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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my friend to not take the piss?!?

64 replies

user1122 · 23/03/2017 16:22

Ok so a few months back I was moving house and selling up lots of my unwanted things so she asked for an item that I had lots of interest in but obviously with her being a friend I said yeah sure, she said oh I don't have the money just yet but il give u it soon, so I held onto the item until I moved house then I had to give it to her as I didn't have the space for it, she said il deffo get that money to u next week, 3 months later she has the item and is using it every day and I don't have the cash! In the last 3 months she has been on 2 city breaks with her boyfriend meals out with other couples and booked a holiday abroad, so AIBU to think if she can afford to do all these things she could afford to pay me back? It's getting awkward now cos I'm actually really annoyed about it and I think she thinks iv just fergot about it! What should I do now?

OP posts:

floraeasy · 23/03/2017 16:23

Tell her you really need the money as per your original agreement with her. If she hasn't got it in the next 2 weeks, tell her that you will regretfully have to take the item back in order to sell it.

Original poster

user1122 · 23/03/2017 16:24

I should add she just asked if I could pick up her kids as she is off out for a spray tan for her weekend away !! I'm at home with no money 💰 🤔

OP posts:

twisterinyogapants · 23/03/2017 16:25

Ask for the money ?

Tobuyornot99 · 23/03/2017 16:26

You need to ask her for the money. None of us can do it for you I'm afraid. Just do it, get it off your chest.

floraeasy · 23/03/2017 16:26

Do NO favours for her until this is resolved. Don't let her think of you as even more of a doormat. You'll totally kick yourself if you give into free baby minding on top of this situation!

floraeasy · 23/03/2017 16:29

She's relying on you not having the guts to ask. She her she's wrong!

GoodDayToYou · 23/03/2017 16:30

Text her something like, "When I pick the kids up can you give me the money for the xxxx? I really could do with it now. Thanks!"

Original poster

user1122 · 23/03/2017 16:30

I have asked 3 times for the money and she says oh u know I'd give it to you if I had it but I don't feel I can say well if you can afford these things then u can afford to pay me back, she knows my partner has a good job so she prob thinks I don't need it but I work part time and like to be self sufficient so I hate having no money knowing all the stuff she is doing I just feel she is being very selfish

OP posts:

Trb17 · 23/03/2017 16:32

Ask her for the money. Say you need it now or if not you'll need the item back so you can sell it. Backbone is needed here.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 23/03/2017 16:33

Can you ask for it back. She has not fulfilled her part of the contract.

Original poster

user1122 · 23/03/2017 16:34

I don't want to lose her as a friend despite what it looks like she is a nice person but it's so true the rule about mixing business with pleasure 🙈🙈 I need to go about it in a nice way but struggling to find the fine line between being rude and risk her falling out with me over it and just being a total push over

OP posts:

Gizlotsmum · 23/03/2017 16:38

I'd ask for it in instalments then. If she says the same line about giving it if she could afford it mention she can afford weekends away and spray tans so you assumed she could afford to pay you back. If she comes up with some line about her partner paying say he can pay you and she can owe him then.. if neither of these work then get the item back

wideboy26 · 23/03/2017 16:39

What is the item in question and how much money is involved? Depending on the answers, you may have to write the debt off and chalk it up to experience. She clearly has no intention of paying you and she has got used to permanent use of the item.

Meowstro · 23/03/2017 16:39

I wouldn't babysit, you'd be putting yourself in the position for her to continue taking the piss. Next time you're at hers suggest you take the item back and if she asks why tell her you wouldn't go to a shop/buy something on buy now pay later and just not pay. She'll probably have a strop but it gives you the opportunity to be frank about it. If she says anything about your partner's job/wages then tell her it's much the same as her and her holidays in that you don't question how they split their finances.

floraeasy · 23/03/2017 16:42

despite what it looks like she is a nice person

Nice people don't take a friend's stuff and spend months fobbing them off regarding payment. Nice people don't leave friends struggling for money while they go swanning around spending money everywhere but in honouring a debt to a friend.

struggling to find the fine line between being rude

She's seems to have no trouble being rude! What's rude about asking for your money? You've been more than patient already.

risk her falling out with me over it and just being a total push over

I'd risk it, quite honestly. You are seeing her true colours. What are her good points? She already thinks you are a push-over, don't you see? She wouldn't be taking the piss like this if she was scared of losing your friendship.

PageNowFoundFileUnderSpartacus · 23/03/2017 16:42

If she makes excuses again just say pleasantly as if it's no big deal "no worries, I still need the cash though so I'll just get it back off you to sell. I'll collect it when I drop your kids off."

MiddleClassProblem · 23/03/2017 16:42

Ask her casually on her Facebook wall for the money 🙊

HecateAntaia · 23/03/2017 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IamFriedSpam · 23/03/2017 16:43

Tell her you need the money by the weekend, or you'll be coming over to collect the item so that you can sell it.

HecateAntaia · 23/03/2017 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

user1122 · 23/03/2017 16:45

I suffer with depression and anxiety so prob do take more shit than I should but she has been there for me a lot when iv needed her, all of these suggestions sound great but they give me the fear! 🙊🙊🙊

OP posts:

happypoobum · 23/03/2017 16:47

I agree with PP - tell her you really need the money so if she cannot give it to you you will have to have the item back to sell.

floraeasy · 23/03/2017 16:49

Sorry to hear that, OP.

Can you take some assertiveness classes? They would really help. You will probably find they help you with your depression and anxiety a little too, as they will help build your self-esteem.

I know how difficult this can be, but you will find that you will attract more and more users and takers as time goes on. You will be walked all over and feel worse about yourself as well as being out of pocket. So very stressful! Don't you deserve more?

Your friend is already asking for free childcare on top of the money issue? Can't you see how she is already escalating her demands? What's next?

Time to start working on this. MN will be a great sounding board. You can do this

EweAreHere · 23/03/2017 16:50

Nice people don't treat their friends this way. They just don't.

dustarr73 · 23/03/2017 16:50

Just turn up ,ask for money.If she doesn't have it take item back.
I wouldn't give her the chance to say it's broke or sell it herself.

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