Mansplaining

[Featherstickers]

Is it a thing? Or another media cliché?

I believe Dh is a huuuuuge mansplainer and I find it frustrating infuriating at times.

AIBU to ask if it's a real thing and how to cope with it to protect my sanity.

Ever had your mum cut you off in the middle of a sentence? Ever had a female in your family say something obvious to you in a condescending way? Women do it more! MEN AREN'T THE PROBLEM!

It's absolutely made up bullshit

BTW I'm not saying that the action doesn't happen but it's not man dominated I've seen many men do it to other men and many women do it to women and men.

Mine does this the worst one "text me the post code il put it on sat nav" ok il text it, but its really easy u go left and right and up the hill over the bridge to fetch a pale of fukin water!
Whilst hes texting me the bastard post code. And then at the end "if u get stuck.just ring me" IV GOT A FUKIN SATNAV U COCKGOBBLER....

Ever had your mum cut you off in the middle of a sentence?

Rarely, if ever. She was brought up not to.
This time.com/money/4450406/men-interrupt-talk-more/ is interesting on interrupting and who talks more. It links through to various other studies as well about men talking more and talking over women.

TheBossOfMe

Plus I don't believe women should be punished for choosing to have a baby.

It's not a punishment. DH took 2 years sabbatical when our son was born. He's happy he did but thinks it set him back 7 years or more in his career. He's in medicine and during those 2 years there was a huge leap in his field and it's one he didn't keep up with. His choice, his consequences.

I got pregnant when a head. When I went back to work (new school), I went in at a deputy level. I think I'd have walked into another headship without the time off but thing's change, skills get rusty etc. Besides which, once I was a mother, I couldn't dedicate as much time to my career for a while. I actively looked for jobs which would have less impact on a family life and declined an invitation to interview at for a better better paid post but a boarding school with more demands on my weekends.

Did all the others choose to have babies and take the mommy track? Did they fuck.

Well, they did if they had babies

Lweji

And ask yourself what "lifestyle choices" mean. Quite a few of these "choices" aren't real choices, but to enable men to have full time demanding careers and children.

They're choices unless in extreme, illegal situations. I'm not saying it's equal, I'm saying that you can chose to support your husband's career and be the main child carer or not and vice versa. Horses for courses, but it is a choice.

For which they aren't criticised, but women often are.

Are women, or is this an old wives tale? I've never heard a woman criticised for working and not having children.

Gabilan

This didn't seem to be about 'mansplaining' as much as simply interrupting.

"the difference wasn't because of gender but rather a function of personality"

"women are interrupted (by both genders) more than men"

"Women listen more and expect a certain intimacy, while men, by contrast, are more direct and speak in ways to "position themselves as one up"

"Another linguist found that the higher up someone is within a company, male or female, the more likely that person is to interrupt everyone."

and my favourite, bringing the pay gap myth discussion back on topic, "The results suggest that women don't advance in their careers beyond a certain point without learning to interrupt"

My take on your link, mansplaining is still sexist bollocks. You can be patronising, rude, condescending and interrupt someone. Adding 'man-' in front of it makes it sexist. Very ironic considering it's feminists who coined manspreading and manspreading.

This didn't seem to be about 'mansplaining' as much as simply interrupting.

Yes. It was in response to someone asking if your mother ever interrupted you.

Mars you're missing the point again. I'm not talking about career gaps that impact experience, or about women who choose to step onto the mommy track of part-time work or less demanding roles.

MarsInScorpio

Are women, or is this an old wives tale? I've never heard a woman criticised for working and not having children.

So because you've not experienced it, it can't have happened?

Back to the topic of the thread, I don't use the word 'mansplaining' much because I agree it's something that both sexes can be guilty of. But I do reserve it for those times when men try to explain things that they really shouldn't claim to know more about than women: e.g. unless you're a gynaecologist, don't even think about telling me about my own menstrual cycle!

My personal favourite was when my charming ex boyfriend told me that I couldn't have PMS because 'you should have grown out of that by now, sometimes teenage girls have it but by the time you're in your 20s it doesn't happen any more'

So because you've not experienced it, it can't have happened?

Is that the best you've got frieda. What is your response to "because you've experienced it, it's endemic"?

I'm simply saying that when plenty of women report having experienced something, it seems odd to me that someone would counter that with 'well I've never heard it' as if that means it can't be true. I haven't stated anything about my own experience one way or another.

Personally I don't think it always happens overtly, but I hear women being described as 'too career focused' a lot. Or women who say they don't want children getting a pat on the head and a knowing smile and being told 'oh, you'll change your mind, just don't leave it too long!'

I hear women being described as 'too career focused' a lot.

You hear the opposite on MN. Along the lines of "DH works hard... is now working Saturdays too and I want family time...."

"Or women who say they don't want children getting a pat on the head and a knowing smile and being told 'oh, you'll change your mind, just don't leave it too long!'"

The vast majority of people (either sex) want children. Women have a much smaller window and so can't leave it too long.

There are times when describing a behaviour as mansplaining helps everyone to understand the interaction quicker.

I saw an example of this yesterday evening. Was at an event with my cousin and her colleague who were both working there. All female. The 3 of us were chatting after and colleagues husband came along. We were chatting about various things politics current affairs and the like. Any time colleagues husband spoke it was either to completely cut across what one of us was saying or else to give us a basic definition of something we'd already been discussing in detail for some time already.
More striking however was that he kept waving his wine glass and cocktail sticks and the like around and almost stabbing his wife or hitting her with his glass in the face. She kept having to duck and swerve to avoid but he didn't even notice. I don't think it was just as he was a bit drunk as he didn't do it to anyone else. Just used to invading her personal space and she seemed to be used to having to avoid it but not say anything. Really bizarre.