childcare for labour- Aibu to be upset?

[hibbledobble]

Dc3 is due imminently.

Sadly both sets of grandparents have booked holidays around my due date. Either side of it, but it means at least one set will miss the birth. They booked these while I was pregnant, and had been told the due date (but apparently they 'forgot').

I'm worried that if I can't reach the set who are still here, what I'm going to do. I don't really have any friends I can ask, apart from one, who has kindly agreed but has her own dc.

I'm worried as dc2 labour was quick, so we will need to get to the hospital quickly. For various reasons a home birth is not an option.

[MrsNuckyThompson]

I can't believe you expect grandparents to put their lives on hold for the birth of your baby!!

[Universitychallenging]

In a state that they could have prevented???!!

What the fuxk does the op and her partners cintraception have to do with the grandparents?

[Blondeshavemorefun]

You have a set of gp and a friend who has offered. Plus dp tho understand you want him with you

How old are dc1&2?

Can't believe uou have two older children yet say only have one friend who could have them

Surely you must see mums at pre school or school
And who would have your dc. Unless they are literally 1&2yr old

Gps are not at the beck and call of their children / yes slightly weird that arranged s month holiday but really doesn't matter if they don't meet new baby for a few weeks

[Theresnonamesleft]

Wow. I get you are stressed but there's no need at all to call people vile and bitch. That's nasty.
Suck it up and if it comes your your partner will have to stay at home. People have lives.

[AllTheGlitters]

I'm not necessarily commenting on whether the OP is or is not BU, it's just that particular logic that is banded about gets to me a bit. The whole point I was making was yes it is reality for some women, but that doesn't mean that no one is allowed to be worried/anxious/upset about anything but the very worst case scenario, and so we shouldn't make women, whether they are reasonable or unreasonable, feel guilty specifically by saying "some people have it worse than you so stop being ungrateful for your circumstances" - I would be devastated if I had to give birth without my partner, and terrified if I had to do it without a doctor!

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

You do seem to want/expect rather a lot of people to drop everything and be on standby. I'm with NerrSnerr. What exactly are you expecting?

I had dc2 alone as dh was with dc1 (outside the room, as it happened, as everything happened much more quickly than we had thought). With dc3 we were extremely lucky in that a friend took the older two, but we would never have EXPECTED it.

Bit of a more general point, in view of the things OP has called people: I'm noticing a trend lately for OPs who don't like responses they get to call people 'unsupportive' (or 'unhelpful', that's another one). I wish people would get that the point of this place isn't to be surrounded by unconditionally sympathetic yes-women. There are other sites for that.

All that said, OP, good luck with the birth, and I hope everything happens as planned/as you want.

[expatinscotland]

How's it making them feel guilty? It's just stating a fact. If someone choses to take away emotions of guilt from that, that's their lookout.

'I would be devastated if I had to give birth without my partner, and terrified if I had to do it without a doctor!'

Well, then, that would be you devastated if you had no other option but to do just that . And why a doctor? Qualified midwives not enough?

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

I'm worried that if my friend isn't available then I'm pretty screwed

it will be fine, you are not the fast opr the last- worse case scenario have labour solo, The midwives will be lovely and it will be so FAST and then DH comes later with the kids

the most important thing is you have a baby, if he has to miss it its for good reasons (looking after the others) - so be it


try not to make him missing it be a tragedy as that wont help

and def ask your friends, as a Plan B is it happen at a normal hour

these things often work themselves out

[sticklebrix]

OP are you used to having emergency help available when you need it? If you are, you might not realise that your situation sounds quite manageable to anyone with no support at all.

Can I gently suggest that you owe Beansonapost an apology? She has had a baby - today - in a foreign country. Via C section. A random colleague babysat her DC1. She has no wider family support at all. Can you imagine how isolating this is and how vulnerable she must feel? I am willing to bet that she is not feeling her best at the moment and that this might have affected the tone of her post. There was no need to call her names. Congrats by the way, Beans.

You have two reasonable options. If they don't work out, your DH and the DC will drive you to hospital and then return home. It's certainly not ideal and I can understand why you feel sad and frustrated, but you will cope.

Take a deep breath and don't let it spoil the end of your pregnancy.

[daisypond]

I think it's odd to rely on GPs for a birth, which has no predictable timescale. In my case, both sets lived hundreds of miles away, so that was never going to work for me. You have one set of GPs, a DH, a friend. That's loads. We used our childminder, who was happy to be on call - she was paid, of course, extra.

[AllTheGlitters]

I don't really understand why you are taking so much offence to my post. I don't think it was just stating a fact, given the context. The tone is obvious. Several posters have commented the same and it is all very much in the vein of - "Oh boohoo, so what if the GPs might not be around, some women have to give birth all by themselves!".

I don't see what your point is where you quoted me. Yes I would be devastated to give birth without my partner, as the OP presumably would be given that she doesn't want her DP to miss the birth. Of course I would prefer him to be there, and given how traumatic my first birth was, I literally would be devastated without his emotional support. What is your point exactly?

[1AnnoyingOrange]

I'd be a bit upset if I thought my DH couldnt be there for me during labour/delivery.


My DPs live a ferry ride away (a days travel, they dont fly) and My DH DPs took a holiday on my due date. I had other inlaws to ask/offer and in the end it was a 10-12 hour period that DCs werent with us and as I was so overdue they stayed with DH DPs.

So I'd be disappointed but also a bit concerned about your support, why I had no-one to ask? and think about doing extra favours for people/offering help more so that

1. other people know they could ask me for help in an emergency
   
2. if in the future there is an emergency I have people to ask

[AllTheGlitters]

And expat again for reasons relating to my first birth yes I personally would feel very anxious without a doctor, but I just meant medical professionals in general. But that's fine, you continue digging into me if that makes you feel good.

[expatinscotland]

Okay . . . so not it's digging into someone if you're not falling all over them. And here is a newsflash: when people disagree with you, they're not necessarily 'taking offense'. Try not to take everything so personally. Nippy people aren't popular. I mean, look at the OP here.

You're very melodramatic, so I'm going to leave you to create your own little tragedy of huffy.

[AllTheGlitters]

Also OP sorry I forgot to say, but some other posters picked up on, with your third DC it will probably be much faster and straightforward, so even worst case scenario your other DC should only need looking after for a few hours. Is it a possibility to consider a midwife led unit? I personally feel really strongly about emotional support in labour, and they are supposed to be better for a calmer, more relaxed setting, even if home birth is not an option?

[1AnnoyingOrange]

Giving birth is life and death, even thought majority of time everything goes well, there are still risks and decisions to be made.

My last paragraph is what I took out of last time I had to plan around birth of DC4

[ZackyVengeance]

my dc went to a neighbours...(it was night time)
he slept in her dc's bed(her son was startled to wake up next morning and see him there lol)

[1AnnoyingOrange]

Giving birth is life and death, even thought majority of time everything goes well, there are still risks and decisions to be made.

The last paragraph is what I thought about around the time of DC4 and by writing this I have been reminded again to make an effort!

[WyfOfBathe]

I understand why you're worried, but I think you're being a bit U. You have a set of grandparents plus a friend. I'm sure in an emergency, other friends would step into the breach.

My DP and PIL both live in other countries. When I had DD2, we had to rely upon childminder (but only during her working hours), and two friends - one with limited availability, and the other who lived over an hour away. In the end we dropped DD off with Friend 1 early morning, who took DD to childminder in the morning, and then Friend 2 collected her in the afternoon. It all worked out fine.

My DP met DD2 when she was about a week old. PIL will meet DD2 this summer, so she'll be about 7 months old. It's not ideal, but I'm not going to get angry at anyone.

[AllTheGlitters]

expat it is so ironic and hilarious that you think I am the "nippy" one here. I was perfectly polite in my first post to you and you have been so bloody rude to me, and I truly can't work out why. The way you said "so midwives not good enough for you then?" as well as pretty much every other thing you have typed to me has been so confrontational it's actually cringeworthy because there's no reason whatsoever for it. I had a difficult labour, am pregnant again, am anxious myself, have had to consider childcare too unlike last time, can see OP is and just wanted to offer my support. You have ridden along on your high horse and for some reasoned deemed me worthy of your bullshit. I just don't see any need for it whatsoever, really.

[expatinscotland]

Um, okay, All. Carry on getting bent out of shape . . . here, have some rope.

[AllTheGlitters]

[Cringes at expat] That really is pitiful.

OP, sorry if I missed it but how far along are you exactly? I really don't think it will end up being necessary given your friends and relatives but is it possible to speak to a childminder or babysitter to see if they will be available? I know they can only have a certain amount of children in their care but, for example if you go in labour on the weekend, most CMs cover working week so you might be able to have an arrangement for short notice one off childcare?

[intergalacticbrexitdisco]

I understand how you must feel, OP, but perhaps a friend or reliable sitter could be 'on call' for your older children. Alternatively, you could engage a doula to support you during your labour.

Best wishes to you!

[bloodyfuming9]

Grandparents, otherwise often known as the dreaded Mils and Fils, just can't win can they?

A lot of the posts here are regularly about how to avoid them, limit their contact or not see them at all, even at important times of the year. Then when it's convenient for them to step in and drop everything to be in attendance, they get pilloried for not being there.


I'm not a grand parent, but judging by many posts on M'Net, I'm just saying it seems a thankless and confusing role to have.