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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To actually want to meet the person who would be looking after my child?

56 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 26/03/2017 21:08

If you had to leave your child with a childminder for three days out of the week would it be important that you met her personally?

Would you feel ok with sending your DP/DH off to 'vet' them and then if he thought the lady seemed ok you'd be happy enough to send your child to her on his say-so alone?

Genuinely curious as I said to DH that I would want to meet her myself and he had a mini-huff and I said, "I think it's just a mother thing" and he said, "No, it's just a YOU thing."

I said that it isn't as though I don't trust his judgement it's just that I would want to know who I'm sending our child to.

OP posts:
HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 26/03/2017 21:31

My DH took a morning off work to visit my DC's first preschool, obviously I could have gone alone but he wanted to see it too. Another pair of eyes is always useful. I'd see this as the same.

FatOldBag · 26/03/2017 21:37

I'd want to meet the childminder, but dh says he'd be happy to go with someone I'd chosen even if he hadn't met them himself. On that basis, I have to agree with you that "it's a mum thing". Also your dh sound a bit of an arse huffy. Is he usually rude to you, or is he usually much nicer?

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 26/03/2017 21:38

If you will be doing drop off/pick up it's more important as you will be forming a relationship with her too

DH does all the drop off/pick up as I work shifts.

In the two years my DS has been going to his childminder I've probably been face to face with her a maximum of 20 times. It's still always me she ring and texts though when's she has any questions or problems as opposed to contacting my DH who she knows FAR better. Not that I mind, obviously Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 26/03/2017 21:40

Is he usually rude to you, or is he usually much nicer?

He's 100% lovely - I think he just reacted like that as he thought I was implying that I don't trust his judgements when it comes to DS. He just felt a bit offended I think.

OP posts:
HiMyNameIsUnknown · 26/03/2017 21:41

My DH & I visited nurseries together as for us it was important we both were comfortable. We also felt it was important to respect their time by not asking for separate meetings so planned a day when he could take a holiday & I was on mat leave

StarlingMurderation · 26/03/2017 21:41

Yeah, I'd want to meet her. Though when I sorted out DS's childcare, DP didn't feel the need to have input/check them out. So if it's a 'you thing' it's a 'me thing' too. Or a mum that's big, or maybe just a primary caregiver thing, if you look after DS most of the time.

tarheelbaby · 26/03/2017 21:42

As I remember it, my DH did not meet the childminder for our PFB until well after she had started going there. He was supportive and enthusiastic that I'd found someone I was happy could look after DD1 when I was back at work but he very much considered it my problem.

StarlingMurderation · 26/03/2017 21:42

*a mum thing, that should be. Why is autocorrect so weird?

hibbledobble · 26/03/2017 21:45

Some people may be happy with only their partner meeting a childminder, but the point here is that you would like to meet the childminder too (fair enough, I would feel the same) and he is belittling you for that. That is unkind.

Yanbu.

fabulous01 · 26/03/2017 21:45

Personally no
But dh didn't see the nursery I chose ...

MissJSays · 26/03/2017 21:47

I wouldn't leave my child with anyone I hadn't met and my DP wouldn't expect me to either. I work in childcare and even when parents know they will never be the ones picking up, they always come on the show around and mostly always attend the settles.

Whys he being a dick?

museumum · 26/03/2017 21:48

Did I see it's a one week fill-in child minder?
In that case I'd be happy if my dh was happy (and she had all the vetting paperwork etc).

Snap8TheCat · 26/03/2017 21:48

I think if its just for a week then not that necessary. Why do you need to like her? Surely if it's just cover then as long as she's suitable and competent that's all that's needed, isn't it? You're not forging a life long friendship.

MissJSays · 26/03/2017 21:48

I'll also add he probably wouldn't be comfortable sending DC somewhere he hadn't checked out either. So works both ways, id want his opinion.

crazywriter · 26/03/2017 21:53

YANB totally U but then I wouldn't have said your DH was totally U to be a little offish. Although his comment wasn't that nice.

Childminder/nursery decisions were joint for us. We both went to first meetings. But I woukd have trusted DH to make the decision if for any reason I couldn't and I know he would trust me. We just respected that it was something we both wanted to do.

Kiwiinkits · 26/03/2017 21:57

I would really want to see the environment they'd be in. E.g if it was dirty or if the TV was on or if there was a big dog or something . DH wouldn't even notice those things. So no, I wouldn't trust DH's opinion on a childminder alone.

wrinkleseverywhere · 26/03/2017 21:58

DH is a better judge of character than I am so I'd be happy with his decision.
Of all of the childcare arrangements we've had over the years:

  • nursery - chosen by me alone
  • nanny - went with my choice. Complete disaster! Should have gone with DH's choice
  • childminder - chosen by me. DH did meet her before DS started with her but only because we bumped into her in the park.
  • Wraparound nanny - chosen by both of us
  • childminder #2 - chosen by me.
purpleporpoise · 26/03/2017 21:59

I would let him go first to see what he thinks but wouldn't make a decision til I'd met them first

fabulous01 · 26/03/2017 22:00

I mean there is no way I would leave mine with someone I hadn't met

Hulababy · 26/03/2017 22:03

I would want to myself yes. Its not that I don't trust DH and his instincts, but it is, for me, something I would just feel I had to do.

However, DH was ore than happy to let me do the childcare checks when DD first went to nursery - was near my work, an hour from home and his work. He did come and look at ad help choose the next one when we moved her closer to home, and has been involved in school visits for primary and secondary ever since.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 26/03/2017 22:04

My husband found our childminder for the second child and booked and paid before I ever met her. He was the SAHP for most of the week, did the drop offs and pick ups, so there wasn't any need for me to rush round and vet his choice.

This was with a second child though and I think by then we had a pretty good idea of what we wanted and what it's possible to tell off one meeting (not that much, just an instinctive yes or no).

Snap8TheCat · 26/03/2017 22:07

It's for 3 days!!

JellyBert · 26/03/2017 22:07

We both met with childminders & looked round nurserys. We both chose which one we wanted to go for. Can't imagine it any other way, tbh! But I guess each family is different

TinselTwins · 26/03/2017 22:10

DH checked out both DD2s nursery and preschool without me, I picked DD1s childminder and nursery without him,

If you're on the same page parenting wise why do you both need to go? seems a waste of a day of leave from work to me, we chatted about it and made the decision together ultimately, but we didn't both go on the visits, I mean I do trust DH's judgement.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 26/03/2017 22:11

Depends.

Is this my first child? Grin

Not really, I think I'd want to meet the childminder too, although if I couldn't I wouldn't sweat it.

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