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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel annoyed at the school?

70 replies

user1488540182 · 25/03/2017 06:55

I have twins, 5 year old boys who are currently in the same class. They are close but have lots of friends and are very popular.
Their teacher has indicated to.me yesterday that the boys may be in separate classes in September.
AIBU to feel annoyed by this...it's not as if they don't interact with other children. I remember when I was at school I had twins in my class and I was 9. I don't know if I'm being irrational, but the boys hate the idea.

OP posts:
Shurleyshummishtake · 25/03/2017 06:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MakeItRain · 25/03/2017 07:00

Yanbu. Where I work we go with the wishes of the parents, so sometimes twins are together and sometimes not. I would speak to the school about why you think this wouldn't work for your two.

Jumpolining · 25/03/2017 07:02

How many form entry is it? If it's only 2, it won't be very nice for the one who has to move, leaving his brother and all his friends? Or do they mix the classes every year? Ask them (the school) why. Speak with TAMBA if you're really not sure.

BelafonteRavenclaw · 25/03/2017 07:05

Yanbu. In DS' reception year there are 5 sets of twins. 3 are together, 2 have been split. All at the parents request.

Original poster
user1488540182 · 25/03/2017 07:07

The boys seem so upset by the idea. They do have friends and are popular. I have told them that they would still see one another at lunch and break time but I'm just thinking about the tears come September. I would think a child would feel the same way if they was spilt up from their best friend.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 25/03/2017 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SookiesSocks · 25/03/2017 07:07

My twins go to a small primary that has only 1 class per year so they have been in the same class since infants (now in year 5).
My DDs are very independant and sit on different tables and have different friends so I am not sure how much truth there is in the "split them up so they grow" argument.

My DDs are best friends and have a close relationship as most twins do so i cant agree its a good idea to split them. Why would you want to split friends up?

YANBU OP people who dont have twins or ard not twins dont understand.

Notso · 25/03/2017 07:13

What is the reason for it?

BoboBunnyH0p · 25/03/2017 07:14

In my DCS school they have a policy to split twins up, most parents are happy with this.

One friend was very happy as it helped her quieter twin to make her own friends instead of just tagging along with her sister.

Our school does some work in target groups, so if their school does similar they might find themselves in the same group throughout the school day.

angeldiver · 25/03/2017 07:15

I was split from my twin from day 1. Glad I was.
When we reached high school and took options, we were together for some lessons. Looking back, we were a massive pain in the arse for the teachers. Not being out and out naughty, just generally being twins.
All twins in my dc's school are split.

Brollsdolls · 25/03/2017 07:17

Are they mixing up the two classes completely?

mmgirish · 25/03/2017 07:18

I've never seen twins in the same class before. It's pretty common for them to be split up.

Waffles80 · 25/03/2017 07:19

The most up to date research on this suggests the best option for twins is to go with what they / their parents feel is best.

Ask for a meeting at the school to outline your preferences.

nettyhetty · 25/03/2017 07:19

I only know of one set of twins in our school that are split, and that was on the request of the parents. The default is together unless parents request otherwise.
Yanbu at all!! My twin siblings loved being in class together in primary school, then went to different secondary schools.

FreshHorizons · 25/03/2017 07:19

I think it a great idea to split twins- they will still spend a large part of the day together.

christinarossetti · 25/03/2017 07:19

I'm a twin, and I would say ask the teacher what the reasons for a possible split would be from their POV.

Twins and those close to them tend to develop set roles and ways of relating, which the school might feel is possibly less beneficial to one twin than the other.

Also, if one ' better' at things than the other, it can be a massive blow to confidence. Not so much at 5, but definitely as they get a bit older.

I agree that your views should be taken into account though, but I would ask the school for their reasons before made up my mind

wettunwindee · 25/03/2017 07:21

Class divisions are extremely complicated. There are lot of factors such as sex, ability, friendships, background, friendships and suitability of the follow year's teacher. We release class lists for the following year on the last day of term to avoid arguing with parents. We do give them a small questionnaire re. friendships and things and this is taken into account but not too much weight given to it.

It's common practice to split siblings: twins can become so close that they exclude others or have a very narrow friendship circle. It's healthier to spend time with a wider group of children and the fact you think they'll be upset in Spetember suggests that splitting them up may be for the best.

In my experience of twins, there's often a dominant one and when not in the same class, the less dominant flourishes.

There may well be no school policy as such and rather than being annoyed and moaning on an internet forum, speak to the teacher.

Waffles80 · 25/03/2017 07:22

But also listen to the teachers' points of view. They might have a different perspective on how your children interact at school.

Unless it's just an arbitrary school rule, do listen to their views to help guide your decision.

KateDaniels2 · 25/03/2017 07:22

Why do you want them together?

Looneytune253 · 25/03/2017 07:24

To be fair our school swaps kiddies round every single year. There's always at least one parent that is furious their kid isnt with their friends. They go marching up to the school and play holy hell but the school can't keep everyone happy so they don't budge. Maybe your twins need this, I doubt the school have done it just to be spiteful.

Megatherium · 25/03/2017 07:25

Are they going to reorganise the classes generally? Otherwise it seems bad luck on the one who has to move away from all his current friends.

thunderpunt · 25/03/2017 07:26

Sounds harsh, for the twins but also for,the parents, double class assemblies, double parents evenings etc, what a faff

Marmalady75 · 25/03/2017 07:29

I'm a teacher and any school I have worked in has left this decision up to the parent. We had triplets at one point and the mum wanted them all in the same class. It works well if the teacher has the sense to split them where possible (sitting a different tables etc). It can also be useful for the parents to organise things at home (homework, pie kit on the same day etc). I would ask the school why they want to do this now and how they intend to do the split. Get all the facts then decide how you want to proceed.

LindyHemming · 25/03/2017 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allfednonedead · 25/03/2017 07:41

Are you a member of Tamba? The Twin and Multiple Birth Association? Check out their website - it's got resources on how to approach this with schools. Their guidance is that schools should leave the final decision to the parents.