But can you spoil a baby by holding them?

[Missmac84]

My 2 week old cries unless being held or in his pram.

My sister was up last week and spent the whole week holding him apart from at bedtime.

Can this have caused the issues I'm now having or am I being daft?!

MiscellaneousAssortment
100% agree with your post.

My DD was exactly as you describe your DS.... would scream as if being murdered if put down for the first 6-7 months. Would not sleep anywhere other than ON me! So I just gave her what she wanted.

At 2.5 years she is still high needs emotionally but fearcely independent!

OP - the science is clear that babies need their emotional needs to be met (which includes physical contact) to foster to correct neurological connections.

Different babies will have different theresholds as to what their emotional needs are. Some need to be held 24/7, some less so. Some can self settle from an early age with no trauma involved... some (like DD!) categorically cannot.

The first time she did 'drowsy but awake' she was 10 months old and I had an "aha! This is what people mean" moment. Before that she was either fighting sleep with every fiber of herself, or passed out from exhaustion! Just the way she's built.

But you categorically cannot spoil a 2 week old baby from cuddling them 'too much'

I picked up and held my baby as much and as often as I could (much to the disgust and muttered comments of my MIL who coughed up that old "spoiling him" routine). You know how much I regret that now? Not one tiny bit. I wish I could have squeezed in more cuddles. It is gone so very fast, and now I have a three year old who can't wait to squirm out of my arms and go do stuff all by himself. The nonsense you'll hear about making them dependent/needy? Absolute rubbish. You make someone insecure/needy by not being there for them when they need you. My DS has just decided this week that he's potty training himself. Apparently we're taking far too long about it. We're barely even allowed to assist. Yeah. Super not-independent, that one.

Nope cuddle away. However by dc 4 I couldn't cuddle as much as dc 1 as had so much other things to do.

All are totally affectionate well adjusted adults. Cuddle when you can but don't beat yourself up.

Depends on your child as many others have said.
My friends baby who is the same age spends alot of time in his bouncer watching TV and only cries when hungry.
My baby wants to be held and likes movement. He sleeps in the sling. If I put him down in the bouncer he would scream.

Some comments on this thread are hilarious in a laugh so you don't cry kinda way. Well done to trifle for muddling through it all.

Babies and parents are all different. What works for one,won't for the other..be that baby or mother. Baby wearing/holding/whatever u wanna call doesn't have to be 24/7, just like not baby wearing/holding/whatever you wanna call it doesn't mean leaving a baby alone in it's cot . Things like eating and using the toilet are actually urgent,just like feeling like a human being can be. No one can decide what is urgent or necessary for someone else. And regardless of how you do it, a crying baby doesn't mean they don't have their needs met,so take that comment and shove it where the sun don't shine.

I notice two posters saying how now their older child isn't as cuddly anymore. In contrast DD(5) is very cuddly,she asks for cuddles and she gets them. I ask for cuddles and i get them. I do enjoy these cuddles a lot more ,mainly because baby "cuddles" were not actually cuddles...it was just smth i had to do A LOT so she wouldn't be screaming or sleep or whatever.

I'm worried about everyone's backs

The thing is, how do you know your baby will not settle if you don't try to settle it?
Once your baby comes out of the newborn phase and is more aware of its surroundings, they are not going to take kindly to being put down if they are used to being held all the time.
Hence mum is convinced she has one of those babies who can't be put down when it might have been different if she had been firmer from the start.
I am still confused at the attitude that being unable to organise your time to do anything other than look after your baby is some kind of badge of honour.
My home is by no means a show home, but it does affect me when it's a mess, it makes me feel out of control and everything seems much harder.
And I will admit, if my toilet had not been cleaned for a month, I would without doubt leave a baby to scream the house down for the five minutes it took me to clean it.
Everybody in the family is of equal importance, and baby's needs can not come first all the time, surely?

Hence mum is convinced she has one of those babies who can't be put down when it might have been different if she had been firmer from the start.

And there speaks someone who has not had a screaming, refluxy, colicky, milk allergic, tongue tied, non sleeping, unputdownable baby

Cath baby's needs come first whilst it has the least capacity to cope. As it's ability to understand/wait improve, so it's priority status in the family can be reduced. If I get hungry I can fix that, or envision a time when it will be fixed, or simply endure if I must. A two year old can do this to a much lesser extent. A two week old absolutely cannot do those things at all.

And you don't think those of us with needy babies tried to put them down? Find alternatives that would make them happy? Tried literally everything in the book? Believe me, living life with a clingy baby is no fun and it gives you a LOT of motivation to find a fix. Months and months at home doing nothing but trying to get my hands free to do anything… For some babies though, there simply isn't one. Or, the fix is, hold/wear/carry them.

Absofriggingloootly? Absofrigginlootly.

DC2 wouldn't settle on anything but me. Until he was about 3 months old, then I could out him in his basket or carry cot awake and he would happily fall asleep. Until he was about 9 months old and had to be held. Until he was about 14 months old...

Basically, babies change all the blinking time. They learn and unlearn and relearn.

If you have a little baby, cuddle it. Use a sling. You can't spoil it with cuddles. No rods are being made for backs.

Maybe baby crying isn't such a terrible thing? Just putting it out there .....
The mantra that baby must never cry is a very new idea. I didn't even know that was received wisdom until someone told me on the sleep board.
All these babies from earlier generations who were allowed to cry - this affected them how exactly?

I dunno cath, maybe it impaired their ability to have empathy with a tiny, distressed, vulnerable baby.

Oh I see, you're talking about me.
I saw what you did there

I've got three kids and all were different as babies . First and third were very 'needy' and couldn't put down type of babies middle was a breeze but I was quite Gina ford with her. The sling thing is ok when they're tiny but it's a right hassle at times too. Especially when they get heavier. Things like going to the loo when you've got to unwrap the whole thing and still is no good for when you want time not connected to the baby - showering,bending down , evenings etc - BUT two weeks is really little ...the first 6 weeks are really relentless but then shd get easier ...i watched a lot of tv trapped under sleeping babies which I look back on with rose tinted glasses but it was tough too. The best days ever were when the baby's would fall asleep in The pram and stay asleep when we got home ( I used to walk up and down the street then park the pram in the hall and have a blissful hour unattached while they napped )

There's crying

And then there's THE END OF THE WORLD APOCALYPTIC IM GOING TO BE SICK EVERYWHERE AND SCREAM MY LUNGS UP AND TURN RED AND THEN BLUE AND STOP BREATHING crying

That was mine. It would escalate within minutes from unhappiness to screaming to absolute hysterics that took forever to soothe. When you've tried "not pandering to them" (thanks for that helpful advice, MIL) enough times and dealt with the exhausting, never-ending fallout enough times, you learn.

And there speaks someone who has not had a screaming, refluxy, colicky, milk allergic, tongue tied, non sleeping, unputdownable baby

There's that and there's "oh but ofc baby always comes first,and mine never cried because i always attended to her needs,and if you put them down it's because you prioritise dusting and ironing and you should love every frikking,shitty,vomiting,sleepless,screaming moment of it."

although all my babies were different t in their needs they ALL cried in the same way of screaming their heads off as described above - it's their only form of communication. I don't think any babies have worse cries than another though some cry for longer,more frequently . The crying is always most effective on the mum as well hence why relatives etc will tell you not to 'pander' to it because it won't sound as desperare to them.

I don't think any babies have worse cries than another though some cry for longer,more frequently

I used to run a baby clinic when I worked in HV. Before I had DD so was entirely objective with no axe to grind.

Some babies are louder than others and sound more 'desperate'. In fact I'm sure I read a leaflet from the organization CRY-SIS that talked about this, as mums of such babies are at an increased risk of PND

Conpletely agree with most of your posts trifle
Why is the stock answer always 'why don't you just put them in a sling?'
'Why don't you just wear them'?
Like that is always the answer!
Not everybody can/want to wear a sling

Op at 2 weeks old holding, carrying your baby is not spoling it
Don't worry though if you need to put him down to do things, toilet, cup of tea it's not going to harm him.

Thirtyrock what's this "unwrapping when you need a wee" that you speak of?!!
I've become a pro a peeing with an audience baby asleep in sling because I simply can't hold it anymore and daren't wake him, almost-2 year old unrolling the entire toilet roll and the cat watching from the door

The thing is, how do you know your baby will not settle if you don't try to settle it?

I tried everything short of black magic to settle mine, and I'd have tried that too if someone had given me a goat to sacrifice.

Is this your approach to people struggling with other aspects of parenting? "Hello, I'm still upset over my awful traumatic birth that ended in an EMCS." "But how do you know you couldn't have given birth easily if you didn't try?"

DS1 was the easiest, calmest baby on earth. He rarely cried aside from a 'meh' sound when hungry, slept like a dream and just got on with things. DS2 was a super-easy baby during the day but would only sleep on one of us. He would screech like a dying swan til we picked him up, so we gave in,he co-slept and was held for at least 80% of his first year.

They're both typically foolish, lovely DCs. I don't think it's physically possible to spoil a baby by giving it what it needs. DS2 wasn't crying because he was being a shit; he genuinely needed that contact. Why on earth would I deny him something he needed to be happy?