But can you spoil a baby by holding them?

[Missmac84]

My 2 week old cries unless being held or in his pram.

My sister was up last week and spent the whole week holding him apart from at bedtime.

Can this have caused the issues I'm now having or am I being daft?!

A sling will let you cuddle baby and get stuff done. Cuddles are the best part!!!

I think this whole thing about 'cuddles' places an intolerable amount of pressure on mothers to never put their babies down. 'Pop them in a sling' Hardly going to work when you're a short, plump lady who needs to reach into the sink to do the dishes, or bend down to put food in the oven or empty the drier or change bedding. It's great sometimes, but sometimes you need to be able to put your baby down to get something done. And they don't need to be held all the time, provided they are getting plenty of love and attention.

Agreed Trifle, along with the implication that you are heartless if you don't want to give your baby 'cuddles' all day long.
And don't get me started on being told to 'enjoy sleepy cuddles' when people post at the end of their tether because their baby won't sleep.
Being a slave to a baby who can't be put down is not enjoying cuddles, it's making life difficult for yourself in the long run.

Showmepotatosalad - why do people have to be so blunt and almost rude when replying. It takes a lot for people to admit that they're not always sure what they are doing. I don't need you to shoot me down with a rude reply.
Please think about how you come across to future mums as you have no idea what their circumstances are or how much they know.

My comment wasn't rude to you at all! I was speaking generally about people's expectations of young babies. I was trying to reassure you that you haven't spoiled your baby.

I don't understand the need for defensiveness at all.

cathf:

You're not wrong. My blood pressure goes up when I see people posting, "Enjoy it!" when people are posting, desperate for help and advice to allow them to fucking sleep - no, sleep deprivation is not enjoyable and the tidal wave of emotional blackmail really isn't helping.

You can't spoil a baby by holding them. You also can't ruin a baby by not holding them every single minute or every time they ask/cry. All babies are different,all parents are different. Just do what works and makes you and your baby happy.

Our parenting is so sterile nowadays though. All the rules and advice and completely unrealistic books and websites. We've survived millions of years following our instincts and prioritising the baby's needs. Now the baby is supposed to fit into our needs. It's the wrong way around.

I slept when my baby slept - because I had nobody else to take over as DH worked away - and screwed the housework.

Like I say, it's expectations that need adjusting.

Cuddles are the best part!!!

Wanted cuddles are the best part! There's nothing "best" about holding your baby while you wee with infected stitches because otherwise she will scream the house down and your OH needs to sleep.

Yeah, in the same way you spoil food by cooking it or beds by sleeping in them

Trifle I'm 5'3" and do all of those things - believe me, you get really good at squatting down to do things rather than leaning over!! Squatting a million times a day with 12lbs of baby on my chest definitely beats spending an hour in the gym squatting weights!

MyBreadIsEggy:

Right. Well, I am telling you I find it hard. So.

TittyGolightly:

'Screw the housework' is all very well until you have no clean mugs, the toilet is unhygienic, the bedding has baby vomit all over it and the fridge is talking to you. Personally, that would be quite likely to give me PND. I am not even that clean.

Mybread only if the mum wants to do that. Whichever side people are on...it's all about what the mum wants/can do and what makes her and baby happy.
Wanting to hold them 24/7 is fine. Not wanting to is also fine.
The extremes on either side are dangerous ofc, controlling,overbearing parents vs abusive,neglectful parents, but the ones smack dab in the middle,are just parenting as they see fit. And that is the right way.

I'm a child psychologist. You certainly can't 'spoil' a baby by holding them. It's important for the development of secure attachment to be responsive to a baby's needs, including that to be held.

Our loos get cleaned about once a month. I could manage that even with a newborn.

Showmeislands all the time,every time? Asking out of curiosity.

TittyGolightly:

Okay...

No you can't, and make sure too cherish every moment! Soon he/she won't want you anymore

(Sad unloved mummy of a independent 2yr old tyrant)

My 'baby' is now 12 months old and there are days when I've had him strapped on my back so I could make tea. Make of that what you will

Titty, I disagree, I think advice these days is too baby led, and - to me anyway - completely unrealistic. I don't understand why it is seen as a badge of honour that your house is a tip when you have a baby. I have one friend who is forever posting memes on fb along the lines of My Sink Is Full of Dishes but my Home is Full of Love, as if this somehow makes her a better mum than someone with a tidy house.
I think this constant drive to enjoy your baby puts such pressure on mums who actually would rather get on with things than sit 'enjoying cuddles' while the house disintegrates around them. For me, that would be a recipe for misery, but we're not allowed to say that nowadays.

too cherish every moment! god i hate this phrase. Nearly as much as "sleep when your baby sleeps".

It depends on balance
Mine were cuddles big time by grand parents for a few weeks and I had trouble with settling hem and nurse said ... ahh big cuddles with in laws
Babies should be cuddled and your priority is baby not house or anything
I have twins so it is manic
But as some one has posted be careful with sleeping but otherwise enjoy this time
Yes you won't get sleep but it such a precious time

You can leave your baby to cry whilst you make yourself a cup of tea.

I think advice these days is too baby led

Bloody babies, coming into the world completely incapable of looking after themselves. If looking after them properly* is too much effort how about a government sponsored scheme where they take them straight off to school from birth and give them back at 18 ready for life?

*i.e in their best interests rather than those of selfish adults,

I think this constant drive to enjoy your baby puts such pressure on mums who actually would rather get on with things than sit 'enjoying cuddles' while the house disintegrates around them.

My house hasn't disintegrated!!!!