Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To actually want to meet the person who would be looking after my child?

56 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 26/03/2017 21:08

If you had to leave your child with a childminder for three days out of the week would it be important that you met her personally?

Would you feel ok with sending your DP/DH off to 'vet' them and then if he thought the lady seemed ok you'd be happy enough to send your child to her on his say-so alone?

Genuinely curious as I said to DH that I would want to meet her myself and he had a mini-huff and I said, "I think it's just a mother thing" and he said, "No, it's just a YOU thing."

I said that it isn't as though I don't trust his judgement it's just that I would want to know who I'm sending our child to.

OP posts:
Jazzywazzydodah · 26/03/2017 21:09

No id want to see her too and I really wouldn't mind if dh did either? It's just called showing a interest.

Why is he being a dick?

ILoveDolly · 26/03/2017 21:10

I think that my Dh would also be offended in the circumstances. Won't you be able to meet her another time? Surely your DP is a human adult with sense?

Moanyoldcow · 26/03/2017 21:11

What? I wouldn't leave my child with anyone I'd not met and my husband wouldn't expect me to either.

Aliveinwanderland · 26/03/2017 21:12

No I wouldn't leave my DS with someone that I hadn't met! When choosing a childminder I went and met a few and then when I had found one I liked DH came along to meet her two. We both wanted to make sure we were comfortable with her.

JumpingJetFlash · 26/03/2017 21:13

I don't think it's a mother thing as my husband would want to meet the person too - it's his daughter too.

milpool · 26/03/2017 21:13

I'd want to meet them and I'd expect my husband to be the same if it was the other way round.

(The only exception was when our childminder had to take emergency time off and I went and met someone who could potentially cover for a day or so; DH was fine with just me going for that.)

Tigerlovingall · 26/03/2017 21:14

Totally reasonable and normal to me. I'd imagine that I'd have some sort of relationship with her over the years - children get high fevers/sick etc. And I'd like her to use me as the first point of contact, and I'd certainly want to put a face to a name.

corythatwas · 26/03/2017 21:15

As far as I remember, we both went to meet the CM we finally settled for.

Trb17 · 26/03/2017 21:15

Nope I would want to meet them too. DH is gormless with instincts about people so I'd want to meet for myself.

Noctilucent · 26/03/2017 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snap8TheCat · 26/03/2017 21:15

I'm a childminder. I've had many mums come along and secure a place for their child before I've even met the dad. however, twice this has also happened the other way around.

Just wanted to post for balance as you will get a lot of views from the other side.

corythatwas · 26/03/2017 21:15

I would not phrase it as a mother thing though: I always assumed that dh, as a father, was equally interested in things that concerned his children.

Llanali · 26/03/2017 21:16

I wouldn't need to. I trust my husband entirely; he chose our daughters pre school. I didn't meet them intuit several weeks after she started.

Iggi999 · 26/03/2017 21:17

I did masses of research before choosing the Childminders I've had. Dh just sort of went along with it prob as he wouldn't want to do the work! I have used clubs/after school care without meeting the people myself first but a cm is a very personal sort of relationship. So no I don't think it's a "you" thing it's a mother thing though not all mothers would think the same.

HecateAntaia · 26/03/2017 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OlennasWimple · 26/03/2017 21:19

I've hired nannies / CMs / put down for places at nursery without DH seeing them. He has done likewise. He put an offer in on a house that I hadn't seen yet, I put a deposit down on a rental property that he hadn't seen either.

We both have similar views on these things, trust our instincts, trust each other's instincts, and talk to each other before making any commitment. But sometimes decisions have to be made quickly and it isn't always possible for both DH and I to see something / meet someone before we have to proceed.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/03/2017 21:19

My first thought from your title was absolutely not, but I saw your dh has met her. I guess that should be enough, they're his dc too, and when I organised a child minder for my dc it wouldn't have occurred to my dh to vet her too.

Mermaidinthesea · 26/03/2017 21:20

I would not send my child to anyone I hadn't met. if DP didn't like it then bloody tough.

ImLadybird · 26/03/2017 21:20

I would definitely want to meet them myself and my exh would have been fine with that.

I was a childminder myself for a while. Out of the 40+ children I minded, I can only think of two dads who came to meet me along with the mums!

Scrumptiousbears · 26/03/2017 21:21

My sister vetted the childminder. Went with DH to sign the contracts and he named her and the environment Confused

witsender · 26/03/2017 21:23

I wouldn't mind either way. If I could meet them I would but I would trust his judgement.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 26/03/2017 21:23

I wouldn't get to meet the lady at all because my DH does all drop offs and pick ups.

This childminder that I'm jetting tomorrow will just be looking after DS for a week whilst our regular childminder is on holiday. It's all come about very quickly and DS will be going to the fill-in childminder the week after next.

When we went meeting Childminder's initially we visited 6 before deciding on our current one and 5 of them we'd visited together. Ironically I/we chose the one that DH didn't meet.....he'd come with me but as DS had fallen asleep in the car DH said to just leave him in the car with him whilst I went in and met the childminder.

I am meeting the full-in CM tomorrow (and hoping to God I like her as I'm stuck for other options) and I asked DH if he wanted to come and he said no, he was happy with me making the decision. That's how the conversation came about, because I then said I don't think I could ever leave DS with a stranger that I hadn't met, even if she was a registered CM.

OP posts:
DorotheaHomeAlone · 26/03/2017 21:26

I would trust my DH to make a decision like this without me overseeing it. Jeez. He's an equal parent. He cares as much as I do.

BarbarianMum · 26/03/2017 21:26

I would definitely want to meet them but dh would be perfectly happy to let me make a decision like this. I think it's quite unusual for mothers not to be involved but also for fathers to be.

fruitpastille · 26/03/2017 21:29

If you will be doing drop off/pick up it's more important as you will be forming a relationship with her too. I think dh met with our first one. Later ones he didn't but they were friends/neighbours so he knew then slightly.