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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel annoyed at the school?

70 replies

user1488540182 · 25/03/2017 06:55

I have twins, 5 year old boys who are currently in the same class. They are close but have lots of friends and are very popular.
Their teacher has indicated to.me yesterday that the boys may be in separate classes in September.
AIBU to feel annoyed by this...it's not as if they don't interact with other children. I remember when I was at school I had twins in my class and I was 9. I don't know if I'm being irrational, but the boys hate the idea.

OP posts:
cunningartificer · 25/03/2017 09:24

If they weren't twins but just best friends would you feel the same about the split? Just that it could become a pressure to stay together in the future... but I agree, see if the whole class is being mixed around as that will make a big difference. Twin friends of mine in a similar situation just took turns in the alternate classes. It was some time before they were found out! 😃

Whatdoesaturkeydo · 25/03/2017 09:39

I had typed a very long reply but decided to condense

A twin relationship is in NO WAY comparable to a close friendship
An identical twin bond is even closer - they are two halves of the one person right down to the core

to be crystal clear identical twins come from the one egg that separates in half during the first 8 days of growth.

Scientists haven't even begun to understand the depth of this bond so please to do not trivialise something you have no understanding of.

To the OP no one knows your children better than you - go with what you think and talk with them - as before brilliant information on TAMBA

Astro55 · 25/03/2017 09:42

A twin relationship is in NO WAY comparable to a close friendship

Utter crap!! With knobs on!

user1490123259 · 25/03/2017 10:00

whatdoesaturkeydo

What a load of rubbish! There is nothing mystical or woo about twins, they are simply clones nothing more. Your post sounds very attention seeking - if its that important to you then you are obviously failing to realise the importance of other aspects of your identity. Being a twin is just one tiny aspect of someone.

SookiesSocks · 25/03/2017 10:04

I have identical twins 30 yo and none identical twins aged 10 and I agree with What the bond the 30 yo have is much more than best friends. They cant really explain it but its there.
The 10 yo are close very close but not like the older ones.
I dont know if its mystical but I can say there is a difference.

Astro55 · 25/03/2017 10:04

you are obviously failing to realise the importance of other aspects of your identity

Yes! Twins are individuals - they learn at a different rate have different interests reach milestones at different times!

Unless the parents insist they wear the same - have the same friends - go to the same parties - have one joint party - so that being 'A twin' is so much more than 'a small part of who they are'

MrsTwix · 25/03/2017 10:18

My view is that it's better for them to be spilt so they get to spend some time apart and and develop their own friends and personalities. Some twins get treated as if they are 1 person not 2 and one of them will often suffer from that. They are together all the rest of the time. It's important for them both to realise that they can cope alone if they have to.

Whatdoesaturkeydo · 25/03/2017 10:24

I do not dress my girls alike

I've seen their bond but they do not spend 24/7 together one plays football competitively with her brothers the other is into highland dancing.

One like cats and all things cats on her clothes
The other likes pink and flowers but not dresses

I allow them to be them

I did not say it was woo or mystic but there are plenty of scientific papers out there if you want to bother trying to understand and educate your self Smile

lalalalyra · 25/03/2017 10:24

I wouldn't be impressed that it was being done without any discussion, and I would have serious issues with it if others weren't moving as well. Sending one to an entirely new group just because she's a twin without any other reason is like punishing a child for being a twin.

Mine were split and in the same class at various different points because their HT swaps classss around a fair bit (they have a 60 intake and 2 classes). I liked the fact that she refused to allow they were a twin to be a criteria in a move. It was academic related, friendship groups and all of the same criteria the other children were based on.

my2bundles · 25/03/2017 10:25

I would trust the school are making the decision based on observations in class, they same way they do for every other child in the class. Also the comment about having to attend separate assembly's, parents evenings etc. This is what every other parent with more than one child has to do, why should parents of twins get some kind of priority pass to avoid this when no other parent of more than one can?

thunderpunt · 25/03/2017 10:31

Duh....yes you're right got about the double parents evening, assemblies comment, same as having siblings - what a wally - sorry!

Ghanagirl · 25/03/2017 10:57

ILikeBeansWithKetchup
The twins who died in WTC were they black?
Reason I'm asking is when my two were babies a lady approached me to admire them I was complaining that it was exhausting she then introduced me to her teenage grandson and said his dad and uncle were twins and she's lost them both, I still occasionally think about her.
Sorry to derail post and just to add my b/g twins were separated against my wishes but I realise now it was the right choice for them.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 25/03/2017 11:05

Ghana - no, they weren't. They were the whitest people you've ever seen :)

Sad story you told there :(

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 25/03/2017 11:10

double

about generating the classes solely on data. Pastoral issues are so important in developing classes that learn successfully together. I was switched classes at the last moment due to a sudden death of a close family member, so that I had the support of close friends from juniors immediately. Plus the usual range of baggage from juniors that needs to be considered.

I know : I agree. My line manager is ultra data driven. Not a pastoral bone in her body.

However, we now have 430 in our year groups so it was becoming too onerous to listen to all requests and the whole friendship group thing had become crazy. Feeder school advice about bad combinations is sill sought I believe (and I would still make the effort to find out about twins and just not let the line manager know..)

Taytotots · 25/03/2017 11:19

YANBU. Best practice is for the school to discuss class placement with parents. TAMBA has guidance on challenging blanket policies (if there is one). www.tamba.org.uk/Parenting/Primary/Separation. Some sets of twins will do better separately and some together but it is something for parents and teachers to decide together.
To those above that have said a twin relationship is no different to best friends, I'm sorry but that is a load of rubbish and i can only presume you don't have twins and have no close experience with any.

cunningartificer · 25/03/2017 13:19

Gosh, whatdoesaturkeydo, I am well aware of the mechanics of identical twin conception, but frankly a bit concerned that this biological fact means they would be seen by anyone as "two halves of the one person right down to the core".

In my experience being thought of as half a person is a pretty damaging concept. Having identical DNA does not mean you have to be seen as two halves of a whole.

user1490123259 · 25/03/2017 13:27

I did not say it was woo or mystic but there are plenty of scientific papers out there if you want to bother trying to understand and educate your self

I can guarantee you won't be able to name one of any repute.

harleysmammy · 25/03/2017 13:30

When i was in school, i knew 3 twins and none of them were in the same class - or "half of the year" as it was in my comp. i think its so they're not constantly together and separating them early is better than when they go to comp and find out that they arent together in sets. But they are your kids its up to you not the school x

Brollsdolls · 25/03/2017 15:48

I doubt they will just be moving one twin out of the class - that would be unfair.
On Monday, ask if the classes are both being mixed up and the reason why they feel the twins should be split.
I would have thought you could appeal his decision if you feel it is the best for your twins.

Brollsdolls · 25/03/2017 15:48

*this, not his

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