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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to remove shoes in the home

530 replies

Illtellyouwhatswhat10 · 27/03/2017 00:02

Generally we don't ask guests to remove their shoes, and my SIL said she doesn't either. We both agreed that when you go to the trouble to put on a nice outfit, it's ruined when you have to take off your footwear. SIL added that as we both have tiled/wooden floors in downstairs room why would you ask guests to, anyway?

And another thing, it's often not nice to be barefoot in someone else's home (at least in your own place you have your own slippers) and I'm aware that some people may feel conscious about smelly feet/odd unsightly feet/verrucas. Even if hosts provide slippers, would you want to wear something that's been worn by someone else?

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 28/03/2017 05:13

I know it might seem a bit tricky Buster, but I trust most people beyond toddlerhood to have mastered the dark art of wiping their shoes on my outside and inside mats!

BusterGonad · 28/03/2017 05:45

It doesn't work for me TheDowager, mats don't cut the mustard. Just take the shoes off, simple, no mess. Obviously it's up to the individual, but I don't know why people are getting pissy if they are asked to take their shoes off in someone else's house. It's respectful to follow someone else's house rules.

PenelopeFlintstone · 28/03/2017 05:59

If you had a choice between licking the sole of an acquaintance's boot (with no visible mud or dog poo) and the sole of his actual foot, and you had to lick one, which would you choose? I'd take my chances on the boot, I think.

TheDowagerCuntess · 28/03/2017 06:21

Envy Me too Penelope.

Of course it's respectful to follow other people's rules, but part of being a good host is making your guests feel welcome, relaxed and at home.

Whose home do you know you're going to have a more raucous time at -

'My house, my rules :-✖️^

.^.. or

'Mi casa au casa'^^ BrewCakeWine

You will never convince those of us who think it is cringey to ask guests to remove their shoes, to think otherwise. I will earmark you as the catsbum type ^^ straight away.

And again, I say this someone who removes their shoes at home, and always offers to remove them at other people's.

TheDowagerCuntess · 28/03/2017 06:22

Mi casa su casa! 🥂

Highmaintenancefemalestuff · 28/03/2017 06:44

I have a pair of indoor shoes and a pair of slippers. The slippers are those boot things so if I'm cleaning my feet get wet in them, that's where my indoor shoes come in, cleaning.
I never ask people to take their shoes off at my house but my mum does bring a pair of slippers with her, I should buy her some for here really. I do always take off my shoes at other people's houses.

fourteenlittleducks · 28/03/2017 07:09

As soon as I am asked to take my shoes off (because their house is so special obviously, and I am clearly a skank who walks around in dogshit and oil!) it gets my back right up, I don't enjoy being in that house, and I leave as soon as possible

How sad. Why does it upset you so much?

Lack of shoes ruining an outfit? How vain. Like saying your outfit is ruined when you take your scarf/coat off and insisting host turns heating off so you can sit there in your outdoor clothes.

Throughout Asia and ME it's the norm to leave outdoor shoes at the door. Would you still be offended?

It's not germ phobia. It's common sense to reduce the bacterial load tracked into your house. Especially if you sit on floor or have a toddler.

SoupDragon · 28/03/2017 07:10

Just remembered I asked Buster a question earlier

So I shall rephrase my other posts and say I cannot stand wearing shoes with out socks, except one single pair I owned for 1 year. Phew. That's better!

Or you could just have simply answered the question and not been arsey . Just a thought.

SoupDragon · 28/03/2017 07:11

As I said right at the start, I would go with someone else's house rules but unless there were, say, cream carpets I would be rolling my eyes at the germophobic numpties.

897654321abcvrufhfgg · 28/03/2017 07:11

God help anyone that walks on my living room carpet with shoes on; you have been warned!!!!

TheDowagerCuntess · 28/03/2017 07:21

Lack of shoes ruining an outfit? How vain.

Equally you could say, worried about your floors over your guests' comfort? How prissy.

Dontactlikeyouknowme · 28/03/2017 07:33

What what you do to someone who walked on your carpet with shoes on?

Proudmummytodc2 · 28/03/2017 07:34

I haven't RTFT but i used to have a take shoes off in my house when I had cream carpets but now I don't then I don't bother but when we are all home we generally take out shoes off and put them in the shoe box anyway.

I don't go visiting for this reason, due to medication that I'm on it actually has a side effect of really bad smelly feet. I take clean socks everywhere just incase I need to change but it doesn't really help I know I can still smell them and it's very embarrassing for me and I'd hate for the host to think she's smelling my carpet or something I'd be uncomfortable the full time. (most of my friends know this and now don't force me when I turn up they look and say "it's fine proud don't worry" without me even saying anything but I feel like I'm disrespecting their house rules by wearing my shoes anyway.

I won't even take them off at my own Mum/dads house for this reason.

Dontactlikeyouknowme · 28/03/2017 07:34

Would you smother them with !!!!!!!!!!!

Iamastonished · 28/03/2017 07:36

Some people are way too easily offended. It really wouldn't bother me if I was asked to remove my shoes to spare a freshly cleaned cream carpet for example.

If you think the host is showing lack of respect for you don't you think you are equally showing lack of respect for them by refusing. And flouncing off home because you don't want to take your shoes off is just childish.

mowgeli · 28/03/2017 07:40

I have wooden floors downstairs and tiles in the kitchen and I demand that shoes are taken off. It's for hygiene reasons as my son has learnt to crawl and is putting every single thing he finds on the floor in his mouth. Even a mini stone yesterday!
It saves me time cleaning if people take off their shoes as I don't need to mop the floor every day. That means I can spend more time with my son.
I had a hard time getting the in laws to take off their boots. Especially my FIL who always wore his hiking boots in the house and put them on the sofa (wtf)
So after getting really upset about it I texted my husband a text to send them and he just forwarded the whole message including you can send this to your mum and dad Blush but they both now take their shoes off every time which saves me time cleaning.
Win win really

treaclesoda · 28/03/2017 07:48

I read these threads all the time on mumsnet and whilst I'd happily comply with anyone who wants me to take my shoes off, I have reached my 40s and never been in a shoes off house.

I was taught that it's incredibly rude to take your shoes off in someone else's house and it does frustrate me to continually read that people who keep their shoes on have no manners. Because until I read these threads on mumsnet I would have had no idea that anyone might have thought it rude - I would have thought I was being polite.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 28/03/2017 07:59

This thread is making me chuckle, I do love a good shoes on/off debate Grin

Natsku thanks for answering my question about smelly feet.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 28/03/2017 08:02

If it's not germs that people are afraid of, maybe another difference is how warm you keep your house? I can imagine that shoes off in a hotter house is much easier than shoes off in a colder house.

I'm a shoes on house and I keep the thermostat at 17oC.

Anyone else? Let's test my theory.

Eolian · 28/03/2017 08:09

I don't mind removing my shoes if people want me to, I just find it all rather Hyacinth Bucket tbh. I take my walking boots or wellies off when I've been for a dog walk, but not my normal shoes if I've been out in the car and on pavements etc.

mowgeli · 28/03/2017 08:12

Coffee our house is always 23 degrees and we are shoes off. Also under floor heating in kitchen.
I get cold feet sometimes when I go to friends house and take off my shoes but I put up with it because I don't like shoes in my house.
When we come home we all take our shoes off at the door. It is a hygiene issue for us.

ElinorRigby · 28/03/2017 08:13

I suppose that I don't like being perceived as a source of dirt and contamination and a threat to people's carpets. It doesn't seem warm or welcoming. More as if I'm regarded as an alien and a potentially enemey

I have normal manners and would wipe my feet on mats, remove hiking boots etc - and would comply with a host's requests when visiting their home

Perhaps because I am relatively old - just past my mid-fifties - my peers and friends aren't people who think of their mates as threats to the purity of their home..

AngryGinger · 28/03/2017 08:16

I'd never ask someone to take their shoes off and if they asked if they should I'd tell them to keep them on or take them off, whichever they were more comfortable. But I always always ask in someone's house if they want me to to take my shoes off

GrinAndTonic · 28/03/2017 08:40

Never would I ask anyone to remove their shoes before entering my house unless of course they were filthy work boots. We have 100 year old wooden floors (100 years is ancient in Australia) and still let people wear shoes.
DH and I have house shoes or go barefoot indoors but also have outdoor shoes at the door to throw on to get the mail or take the bin out and these shoes stay outside.
Asking people to remove their shoes is just ill mannered has the potential to cause problems with guests.

Wallywobbles · 28/03/2017 08:46

I follow house rules but there is so much I don't understand here. We had inside and outside shoes for summer and boots for winter as kids. Lived on a farm. Socked feet were never allowed and bare feet were not appreciated, because of the dogs etc. Bare or socked feet are much more likely to get damaged.

How can people allow dogs and cats in the house and on beds then mind about shoes inside? I tell people to keep shoes on inside because of the dogs. Their shoes aren't going to be dirtier than the dogs. I'm not keen on other people's slippers to be honest. MIL i respect her choice despite her dog because she bleaches her floor daily.

DH is from shoes off school, which drives me nuts. New house renovation, will be shoes off upstairs because of wooden floors. Happily our bedroom is downstairs.

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