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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to remove shoes in the home

530 replies

Illtellyouwhatswhat10 · 27/03/2017 00:02

Generally we don't ask guests to remove their shoes, and my SIL said she doesn't either. We both agreed that when you go to the trouble to put on a nice outfit, it's ruined when you have to take off your footwear. SIL added that as we both have tiled/wooden floors in downstairs room why would you ask guests to, anyway?

And another thing, it's often not nice to be barefoot in someone else's home (at least in your own place you have your own slippers) and I'm aware that some people may feel conscious about smelly feet/odd unsightly feet/verrucas. Even if hosts provide slippers, would you want to wear something that's been worn by someone else?

OP posts:
TwentyCups · 28/03/2017 08:48

Littlefrog3

I do have mats. I have mats all over the front room. I don't have a hallway you walk straight through the front door into the front room which has a cream carpet. It's a rental, I've asked to change it, I'm not allowed. I don't have pets, they're not allowed in the house (in the contract, not my rule!). Trust me it is always muddy out there, there's bits of bark on the floor too. We're not even rural, just a really badly maintained road.

i doubt my friends care because I have people over all the time who seem happy! But then they also take their shoes off at theirs, so maybe we are of similar minds :)

CWBB · 28/03/2017 09:47

If it's not germs that people are afraid of, maybe another difference is how warm you keep your house? I can imagine that shoes off in a hotter house is much easier than shoes off in a colder house.

This is definitely an issue - our house is centrally heated but no under floor heating and in the winter it is definitely uncomfortable not to have shoes or slippers on. I wouldn't dream of making my elderly parents or MIL sit / stand in their stockinged feet, especially if there was any risk of them feeling uncomfortably cold.

Another issue is that (for some unfathomable reason!) DM and MIL wear thin tights pretty much all the time rather than socks, which apart from offering no protection against the cold also risk getting snagged and laddered on wooden flooring without shoes.

BusterGonad · 28/03/2017 09:54

SoupDragon sorry for being arsey! I didn't mean to be! Blush

Delatron · 28/03/2017 10:13

Bottom line: it is rude to ask people to take their shoes off when entering your house. You can moan as much as you like about germs, cream carpets etc.

I always offer, especially if I see cream carpets and always tell my children to. All you can hope, is that people will offer. I tend to tell guests to keep their shoes on. I want them to be comfortable.

You can't ask though, bad hosting! Please do not come at people with random slippers and socks either!

motherinferior · 28/03/2017 10:18

I don't wear shoes in my house or anyone else's. What you do is up to you. DP doesn't wear shoes in our house either and usually takes them off in other people's. It's not a hygiene thing, it's just comfort.

Natsku · 28/03/2017 10:21

Do all you people who expect people to take shoes on/off at the door (with/without access to slippers or socks) provide a seat at the door?

I have a chair in the porch for people to sit on to remove shoes, also the stairs are just inside the front door, that's where DD sits to take off her shoes.

If it's not germs that people are afraid of, maybe another difference is how warm you keep your house?

That's a good point. Everyone keeps their homes pretty warm in Finland, 21 degrees is usual so its not cold to have your shoes off (actually would probably get uncomfortably warm to keep your shoes on inside!). My house is around 23C most of the time because its an old heating system that doesn't have a themostat.

My driveway is covered in grit at the moment because of the ice and our road is a mixture of dirt and gravel (oh how I wish they'd tarmac it but that's unlikely to happen) with no pavements so there's lots of stuff that gets caught in the treads of your shoes. And they're going to be digging up our road this summer to put new pipes down (which means big piles of dirt piled up that inevitably all the children in the neighbourhood will play on so I'll probably have to hose them down before they can come inside Grin ) so guests won't be able to park on our driveway so will have to walk along the dirt track to get to our house.

eddiemairswife · 28/03/2017 10:43

'House Rules'! Whatever next? Are they framed and put in a prominent place by the front door, so that the unwary visitor does not trangress?

sonyaya · 28/03/2017 10:44

I'm honestly struggling to get my head round the idea of people visiting other people with a pair of slippers in their bag to wear in their home.

Natsku · 28/03/2017 10:49

Washable guest slippers are a 'thing' over here but I've never actually seen them in any house I've been to and I don't have them. Socks are fine, even barefeet.

Also in regards to an earlier post about whether to lick the sole of someone's shoe or their foot, I'd lick their foot. Feet get washed regularly, daily usually, whereas shoes don't (unless dipping them in puddles counts...). Unless they've got athlete's foot, in which case I'll happily give their shoes a tongue-wash instead!

Katarzyna79 · 28/03/2017 10:54

i gues its a cultural difference, between the east and the west. But it's now quite common for most ppl in the uk to take their outdoor shoes off inside isn't it, or so I thought?

I agree with mrs Cobain and others.

Btw it's not a religious thing at all in the east, its more to do with hygiene, and if entering a place of worship hygiene and respect for the area. In a lot of eastern religions ppl sit on the floor and pray or meditate.

It's always been the norm for me, but if I was asked to keep my shoes on I would. I instinctively remove them though. I don't care about messing up my outfit, I think it's being a bit too precious and OTT to say an outfit is ruined because shoes are taken off, im glad i'm not wired to think that way.

In my childrens primary and school and the secondary next door theres a rule no outdoor shoes inside, everyone swaps into light trainers or plimsoles indoors, clearly they see it as a hygiene issue too, they don't want mud dragged into their school.

squoosh · 28/03/2017 10:58

But it's now quite common for most ppl in the uk to take their outdoor shoes off inside isn't it, or so I thought?

You may think so judging by this thread but I have never been to a shoes off household. Never come across one in my life.

Katarzyna79 · 28/03/2017 11:00

delatron i don't think it;s rude at all, it's my house, my rules. No service men (electricians, gas men, tv, nurses) get into my house without 1 removing shoes, or putting on shoe bags which i keep a supply of.

If i go to a friends and she insists i keep my shoes on I will, i won't be relaxed sitting there, but i'll do it because it's her house and she asked me to.

bignamechangeroonie · 28/03/2017 11:02

Isn't the demographic of Mumsnet mostly middle class?

In which case wouldn't we expect the middle classes to be shoes off and the uppers/lowers to not care about possessions that much?

eddiemairswife · 28/03/2017 11:04

Neither have I squoosh. And I have lived in areas all over England, so it doesn't appear to be a regional thing.

treaclesoda · 28/03/2017 11:07

Squoosh and Eddie , me neither.

Ojoj1974 · 28/03/2017 11:08

We take our shoes off if going into the rooms with carpet as they are cream but I'm happy for shoes on the wooden floors.
I've found that the smarter the house/ family the less they care.....

mowgeli · 28/03/2017 11:19

Ojoj, that comes across a bit cheeky.
I don't think there is a correlation between intelligence or home type and shoes off.

I like shoes off because my son crawls and eats everything and it means less time cleaning and more time playing with him. It's not because I am not smart...or my husband.... or anyone else who likes no shoes in their house for that matter.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/03/2017 11:21

I don't expect people to take their shoes off when they come into the house - I want my guests to feel comfortable, and if keeping their shoes on - or taking them off - makes them comfortable, then I am happy with that.

It's mainly hard floors downstairs, so it's not a problem if someone tracks dirt in - it just adds to that tracked in by the dogs - though I would be a bit peeved if someone came in in really muddy shoes, and went upstairs, leaving great clods of mud in the carpets up there.

LaurieMarlow · 28/03/2017 11:21

bignamechange shoes off feels like a lower middle class thing to me, with everyone else not particularly caring. I'd say MN skews upper middle class.

bignamechangeroonie · 28/03/2017 11:24

Hmmmm, interesting. I think of Mumsnet as very lower middle (teachers, doctors, solicitors, bankers) and occasionally middle middle. Upper middle is the Middletons and they're Uber wealthy.

squoosh · 28/03/2017 11:24

I presume she meant smart to mean posh rather than smart to mean clever.

squoosh · 28/03/2017 11:25

I would have thought solicitors and doctors were the very epitome of middle middle class.

bignamechangeroonie · 28/03/2017 11:26

Agree that 'smart' means posh to everyone else. Nowt to do with clever.

LaurieMarlow · 28/03/2017 11:28

Doctors, solicitors, bankers definitely not lower middle. I'd say at a junior level they're middle middle and more senior upper middle.

I know plenty of bankers who are more wealthy than the Middletons.

MsHooliesCardigan · 28/03/2017 11:29

My DB has a couple of friends who are genuine landed gentry. He said that he has never been asked to remove his shoes when visiting and said they would probably regard being asked to do this as rather vulgar. I can't imagine the Royals sitting in Buck House showing their socks and bunions to everyone.

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