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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More of an 'am I being vain' - about ageing and looks!

82 replies

palebluesky · 27/03/2017 16:13

Hello :) I'm now 36 and sadly, looking at myself honestly, really don't look great. In all truth and honesty my mum didn't age very well and nor have I.

I was never Kate Moss but I did have a nice face and lovely hair once. Now, though, it's gone.

My hair is dry, dry, dry no matter what i do. So is my skin. I've tried natural ways of addressing the flakiness but it just makes it look greasy. I have furrows in my brow and black hairs Hmm sporadically growing out of my neck!

The worst thing is there's little I can do. Makeup makes me look worse! But I long for a glowing complexion and shiny swishy hair like the old days Sad

I know it's vain but seeing some lovely young women on the train home made me realise how faded I am. AIBU? :)

OP posts:
Newtssuitcase · 27/03/2017 16:21

Of course you're not being vain. Most of us care about the way we look. It's natural.

Can you address one thing at a time perhaps to make it more achievable. Hair for example. Why is it dry? Is it over beached? Does it need a good chop?

Original poster
palebluesky · 27/03/2017 16:22

I think it's just how it is now honestly, I've tried so many things. My hair no longer has that silky texture it once did and looks coarse. My skin just flakes terribly. If I wear foundation the flaking is awful!

OP posts:
noeffingidea · 27/03/2017 16:23

No, you're not being unreasonable, but I think you're giving up a little bit too easily.
36 is no where near old, and I don't see why you feel it is? There are products that will help you with your hair and skin, presumably you're just not using the right ones for you.
I'm 57 and I've got to be honest, I feel much more self confident about my looks than you appear to do, and I'm very low maintanence, I just keep myself clean and healthy.

TheOnlyColditz · 27/03/2017 16:26

I'm vain too then - also 36.

Do you eat enough good fat? as I know that can impact hair and skin.

I have an encroaching beard and hair growing in places where humans aren't even supposed to be hairy. I'm fine-liney around mouth and eyes, and BOLD liney on forehead. My hair is a fucking horrible combination of greasy and dry - a hairdresser fried it in septenber with bad highlights anfd it hasn't recovered.

It's not unusual to be cross and sad when your youth is visably fading, especially in a society that values young women over older women.

Original poster
palebluesky · 27/03/2017 16:28

Yeah, I know I don't look terrible, but I also am aware that first bloom of prettiness has faded. Does that make sense? :)

OP posts:
TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 27/03/2017 16:30

I think you have to play around and try a few different products. Skin, hair etc can change and what worked for your skin/hair a few years ago won't now.

I'm going to be 30 this year, and I've noticed since having my son a few years ago my hair is a lot drier and harder to manage, so while I used to be able to use any shampoo and conditioner and my hair looked great, now I need a really moisturising one and possibly some hair dye to cover the ever increasing grey hairs sneaking in .

Roussette · 27/03/2017 16:31

Whatever problems you have with hair or skin, they are treatable. You just aren't getting the right treatments

Put on a deep intensive hair mask, wrap it in clingfilm and sleep overnight with it in. That's the first thing to try. If that doesn't help (an you may have to do it weekly) google specialists in your area and go and have an intensive treatment at a salon.

Your skin. You aren't using the right foundations, moisturisers etc. If necessary go to the doctor or some sort of expert to address this. You would not believe the number of celebrities who have skin problems (acne, flaky skin etc), you wouldn't know would you? That's because they treat it.

Hairs on neck, I get those, just pull them out!

I don't mean to sound abrupt but I am decades older than you. I wish I was 36 again and could address any problems I had and enjoy the upcoming years. You have age on your side believe me.

If you think you're faded, by that reckoning I'm a shrivelled husk Grin

Go for it. You show too much apathy, address the problems one at a time and that will boost your confidence and you will end up as the beautiful woman I'm sure you are. If you let yourself be

Venchi · 27/03/2017 16:32

do you exfoliate? I use the clinique one, it's the only one that works. They have two and it's the one with a really high concentration of exfolient beads.

KindDogsTail · 27/03/2017 16:35

I am sure you do look much nicer than you feel, but if what you say is even remotely true you could change a lot of this.

Is your hair over coloured? - Grow it out and only allow highlights in the roots. Practice blow drying it, not too often, to make it smoother. Use good quality hair products.

FInd a good moisturiser, especially I think hyaluronic acid and Vit A moisturizer is supposed to help.

Drink a lot of water; have healthy fats, fruits vegetable and healthy protein. (Skin and hair need protein and vitamin C)

Walk a lott and do other exercise if you like it.

Look up make up tutorials especially "No make up" looks . Heavy makeup makes older people look worse.

Have good underwear. There has been another thread about the right bra.

36 and on could be the prime of your life really.

KindDogsTail · 27/03/2017 16:38

Hairs on your neck - do you have any underlying hormonal problems, or are you taking any hormones that might be wrong for you? Ask your GP.

You could get permanent removal by one of the treatments available.

Original poster
palebluesky · 27/03/2017 16:44

I do Rousette - as I've said, I have tried deep conditioning and coconut oil and all manner of things but my hair is still coarse not silky.

I do pull out the hairs, it's only the odd one, but it really doesn't make you feel very feminine!

Skin- that's the worst part.

Really, Rousette, you're taking this a bit personally. I know many beautiful women of all ages. I am not one of them :)

OP posts:
Roussette · 27/03/2017 16:46

Pale not taking it personally, honest!

just trying to help

Smile
Mrsemcgregor · 27/03/2017 16:48

Have you mentioned this to your GP?

In all seriousness changes to your hair and skin like this could all be down to an imbalance or low level of something (especially hair on the neck, hormones? Thyroid?)

Just a thought, it might be worth having bloods done or maybe going private to have a health work up.

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 27/03/2017 16:49

Well, I'm 45 and I know how you feel! I find that if my hair looks a bit dry, I colour it. Even if you don't want to change the colour, maybe get one your own colour. I find it makes my hair really shiny and healthy looking, and much softer.

I don't have wrinkles, but then I'm very a bit fat.😂

As for foundation - have you tried mineral foundation? I'll never go back to liquid foundation, as I think it looks horrible on more 'mature' skin.

Original poster
palebluesky · 27/03/2017 16:49

Fair enough, I was probably being unintentionally prickly but I was just having a bit of an ugh moment.

As lovely as the sun is, it did rather illuminate me in a not so flattering light! Grin

OP posts:
Lingotria · 27/03/2017 16:49

Drink more water, take a multivitamin with lots of vitamin d, and get tested for pcos. Doing these things reversed my dry skin/hair and I'm older than you.

Also suggest exercise. Toning will help you look younger

Original poster
palebluesky · 27/03/2017 16:50

No, no it's no health problem. I mean, it's just the odd hair but I have pale skin. I have tried mineral foundation but I didn't really like it. I use Chanel beige rose.

OP posts:
Original poster
palebluesky · 27/03/2017 16:51

I don't have PCOS drink plenty of water and take multivitamins.

Sorry folks, I'm going to look rude now but it's just me, it's just how I look! I'm just not 21 any more! Grin

OP posts:
graciestocksfield · 27/03/2017 16:57

Look at photos of yourself ten years ago. You'll wonder what you were worried about at the time. The same will happen ten years from now. But from mid thirties onwards if you don't look after yourself so well you won't get away with it as much as when you were younger.

Therealslimshady1 · 27/03/2017 16:59

Just focus on being really kind, witty and humorous Grin

That ages better than looks!

With hair and skin, the less you do to it, the better. And avoid silicones (dimethicone, cyclomethicone etc) in creams and shampoo

Roussette · 27/03/2017 17:02

Listen pale I'm no oil painting believe me (face like a horse and that's just for starters) but if you get into a downward spiral about all of this at age 36, it will only get worse.

You have to turn it round as far as your mindset.

Sorry. That might not go down well. awaits a flaming from you

KindDogsTail · 27/03/2017 17:03

But so many people who are not 21 anymore look their best ever.

Anyway, this is tantalizing as no one will believe something about you (you may think is not attractive) could not be fixed, whatever you say! Smile

Your foundation and colour may or may not be right but moisturiser and the skin condition underneath matter more than foundation and foundation is usually best kept minimal to even out colour, not put all over.

SilentlyScreamingAgain · 27/03/2017 17:04

I totally get what you mean about the awful shock at the loss of youthful prettiness, especially in strong sunlight. If you were ever mad enough to own a magnifying mirror, this is the time to throw it away.

However, there are different types of attractiveness and, if it matters to you (and I know it doesn't to everyone) a well put together late 30s is just as attractive as a younger woman, maybe even more so if she didn't have the 'pretty' thing happening. Find what makes you feel confident and enjoy it.

Having said that, dry skin and course hair can be symptoms of a thyroid issue.

Original poster
palebluesky · 27/03/2017 17:06

Honestly King my hair isn't TOO bad. It's just it was once so lovely. I didn't have to do anything, it just rippled down ... sigh! Now it's drier and more coarse.

My skin is a lost cause. I don't know what else I can try.

Rousette, you're being quite hostile for a light hearted thread you know. I've no intention of flaming you but if you're going to be rude, maybe find another thread?

OP posts:
Jaysis · 27/03/2017 17:06

I had the same foundation from 19 -36 (revlon colourstay). After that when I put it on it only accentuated my slight wrinkles and I honestly looked fresher barefaced. I switched to just BB cream and concealer for a while and that looked ok and tried a few other foundations but they all were chalky or caked. It was really frustrating. I tried out Estee Lauders Double Wear and that gave me the dewy coverage that didn't cake in my wrinkles like the old one did. It really is lovely on.

I found that shimmery eyeshadows only highlighted my droopy eyes so have switched to the same tones but in a matte version if I could, again and that seems to have helped a bit.

My scalp and hair are very dry. All I can do is up the conditioning treatments and not use harsh colouring.

And I've got to do something about my muffin top...