More of an 'am I being vain' - about ageing and looks!

[palebluesky]

Hello :) I'm now 36 and sadly, looking at myself honestly, really don't look great. In all truth and honesty my mum didn't age very well and nor have I.

I was never Kate Moss but I did have a nice face and lovely hair once. Now, though, it's gone.

My hair is dry, dry, dry no matter what i do. So is my skin. I've tried natural ways of addressing the flakiness but it just makes it look greasy. I have furrows in my brow and black hairs sporadically growing out of my neck!

The worst thing is there's little I can do. Makeup makes me look worse! But I long for a glowing complexion and shiny swishy hair like the old days

I know it's vain but seeing some lovely young women on the train home made me realise how faded I am. AIBU? :)

Teetotal non smoker :) no children (yet!)

Wading I also used to wash my hair every day but now do it every other day although it looks awfully limp on the days it isn't washed.

Will look into some of these recommendations - thanks :)

Yes, it's shit when you realise that your looks are changing.

It's like all Your life things get better, as you survive adolescence, and then hit the heights of conventional beauty as you hit your reproductive peak.

Then it all starts to change. If you look at it in a positive light it's a gentle way to start to come to terms with the fact that the next ten years or so will see your body really start to change as you leave your child bearing years. (Although at 35, you're still way off all that).

So, yes I get that it is upsetting. But be comforted that loads of us are going through this as well.

And get yourself over to Style and Beauty threads. They are life affirming and wonderful.

Oh, and realise that you will be able to sort some of your beauty troubles out, and you will be just as beautiful as you were, just in a different way.

I would ask your GP for a blood test- coarse hair can be a symptom of thyroid problems.

If you can, I'd suggest seeing a dermatologist (may need to go private). Flakey skin isn't just a normal sign of ageing- there may be an underlying problem (eg dermatitis).

Neck hairs- pluck 'em.

Honestly, 36 is no age. Obviously you're going to look older than some 21yo but there's no reason why you shouldn't look fab.

Pretty good, toffee. I'm mostly vegan

If you're vegan it likely is zinc deficiency like me. Got some zinc supplements from sainsbury's and dry hair flaky skin and dandruff went away after about 4 days

Do you live in a hard or soft water area? When I go from Leeds to Lancaster the shower water swiftly makes my skin dry and my hair feel stringy and dry and awful x try a water softener x

Which moisturiser are you using (and what's your budget.)
My skin was exactly the same in my mid to late 30's and it took me a long time to find a solution.

No offence but if you are a vegan, are you getting enough fat in your diet? I only ask as a few years ago I did a low carb diet which meant eating much more fat than usual.After a while, my skin was really glowing! Obviously I was eating things like meat, butter, cheese etc, which you wouldn't, but what about things like avocado,nuts etc or hemp oil capsules?

I'm 52 and ageing sucks! However I think we are lucky as there is a lot more we can do to slow down the appearance of ageing, botox, fillers etc these days.

Are you slim?

I'm your age and I still look reasonably young- but that's because I'm fat.

They're not kidding when they say about choosing the arse or the face.

Have to agree with destiny on the fat thing.

I do low carb too and people have commented on my skin, looks glowing, ten year younger etc etc. That and the massive amount of veg and loads of water really makes a difference.

I'm 35 and have started to use the Nivea creme in a blue tub, it used to be too thick but now it's ideal. Seems to fill in the wrinkles and makes me look more alert

Your skin can be fixed. You just aren't using the right products. Have you tried a chemical exfoliant? I've recently started using Paula's choice skin perfecting 2% bha liquid and it's made a huge difference already. My skin is much smoother and the flaky bits that foundation cling to have gone. The nip + tuck glycolic fix and dragons blood pads that are available in boots are also good.

Another fan of Estée Lauder double wear here too. Applied with a stippling brush it looks very natural. I find it does tend to settle in fine lines though. Mac longwear pro is also good and not as heavy as double wear

But OP, that first bloom of prettiness, can be replaced with attractiveness. As we age, we have to change our regime. I hear what you're saying about make up, try a different one, also your moisturiser.
My eyebrows, whilst I had plenty, faded away to blonde. I have them shaped and tinted regularly, makes such a difference.
Get yourself a soft lip pencil, another good trick, keep your shape.
I think regarding makeup, I find less, is more.
How about a new hairstyle, or some colour.
Get some tweezers on the old neck hairs, annoying blighters 😂
Above all, walk tall, your loveliness inside, will shine out.

I'm nearly 50 and struggling in much the same way.

Got a bit of saggy-face starting too.

None of which is helped by long-term (likely forever in fact) steroid treatment for a chronic health condition.

I try all sorts of stuff but I never seem to get results - I think I now need industrial strength treatments

I am, however, taking note of and will act on some of the advice I'm reading here.

Re: your dry hair though. I can thoroughly recommend Redken's Frizz Dismiss Instant Deflate FPF 30 serum in a pump bottle. It's great for blowdrying and straightening - heat protection too. It's pricier than I normally spend on myself, but it works. I've tossed all my other stuff in the bin. Going to try the rest of the range next.

My hair is fine, frizzy, grey, hennaed and DRY with oily roots.

Good luck!

Oh long-term Prednisolone has given me hair in places I could do without too. I cannot stop my medication so I just need to get better at getting rid of the stuff.

Lots of practical solutions already being offered here but I just wanted to say 'I know exactly what you mean'. It's actually nice to know I'm not alone! I have two beautiful children and a wonderful life, I'm old enough to know plenty of people with 'real' problems and so I feel very guilty for feeling the mild sadness that I do when I see in the mirror how much I've changed in the last year or two. I'm 35. Lines on my forehead so bad I got a fringe. Felt good for 5 mins then noticed crows feet have got worse and now there are horizontal lines on my upper lip that really age me. Same regards hair - it's fine, it really is, I haven't even lost much colour yet, but it doesn't have the same gloss. It's like my essential juices are not there in quite the same way! And I don't think the op or I are trying to do down women older than us or imply they aren't beautiful. It's more just gently noticing a little bit sadly how things go. And also the fact it's not reversible is kind of hard to get your head around - i put on lots of weight after my pregnancies but it was possible to lose it. A funny rash or scar will go or fade. But the wrinkles and stuff are there now, that's it sort of thing.
All of that said, OP, I do think I'm a LOT better at putting myself together and having a coherent style. I'm also more accepting of how I look (I'm me, no need to try and look like anyone else...) and can afford much better clothes and makeup than when I was 25. So, swings and roundabouts I guess!

I started to grow a beard at about 38. It's horrible and numerous laser treatments later it still hasn't gone. But laser might be an option for you, particularly if you are pale.

Hair I would be taking lots of oil supplements and then putting a semi on it. That should make your hair glossy again.

For the skin perhaps a dermabrasion facial or a chemical peel?

I really do think that lots of us hit a point where suddenly everything is "different". It can really get you down and so I do sympathise.

I know exactly what you mean, OP. I don't have the dry skin or dry hair, but a whole lot of other stuff going on - I'm your age, and I think this must be when things start to slide!

Fats - Hemp oil, as a food, is good for the skin. Waitrose have it in bottles sometimes "Good Hemp Oil"

My hair is nice after highlights but then goes back.
If every tie they do the highlights they put the product over the tips of the hair, it gets drier and drier. Find a hairdresser who will just do mostly the re-growth, Some will say it can't be done, but there are others who do this perfectly well.

Avoid washing your hair too often. Blow dry it smooth around a barrel brush.

There are some supplements called "Hair, skin and nails" which may be worth trying, or the zinc as other posters said. As a vegan have you checked vitamins you may need as a vegan? Also, Vit D if you are not getting sun light.

As another poster said try Phytohair products - find one good for your hair type. It seems expensive but lasts a long time.

I'm another one who gets fantastic skin and hair from low carb done as high fat, high veg, moderate protein, low carb.

How's your diet? Do you drink?

I also think, if you were the sort of woman who was naturally pretty with not much effort when you were young, it must be a shock when that doesn't work any more. I've always had to work at it and so have worn make up from being a teen, always taken it off at night, moisturized, worn sunscreen etc, and so know that looking good takes work.

Sad but true. And that's,what S&B is for!

Thanks guys for understanding :)

I'm a healthy BMI but definitely the higher end.

As someone has said it's a sense of things slowly fading. I know what "the wrong side of 35" means now!

I get two coarse black hairs that grow from my neck and while I hate them it's not a solution I want like 'get laser treatment' or similar! Ultimately I won't look 25 again, that's cool but it takes you by surprise in a weird way. Makeup really doesn't suit me. I only wear mascara.

You won't look 25 again, and as others have said you are feeling the shock.

But make the most of this age, because when you are older, 36 will seem so young that you'll wish you had realised it and made the most of it.

My hair got increasingly dry and looked over processed (even though I rarely used heat). My friend bought me aveda hair s&c and although I used to dismiss it as a rip off, it's made an amazing difference. Skin, did you try the softly approach? Hot cloth cleanse, gentle foam cleanser, micellar water, toner, serum, moisturiser. Again, PITA, but works much better for me than exfoliating and hope.

With hair products, I find you have to pay the big bucks. Kerastase masquintense amd Philip Kingsley elasticiser are miracle workers.

But yep, before if I didn't bother with decent skin care and get threaded a couple of times a year, it didn't matter. Now a couple of days of routine slipping and I look worse for wear. And I've taught myself to thread as it's just easier