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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel annoyed at the school?

70 replies

user1488540182 · 25/03/2017 06:55

I have twins, 5 year old boys who are currently in the same class. They are close but have lots of friends and are very popular.
Their teacher has indicated to.me yesterday that the boys may be in separate classes in September.
AIBU to feel annoyed by this...it's not as if they don't interact with other children. I remember when I was at school I had twins in my class and I was 9. I don't know if I'm being irrational, but the boys hate the idea.

OP posts:

user1490123259 · 25/03/2017 07:42

be warned, I have known twins at secondary age who were still unable to sleep apart at 14. One could not go on a school trip unless both were going. etc.

Notso · 25/03/2017 07:42

That's what I thought Euphemia

VintagePerfumista · 25/03/2017 07:46

How have you approached it with the boys?

I agree that obviously you need to speak to the school and find out how much of a possibility it is, and what the school recommends/advocates.

I teach several pairs of twins and none are in the same class, decision presumably by the parents. Dd had twins in her class, again, presumably decision by the parents. I know most teachers believe that twins thrive as individuals when not together, but I can't comment as I've never had any together!

Pengweng · 25/03/2017 07:48

My Dts were split up as the school like twins to have different teachers so they get more individual attention. My two aren't particularly close. As in they have different interests and friends and don't do absolutely everything together so they have been fine. They are however in the same phonics group so see each other for that and lunch and break and can see each other if upset as their classes are right next door to each other. There is another set of twins who have found it difficult but it has been good for them as in nursery all they would do is sit together hugging all day long. Now they play with other friends.

If you think it's not the right decision for them then speak to the teacher now about their reasoning for the decision before class lists get decided and it becomes harder to change.

As for having to do different parents nights and assemblies they are different kids so would have those anyway just like someone with more than one kid in different years. Just because they are twins doesnt mean you get one bloody parents appointment fgs.

RainbowChasing · 25/03/2017 07:54

It depends on the type of twins they are. If they're independent of each other and can function without each other then they should be able to cope without being in the same class together but likewise if they are independent of each other there isn't necessarily a reason to separate them. If they rely heavily on each other or bicker like siblings do then I can see why the school would separate them.

I've taught many, many sets of twins over the years and there have been a few issues that I can think of that mean that if a school can separate them then they will:

if they rely too much on each other and shut everyone else out.
if they squabble or physically fight (like siblings do) and expect their relationship at home to be the same at school (and parents expecting teachers to give them extra lee way because they are siblings).
if one twin dominates the other twin

I would have a meeting with the school and determine why they think your boys should be in separate classes. They may bring something to your attention that you hadn't thought of and which would benefit them both individually if they were separated.

BeaderBird · 25/03/2017 07:56

YABU. This is standard and appropriate. I'm unsure why you can't see the benefits here. Seems like you want them to continue to be reliant on each other - which they obviously are.

WelliesAndPyjamas · 25/03/2017 07:58

Are they being split in to two different year 1 classes? There can be advantages to this, as PPs have said. Best thing is a calm detailed chat with the teacher(s) to understand the reasons. The decision won't be final at this point in the year anyway, so there's still time for everyone to be clear on the pros and cons of each choice.

ceeveebee · 25/03/2017 08:02

Are they mixing the whole classes up? If they aren't then it's very unfair to move one away from their friends.
I have b/g twins in reception, the school recommended that we separate them and we agreed, but if we hadn't then they would have kept them together. But they are then in the same class from reception until year 6.

Corneliusmurphy · 25/03/2017 08:03

My twins were split just out of nursery, I was quite happy with this as they have a tendency to let the other take care of the things they're not keen on (one is a lot more chatty for example)
The classes at their school were interlinked so there were times when they could mix and they see each other at lunch and break time - the other twins in their year have no interest in this and tend not play together.
I like the arrangement tbh, i have had a lot of people who treat them as one entity and don't even try to learn who's who, they're not identical but similar and nothing alike personality wise - but you have to make the effort.
In your case I would want to make sure everyone is being rearranged and they're both keeping friends.

ceeveebee · 25/03/2017 08:04

double class assemblies, double parents evenings etc, what a faff

They are two separate children just like any other siblings?

WelliesAndPyjamas · 25/03/2017 08:07

I don't know if this is the case for you, OP, but some smaller schools (with mixed year groups) sometimes split the Year 1 children between Foundation and KS1 because it very much benefits some children to continue being educated in the more active, play-based curriculum for an extra year. Each little individual develops and matures at a different pace so it isn't a bad thing. It's for their long term benefit, so it might be worth viewing it in that context, rather than focusing primarily on relationships which still exist outside of the classroom, and which will always exist.

Corneliusmurphy · 25/03/2017 08:09

Oh in our school they'll stay in these classes till year 5/6.

KittyVonCatsington · 25/03/2017 08:10

I currently have a set of twins in my Year 10 GCSE class and another set in my Year 11 class that have both refused to be split up from all classes and Form groups from the word go (both boys but that doesn't make a difference)
To the point that both sets of twins only chose GCSE subject options that were ok as long as they were together, rather than what is best for them individually. One of the Year 10 twins is severely struggling in my subject (not achieving above 1s and 2s) but the parents say that is ok, "as long as they are together".

Obviously they are much older than yours and it is totally your right to have them in the same class together but it might be worth thinking about what you're going to do in the future to prevent the above from occurring to your ones. It may well be the school is meaning well but they need to have a discussion with you, rather than make the choice for you.

Trifleorbust · 25/03/2017 08:11

I'd want to know the rationale but I wouldn't assume the reasons were poor until I knew what they were.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 25/03/2017 08:13

To the PP who said it was *standard8 other PPs in education have revealed it aboslutley isn't.

I am responsible for school transfer of much older children ( 13) and had six sets of twins in my last lot. We asked about the preferences of very single one! Because these were older children we asked the children themselves and their feeder schools but the feeder school were always aware of parental wishes. Generally, the response was ' we're not bothered' but a few request to be together, at least in a form class - and we would follow those wishes.

However, we now have a new senior leader who wanted the classes all completely generated by statistical geeks so I guess the idea of preferences stopped for all children. If that's a generalised policy, then fair enough but if a school just decides it is better for twins to be split, there are no educational grounds for this, unless they disrupt or distract each other.

FreshHorizons · 25/03/2017 08:14

I would think that double parents evenings, assemblies etc were a huge advantage as seen as individuals. You have that with any other siblings.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 25/03/2017 08:16

And I went to uni with two sets of identical twins, who did the same course and shared accommodation throughout. Two of them actually then got the same type of job in the same firm after uni. It's not something non twins relate to I guess, but they were all highly happy and successful.

Sadly, the boy twins were both killed in the Twin Towers :(

egosumquisum1 · 25/03/2017 08:16

DF had a twin brother. Great advantage when you get older as you can get each other into trouble or get each other out of trouble. Some of the stories they told

Not helpful for you though.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 25/03/2017 08:17

Just realised the horrific irony of the 'twin' towers. That was not at all meant to sound facetious.

Witchend · 25/03/2017 08:37

Most schools round here split twins.

doublesnap · 25/03/2017 08:41

Just realised the horrific irony of the 'twin' towers. That was not at all meant to sound facetious.

It didn't, you were just using the name that the WTC was commonly known by.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 25/03/2017 08:45

In my form at school there were 2.5 sets of twins. One had been split from his sister all the way through from primary as they tended to bicker. Another set of brothers had a pleasant mix of being friends in a balanced way but developing as individuals too. They're still close as adults, but in a normal sibling way. The other set really should have been split. They were both timid and shy at the start of y7. As he got older and developed, she clung on. She chose similar GCSEs and A-levels so there was a large overlap in timetables, also there was an overlap in setting. She struggled as she'd set herself up in subjects where he had a lot of natural aptitude that she couldn't match which further eroded her self esteem. There was another pair of twins split between the A and B timetables so they couldn't be set together until GCSEs.

Different things suit different children. Talk to the school about it. Are other children being mixed? If the children have a balanced relationship and no one else is moving, that is likely to be distressing. If other children are being mixed, and one needs more independence, that is more beneficial.

about generating the classes solely on data. Pastoral issues are so important in developing classes that learn successfully together. I was switched classes at the last moment due to a sudden death of a close family member, so that I had the support of close friends from juniors immediately. Plus the usual range of baggage from juniors that needs to bebe considered.

Astro55 · 25/03/2017 08:49

I have twins and they were split because I wanted them treated as individuals and make their own friends

You keep saying they are 'popular' as it's it's a real selling point - they are five all kids are popular at 5 as they have no set friendship groups

I have also seen twins rely heavily on one another - even if you don't see it!

Mine have different abilities and one does better then then other it really knocks their confidence!

Original poster

user1488540182 · 25/03/2017 08:58

Megatherium. Good point, I don't know if the rest of the class will be split.
wettunwindee, as I was told this after school by the teacher on Friday I'm mulling over the information, I'm quite in my rights thank you very much to " feel annoyed and moan on a Internet forum". 😊 it is my intention to speak to the teacher on Monday.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 25/03/2017 09:14

If the whole class are being mixed I think it is generally fine. If just one moved then it fine unless there is a very specific need. Wouldn't be fine to just move one child from a preestablished class though unless, as said, a very specific requirement.

I've taught several sets of twins at infant age. Some together and some apart, as per parent wishes. Have to say that - purely through my own experience of maybe a dozen sets of twins in last few years - the more confident in he selves tend to be those not together in the same class. Those together tend to rely on one another for social interaction and support rather than having their own individual friendships. They more often were treated as 'one' by other children and their parents in terms of play dates and parties etc too. Obviously this is just a very smalll number of twins and purely observational not scientific.

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