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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

By not wanting to lend DP's family any more money?

51 replies

Hannahbanana1725 · 23/03/2017 10:34

Me and my partner are saving for a mortgage. PIL owe us 400, BIL1 owes us 175 and BIL2 owes us 50. BIL2 wants to borrow a further 400 and will then pay us back at the end of april when he gets his student loan. He wanted to buy something on finance but got declined, not sure what it was.
I am fully prepared to be told I am being unreasonable, as we will get it back at the end of April, and he said he would give us extra on top.
DP wants to lend him the money, but i'm a bit fed up of having to lend his family money. PIL have no idea when they'll pay us back and BIL1 was supposed to pay us back by now. AIBU in not wanting to lend it?

OP posts:
HecateAntaia · 23/03/2017 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 23/03/2017 10:37

YANBU, it does not sound like it's essential (food).

KinkyAfro · 23/03/2017 10:37

Nope, I wouldn't do it

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 23/03/2017 10:40

Is your surname Lloyds or Barclays??
Tell them to shove off!!

splendide · 23/03/2017 10:40

Do you and DP have completely joint finances?

If it's his money he can lend it to his family as he chooses I suppose.

troodiedoo · 23/03/2017 10:40

No. Don't go there. You are not a payday lender. They need to learn to manage finances better. He may well pay you back this time but there will come a time when he won't. And it'll be all kinds of awkward.

Flowers
WellErrr · 23/03/2017 10:41

YANBU.

They need to save up for what they want.

2014newme · 23/03/2017 10:41

No. You are not a bank.

YourHandInMyHand · 23/03/2017 10:43

No way would I be lending big sums of money out to anyone, even my own family to be honest. If they can afford to pay it back a bank will loan them it.

If they need money for food I'd invite them round for meals or send them a food shop delivery. I'd also never ask anyone to lend me money myself, I'm very much a cut according to your cloth type of person, and if I want something I will save and save for it.

WHY are they needing to borrow so much money all the time?!

mynachos · 23/03/2017 10:48

When are the pil & bil1 planning to pay you back?

Original poster
Hannahbanana1725 · 23/03/2017 10:52

Haven't got a definite answer from the PIL, some time later in the year they said. Lent it to them because they wanted to do up their kitchen. BIL1 said we should have the rest of it in 2 weeks, but he also needs to pay back PIL who lent him 200. (Can't see how they can lend him 200 but can't pay us back??) So probably be longer than 2 weeks. He needed it to pay off his new bed he put on finance. Originally wanted 500 but I'd only agree to 250.

OP posts:
Megatherium · 23/03/2017 10:54

No, he can wait to buy whatever it is, or get a part time job to earn the money. He shouldn't really be paying out such a big chunk of his student loan so early anyway.

Original poster
Hannahbanana1725 · 23/03/2017 10:54

Should probably have NC for this Blush

OP posts:
ThomasRichard · 23/03/2017 10:59

YANBU. If he pays £400 out of his student loan then he'll be after a bail-out later on in the term when it's run out.

Soon2bC · 23/03/2017 11:04

lent my MIL £1000.....4 years later she is my exMIL and I still havent seen a penny
I say let them learn to save/budget/manage their money

Lucked · 23/03/2017 11:07

Whatever he needs can wait, good life lesson. Also there are probably cheaper options as he was planning to buy on finance implying whatever it is is new.

228agreenend · 23/03/2017 11:11

No, no , no.

£400 is a lot of money. what does he want it for? What happens when he wants buy food etc during the term and has no money left? Will he want to borrow more money then?

I can't think what a student wants to spend £400 on.

Don't lend him money. You are not the bad guy here.

Jaxhog · 23/03/2017 11:13

If he hasn't paid you by now, he won't pay you then. He'll have another excuse, and you'll be even more out of pocket.

When friends and family need money, give it to them if you can. Lending it will just cause bad will, as they almost never pay it back. And it will be 'your fault' for putting money above friendship/family.

Don't do it.

LeninaCrowne · 23/03/2017 11:18

Ask you DP not to mention your saving plans to his family, in fact I would keep any savings you have made in your own account just in case.

As for the BIL2, you've already lent money to PIL and the two BIL's. He can get the £400 from the PILS/BIL1 and when he does needs to have a plan he sticks to to pay it back. Tell him the bank of Hannah is shut.

LeninaCrowne · 23/03/2017 11:20

Some people are just crap with money, and lending money just because you have it and they fancy pissing it up against the wall is a mistake.

GladAllOver · 23/03/2017 11:27

Pil owes you 400. Bil wants 400. Tell Pil to lend your 400 to Bil. Solved.

happypoobum · 23/03/2017 11:28

No way would I lend them any more money.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/03/2017 11:28

God no. Cut your cloth and all that. If it were for food or essentials, fine. Your dhs family really do think you're a cash cow.

diddl · 23/03/2017 11:30

No-they already owe you.

Sounds as if everyone sees your OH as a soft touch.

He is supposed to be saving for a mortgage.

That is important.

It's not (imo) a pot of money to dip into & out of at will.

New kitchen, £400 on who knows what £500 on a bed????

If he hasn't got a bed & needs one, it must be possible to get one for less.

Did the kitchen still function?

What a load of spendthrifts they are-with your mortgage deposit!!

yayforsummer · 23/03/2017 11:35

Is that not what families are for? To lean on each other? You may need their support in the future. I would lend them if you can afford to.

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