childcare for labour- Aibu to be upset?

[hibbledobble]

Dc3 is due imminently.

Sadly both sets of grandparents have booked holidays around my due date. Either side of it, but it means at least one set will miss the birth. They booked these while I was pregnant, and had been told the due date (but apparently they 'forgot').

I'm worried that if I can't reach the set who are still here, what I'm going to do. I don't really have any friends I can ask, apart from one, who has kindly agreed but has her own dc.

I'm worried as dc2 labour was quick, so we will need to get to the hospital quickly. For various reasons a home birth is not an option.

[dustarr73]

Well op the way I look at it when there old and infirm you go on holiday and see how they like that.

[saoirse31]

Another one here who gave birth in hospital with no partner etc there, was completely fine. As another poster said, why can't ur partner mind kids. If u dont have partner then surely you can ask neighbours or friends to watch them ? How old r ur other kids? Surely you've made friends from toddler grps, school etc?

[Farandole]

OP I'm sorry to say you sound terribly entitled. My and DH's DPs all live on different continents, yet somehow we managed to have two DCs without any drama and no GPs in sight for months afterwards.

So GPs' lives don't revolve around you. How is that even a big deal? Book babysitting. Book a nanny. Enlist your friend. Enlist your DH. Enlist the GPs who are around, since their holidays don't overlap.

Honestly, your post is a bit annoying to a lot of people who have it a lot harder than you - whether through bereavement, displacement, immigration, lack of resources or social network.

[blaeberry]

Not rtft, but why is it so unreasonable to ask GP who live nearby to 'put their life on hold' for a month in case you go into labour? What has happened to the idea of supporting family? You are hardly expecting them to sit in the house waiting for the landline to ring at any second. Most people have mobile phones or you could buy them one. In most labours they would have a couple of hours or more to finish their meal, get themselves organised etc, or drive the hour or so back from a day out at a leisurely pace. Hardly really putting life on hold! Equally, if the parents are frail then I would expect their children to support them (unless there has been some reason for a family split). It is sad that this seems to be considered unreasonable.

[blaeberry]

For what it's worth, we asked a number of friends/neighbours as GP live hundreds of miles away. Fortunately both times the first one we asked was available though the second time they also hand to wait in our house for a delivery!

[NerrSnerr]

Blae it seems unreasonable to expect both sets of grandparents to cancel holidays even though the holidays do not clash so there will always be one set there to help.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Not rtft

Well maybe you should

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

Get off your entitled arse and find a solution to your dilemma...biscuit

Fucking hell. It's no wonder that OP is getting a bit defensive with nasty comments like that. No need at all.

Honestly, your post is a bit annoying to a lot of people who have it a lot harder than you

There is always somebody who has it harder. If we didn't ever express our own concerns out of fear for offending those who have it worse, then Mumsnet probably wouldn't exist.

The tone of the replies on here has been shocking. Really not the best that MN has to offer, that's for sure. What a shame that all the people who have given birth alone or without their DP couldn't have been supportive and let OP know that, even in on the off chance that this does happen, there is nothing to worry about and it's doable. Instead of shouting her down and beating her over the head with her (perfectly forgiveable) anxiety.

FWIW OP, I think your original question about your DPs and PILs going away completely depends on family dynamics. Obviously from the replies here there are a lot of people who wouldn't expect help to be forthcoming from their families. Clearly that's their norm. It's not mine. We have our fair share of family drama and problems, but in this situation I know I could count on my DM to help me. As I would help her if she needed me. It's just the way we work. She is also the type to be chomping at the bit to visit her GC. That's just who she is. So if she disappeared on holiday on my due date then I would be hurt because it's just so far away from the norm within our relationship. I can see why people don't get this if it's not the way their family operates but that doesn't make you entitled or selfish as people have said.

[Amyaa]

There's a company called speedy childcare. If you need childcare last minutes you can call and arrange someone to look after your child. It's good in cases of emergency.

[Universitychallenging]

I am normally at work full time. (Currently off sick). I couldn't help or be on standby for 5 weeks. I suppose that makes me a shit potential grandparent to some on here then.

[kimann]

Maybe you're hisband will just have to stay home and look after the kids OP.good luck

[ZebraFeet]

The tone of the replies on here has been shocking

Well, I found the tone of the OP extremely self-centred and self-regarding. There was an expectation that her parents & PiL would drop everything because she's giving birth. And that this should be their main priority.

So in my case, my "tone" was in response to the rather demanding expectation of the OP.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

The tone of the replies on here has been shocking. Really not the best that MN has to offer, that's for sure

Well the OP calling someone 'a bitch' who has today had a c section on their own, probably isn't the best look either

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

Zebra she's pregnant and just feeling a bit anxious about what's coming. No need for the horrible comments she's had. It's not as if she's expecting any of us to go and babysit for her. I think people forget that when they type on here, they are actually talking to a real person. I bet none of the nastiness would have happened in a real life conversation.

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

Piglet that poster had actually left quite a nasty comment hadn't she? Six of one and half a dozen of the other there.

[mirime]

Can't believe uou have two older children yet say only have one friend who could have them

Why is that unbelievable? My DS is nearly 4, I don't know any of the mums at his nursery because I work full time and my parents drop him off and pick him up. I have no friends in the area where I live, I don't know the neighbours.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Piglet that poster had actually left quite a nasty comment hadn't she? Six of one and half a dozen of the other there.

They didn't call the OP a bitch, so no I disagree.

I bet none of the nastiness would have happened in a real life conversation.

Actually I would have said they are being completely unrealistic.

[RainbowsAndUnicorn]

Grandparents can't win, how many posts do we see banning them for two weeks after the birth or expecting them to put their lives on hold to be at the beck and call of parents who don't want to pay for babysitters.

Your DH can care if your friend can't for any reason.

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

Telling someone that you think their expectations are unrealistic is not the same as being abusive piglet. This thread has just been a bit horrible and "playground". People have jumped all over OP and then when she very predictably lashed out they've accused her of being the abusive one.

[AllTheGlitters]

Bluebird

Completely agree, and some posters are being quite petulant still. Just because someone has given birth recently doesn't mean telling someone to "get off their entitled arse" is any less of a twattish thing to say.

[ZebraFeet]

Bluebird what I get from the OP's posts is that she doesn't like her parents/in laws that much. She's dismissive of their religious observances, and thinks that because they want to go on holidays (ie have their own lives) they're not good grandparents - that's what I read in the tone of her posts.

She sounds quite down, and as you say, anxious. But she's making herself anxious by expecting everyone else to revolve around her.

And no mention of her partner? Is he incapable of parenting his own children?

[blaeberry]

Oops. Muddled this with a previous similar thread. I do think GP should help but if between them you are covered for childcare then I can't see the problem,

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

Zebra maybe there's a back story with the partner. No mention of him. But if he is around, then ideally he should be with OP. It's probably not about his ability to parent his children. It's more about an inability to split himself in two and be with the DC and with OP. It's not exactly ideal to do it by yourself. Presumably if there's no other option then that's just what will have to happen.

I just don't think it's awful to expect to be your parents' priority for one day when you give birth. It's one day (or two or three or however many children you have) out of their whole lives to provide some support and be excited and all the rest of it. Is it really so dreadful to want that?

[Farandole]

Bluebird, I think there is nothing wrong with giving the OP a reality check here. She has at least one SET of GPs, plus her DH, plus one friend available to help around the birth. That's five adults for three children. And that's before she has even considered paid childcare options. Is she expecting an actual village?

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

Totally agree, farandole. There's nothing wrong with a reality check. But that's not the same as being rude or nasty.