on their high horse about things. Dh and I rented out the first house we ever lived in for a while. It had allocated parking and the tenants were threatened with criminal damage to their cars for parking in them. I supplied a copy of the deeds and letting agent wrote to the parties involved and it stopped. But had we acted like the op for fear of reprisals, the neighbours could have claimed ownership if they lived there long enough.

Falafelings · 29/03/2017 07:19

Can you contact the neighbours. Text and say 'I don't understand what's happening. We were asked twice if we wanted gates installed and both times we said no. Also said we couldn't pay'

Then snap shot any responses so that if it goes to court you have evidence that you didn't agree to it or paying

Falafelings · 29/03/2017 07:56

I don't think you have to go to war and be nasty. You can be polite, friendly, firm and have clear boundaries