childcare for labour- Aibu to be upset?

[hibbledobble]

Dc3 is due imminently.

Sadly both sets of grandparents have booked holidays around my due date. Either side of it, but it means at least one set will miss the birth. They booked these while I was pregnant, and had been told the due date (but apparently they 'forgot').

I'm worried that if I can't reach the set who are still here, what I'm going to do. I don't really have any friends I can ask, apart from one, who has kindly agreed but has her own dc.

I'm worried as dc2 labour was quick, so we will need to get to the hospital quickly. For various reasons a home birth is not an option.

[Absintheshots]

What about your partner?

Otherwise I would ask for local recommendation for local nannies agencies, who can provide qualified and safe staff. Maybe have a word with them now, to discuss very last minute availability with them

Hopefully your friend lives close enough that you can drop off your own child there if you have to go to hospital in a taxi.

It doesn't matter if your parents see a baby when he is an hour old or a week old, it's the same baby. It's not really that important.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

What if they have 10+ grandkids? They're supposed to put their lives on hold for every single birth and be on tap for childcare or they're crap? Glad I don't expect my parents to build their lives round me.

Exactly

Plus at least one set of gp will be around.

[expatinscotland]

Then talk to your friend about her availability.

[Xmasbaby11]

Well you have two options for childcare and you need to tell them to be on standby and they must be contactable. Go through what you want to happen and various scenarios. Maybe pack bags for your children or make lists that will make it easier when help is needed?

It's a bit thoughtless of the gp, depending on your relationship with them. I can only assume it wasn't deliberate and they have reasons for going on holiday on those dates.

[hibbledobble]

This is our third dc, and the third for both sets of grandparents too.

yes expat I have spoken to her!

[ZebraFeet]

You know, grandparents have already done the parenting thing ... WE don't have to do it again, and given the antipathy towards MiLs on here, I'm surprised about the level of expectation that we're up for a second life of childcare.

[flowery]

It's highly unlikely that in this day and age someone who has volunteered to be emergency childcare for labour is not going to be available for long periods of time. You have one set or the other set of grandparents. You have your friend. I would imagine you know other people locally who'd help as well. People love doing this sort of thing. I'd do it for any mum at school, for example, whether she was a friend or not.

But you won't need it because you have two options plus you have a partner who can hang on to your other child/ren until something has been sorted if necessary.

I'm confused as to why one set of grandparents won't see the newborn? How long are they going on holiday for?!

[Universitychallenging]

What about your partner ? Assume he will be around ?

[BaggyCheeks]

I do think YABU with this. Regardless of when you go into labour, one set is guaranteed to be around, and you've had your friend offer to help. She wouldn't have offered if she didn't feel she was able to. As your DD approaches, you'll have to tell whatever set of GPs is around that they'll Need to be contactable for when you go into labour. Even if it means your DC go to your friend and get collected by the GPs when your DH gets hold of them.

It's really not worth stressing yourself over.

[MrsGB2225]

Have you posted this already this week? I swear I've read this before!

[dustarr73]

Really op yanbu if they wont help you out now,.Its not like you're asking them to mind the kids while you go to Ibiza for 2 weeks.

I don't understand the mi dset on MN about asking for help.So the GPS have raised their own kids,so shouldn't be expected to help out,no that's just wrong.

My mil offered to have my kids when I had to be at the hospital early one morning. I had gd.She rings 2 days before, saying she's going somewhere else and can't do it.

Got my aunt and who turns up at 7.30 only my mil.Her face when my aunt opened the door.

[Universitychallenging]

I'm sorry but no one NEEDS to be contactable.

If you can't get anyone you go to the hospital and have the baby on your own. It's not ideal but it's not the end of the world

[Wineandrosesagain]

Do you have a partner/husband?

[HermioneJeanGranger]

Can't the older children be left with their father?

[redfairy]

You''ve got three options OP. DH, GPs and friend so you're sorted. It might even end up being a mix of the three. Relax. YABU in the nicest possible way. Good Luck!

[hibbledobble]

The reasons they are in contactable sometimes is for religious reasons, and nothing I say/do will change this. The are other times too, they don't believe in mobile phones either.

Sure no one needs to be available, and I guess they see being a grandparent for a third time as not a priority, but it is still hurtful.

Flowery they are going on holiday for nearly a month, possibly longer.

[Cornettoninja]

Op I think I know where you're coming from, birth is immeninent and you need to feel safe and like the people you want supporting you are all on board. It's ok to be upset if you're not getting that.

I do, however, think you need to accept and work with what you've got. Paid help, whether childcare or something such as a doula to support you, maybe even a mix, is the way to go. Something so you can feel like you can be calm and focussed on the birth. If you haven't the money then you need to prep yourself for the worse case scenario and be prepared to go it alone while dh watches the kids. Don't go into this wishing it was a way that is completely unacheivable.

Fwiw, my mum (an only child) died when I was a teenager and my dad is disabled and a bit shit anyway. We live 2 hours away from him and any of my dp's family. I have never felt more acutely alone, scared and a bit resentful of the whole situation as I was going into childbirth and the newborn world. It just serves to highlight anything you want/wish and don't have.

Ultimately you do have to just get on with it, but there's no shame in being sad or upset it isn't the way you would have chosen.

Just don't let it fester and take over otherwise good relationships.

[saoirse31]

What about neighbours?

[Absintheshots]

OP, you haven't told us, are there any reason why your partner can't do the childcare?

[NerrSnerr]

You have one set of grandparents, your friend and your partner who can do childcare. I really don't see what the problem is? You really can't expect them to revolve their lives around you and when you're giving birth.

I'm 37 weeks pregnant and have an older child. If this child comes early it is entirely possible I may have to do it alone because of childcare issues, grandparents live 5 hours away so can't just drop round. It's life isn't it? Just have to manage the best you can. If you 100% need your partner there you could consider paying for help?

[Universitychallenging]

Why is it hurtful? I mean. They haven't decided to have a baby. Are they expected to cancel a holiday and sit by the phone for what, 5 weeks?

[HiMyNameIsUnknown]

OP YABU, GPS have lives & aren't there to be potential emergency childcare. As others have said potentially one set will be there plus you have a friend also.

[LotisBlue]

presumably she wants her DP or DH to be at the birth? Obviously in an emergency he will have to miss it to look after the children, but she probably wants to avoid that

[CocoLoco87]

Surely by DC3 you know these things are going to be a problem? I understand the thread the other day about being left in the lurch where childcare had been promised, but this is different. Did you think ahead before you fell pregnant? What did you expect would happen when time for labour came??

[1nsanityscatching]

My dh did the childcare, I had a lovely birth with a really supportive midwife. Dh rocked up later and met dd, would fully recommend it tbh.
I think you are panicking you have plenty of options and if worst comes to worst dh can do the childcare.