childcare for labour- Aibu to be upset?

[hibbledobble]

Dc3 is due imminently.

Sadly both sets of grandparents have booked holidays around my due date. Either side of it, but it means at least one set will miss the birth. They booked these while I was pregnant, and had been told the due date (but apparently they 'forgot').

I'm worried that if I can't reach the set who are still here, what I'm going to do. I don't really have any friends I can ask, apart from one, who has kindly agreed but has her own dc.

I'm worried as dc2 labour was quick, so we will need to get to the hospital quickly. For various reasons a home birth is not an option.

[BipBippadotta]

OP, my sense is you're feeling anxious and overwhelmed about the impending birth, and this is spreading into other areas and making everything seem a bit scary and hurtful (I say this as someone also due imminently, so I hope I'm not coming across as patronising). It's really hard not to be able to predict exactly what's going to happen - but it sounds like you've done your best with your friend and both sets of grandparents to ensure that your dc are looked after. Good luck.

[hibbledobble]

coco what an unsupportive and vile post. What I thought would happen was that our au pair would babysit, but she found a boyfriend and left.

Failing that I had hoped that grandparents would help, which they have previously offered to, then told me they are going on holiday.

[Witchend]

You'll have one set of grandparents, and a friend, that's going to be fine.

[Universitychallenging]

Hang on.

If the grandparents thought you had it sorted and the au pair was in place to do childcare then they're not at all unreasonable to have booked a holiday.

[JennyOnAPlate]

I can understand why you're upset, but I do think you're being a bit unreasonable.

Can't your partner be with the other children if the grandparents can't? I gave birth to dd2 without dh there because we had no one to watch dd1. It was actually fine.

[PeachPants]

OP - DO YOU HAVE A DH?????

[NerrSnerr]

I really don't see your issue at all. You have two initial options (grandparents and friends), if they're not immediately available you need to head up to the hospital while your partner stays with the children until he can get hold of them and then he can follow you up. I really can't see how this is an issue (and is surely what everyone else does).

I wonder if your issues is that both sets of grandparents didn't immediately drop everything and cancel their plans for you. I don't see why both sets need to be available?

[Starlight2345]

This is the second similar thread I have read this week..Though the other poster really was struggling completely..

Remember it wasn't so long ago men weren't even in labour rooms and while it is nice a midwife is the one person you want there.

[mouldycheesefan]

You have a set of grandparents available at any one time plus a friend.
I'm not seeing issue.

[Beansonapost]

Try having a baby in a country with only your DH and DD.

I had a c-section today... my DH had to ask a work colleague to babysit for us which she thankfully did. He did not want me to be in surgery on my own.

But the reality is it could have happened that way and there's nothing we could have done.


YABU... people cannot put their lives on hold because of your needs/wants. You have access to one set of GParents and a friend who has offered assistance. The time you take to consider all this unreasonable you would look at a third possible option. Get off your entitled arse and find a solution to your dilemma...


And as PP have asked... where is your partner in all this?

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

Having one set of GPs and a friend available locally is a much better position than that which a lot of people find themselves in.

Most people don't have 100% watertight childcare arrangements for labour. No-one is available at the drop of a hat 24/7 for weeks at a time. It is nerve wracking - I'm due with DC2 and I have spent more time worrying about this than any aspect of childbirth.

[CocoLoco87]

How is my post 'vile'?! You didn't mention an au pair in your original post.

The reasons they are in contactable sometimes is for religious reasons, and nothing I say/do will change this. The are other times too, they don't believe in mobile phones either.

and all I meant to ask was, with this in mind, what did you think would happen. Like I said, you didn't mention an au pair initially. It was an honest question, I certainly didn't mean to be 'vile'. Do you have neighbours you can ask to help?

[AllTheGlitters]

I don't really think there is any need to be quite so harsh... The OP is heavily pregnant and clearly just worried, and I think in many people's lives, where grandparents are available, it is perfectly normal to ask and expect them to be a support during the birth of another child - I'm pregnant now, and my mum will certainly be watching my toddler while I'm in labour, because I couldn't imagine giving birth alone, with no support (from my partner). So even though they don't have to help her, I wouldn't say she is being incredibly unreasonable to expect them to be available for this. And just because you have been through worse doesn't mean it's fair to slate the OP for being worried - how many of us would choose to give birth without anyone there?

OP, I know it's worrying to have the holiday's booked around your due date but it's very unlikely that there will be no-one there to look after your other DC, you seem to have all bases covered to me! If you need to, talk to your friend again and re-iterate that you're very grateful for her offer to help, as Plan A (au pair) and possibly Plan B (grandparents) isn't working out and you'd be stuck without her! I'm sure she'll get the message. Good luck with the birth

[Universitychallenging]

You have options. I don't get the drama. You have loads of options.

What about your dp!?

[NerrSnerr]

You have support from grandparents- they are on holiday at different times! What do you want from them? You have plan a. Grandparents, plan b. Friend and plan c. Husband. Don't you see that's more than lots and lots of people?

Genuinely what do you want from them? Cancel holidays? Both sets come to your house now and wait so they're ready and waiting?

[hibbledobble]

coco your post sounded vile as you implied I was irresponsible to conceive in this situation. I didn't mention the au pair initially as I didn't consider it relevant : she hasn't been here for months.

I don't have any neighbours I can ask sadly.

[habibihabibi]

Pay a nanny to sit the kids or a doula to be with you.
Thousands of women actually birth alone, no midwife, doctors or nurse.

[Wishiwasmoiradingle2017]

I agree nobody is entitled to childcare from gps or anyone else but the gp own dc are having a baby - their gc. . Isn't the love you have for them worth a small inconvenience to your life to ensure they aren't stressed during the actual birth and supporting them for a safe delivery of your own flesh and blood??! No way would I let them refer to themselves as gps at all if they were on bloody holiday while I was in a state that they just could have prevented. ...

[AllTheGlitters]

It's kind of irrelevant to point out that lots of women have to give birth alone... It's far from ideal and highlighting the hardships of others to make the OP feel guilty about her "first world problem" isn't really fair. Fine if you think she's being silly/dramatic/whatever but that's such an unfair argument. Would you want to give birth without a supportive birth partner or even a doctor? No. And you wouldn't in anyone's eyes be unreasonable for that.

[expatinscotland]

You are creating drama where there is no need and seem fixated on making both sets of GPs are villains because they dared to have lives not centred round their grandchildren. Okay, so you talked to your friend, who is also uncontactable at times? Then you're going to have to suck it up, if you can't find anyone or pay anyone to look after your other two, your partner will have to do it and you'll need to go to hospital on your own. It's probably best to prepare yourself for this possibility since from what you post it's just impossible for any solution to be found.

Maybe they scheduled holidays because they were tired of their drama llama daughter/son's partner.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Not sure why you are calling posters bitches or being nasty towards people just because you don't agree with what they are saying.

You have options, your friend has said they will help. You can't expect people to be contactable 24/7.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

No way would I let them refer to themselves as gps at all if they were on bloody holiday while I was in a state that they just could have prevented

Nice

[expatinscotland]

Nothing 'unfair' about it, All, and it's not an argument, it's reality for a great many people. The OP is the one calling people a bitch, vile, etc. Is it any wonder she doesn't have a lot of people willing to look after the kids?

[Universitychallenging]

You are seriously making a drama out of nothing. You have

Two sets of grandparents

Friend

Partner

That's 6 separate people.