Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To accept never having a job

163 replies

11122aa · 23/03/2017 00:22

Hi. I've posted a few threads before but is it normal to accept you never have a job Due medical Reasons. I'm at uni doing law but a I'm finding the course hard and b I know I'll never get a job afterwards as I have autisum and dyspraxia and also mental health issues. I'd never cope with a full time job and I can't imagine I'm a suitable candidate for a part time shop job..

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 31/03/2017 14:14

It has the authentic ring to me, PersianCatLady. DS during a down patch sounds very like this. There is never any useful way forward and no suggestions will work -- till he's feeling better
I don't know if to be pleased or not at what you have just said.

At least in my mind when I thought that this thread wasn't genuine, there wasn't a real person out there who felt this despondent in their life.

Now you have told me that your son sounds like this as well, that means that there are at least two young people who actually feel this bad at times. How awful.

PersianCatLady · 31/03/2017 14:21

What we really need is recognition that some people can only manage part-time work and benefits to reflect that. So you might get, say, 50% disability benefits but work 20 hrs. Or something
The current system does already work like this.

Someone in the OP's situation could claim ESA & PIP and not work at all.

Or they could work P/T, get paid, claim WTC with disability and maybe severe disability premiums and still get PIP.

AntiGrinch · 31/03/2017 16:31

The benefits system might work like that but that doesn't mean the world of work supports people wanting to work like this.

PersianCatLady · 31/03/2017 16:54

The benefits system might work like that but that doesn't mean the world of work supports people wanting to work like this
I totally agree with you but my post was in response to a PP who suggested that there should be a halfway point between claiming benefits and working full-time.

BBCNewsRave · 01/04/2017 04:17

PersianCat Someone in the OP's situation could claim ESA & PIP and not work at all.
Or they could work P/T, get paid, claim WTC with disability and maybe severe disability premiums and still get PIP.

PIP is difficult to qualify for, especially for non-physical conditions. In my own case, recovery would see me ceasing to qualify for PIP before I ceased to qualify for ESA/was able to work. I am not alone in this.

I was also led to believe - although need to check the latest - that under benefit changes (Universal Credit) there will be no replacement for the disability element of WTC. Those working under 30hrs (and under 25s) need to qualify for the disability element to qualify at all.

Plus, the criteria to qualify for the disability element is very strict/specific for non-physical conditions. For a physical condition, you only need to be unable to sustain a normal working week, for other conditions it's much harder to qualify.

So whilst it is currently possible to work part-time and have enough money to live on, there are various loopholes one can fall through! It needs to be made much more robust.

Additionally, housing benefit makes things complicated (although not currently relevent in OPs case). ESA is more than JSA, but if working, your base rate of entitlement drops to JSA level, meaning that any top-ups aside from WTC will only subsidise you up to JSA+HB level, not ESA+HB level. This is particularly problematic for those with a large HB shortfall, such as those who live alone aged under 35 (who are otherwise expected to houseshare - often inappropriate where mental health/ASD is concerned).

blamf · 01/04/2017 08:59

Hi op,

You sound very down and pessimistic and I think people are being unnecessary harsh accusing you of 'stealing' a university place. I bet a lot of people criticising you for saying you can't pay back your student loan went to uni for very cheap fees or even free.

The thing is you've picked a very competitive notoriously difficult course. It's supposed to be hard! Also you are surrounded by smart capable people. It really skews your perspective. I worked in acamdeia for a few years after uni until everything in my life imploded and I had to leave and got a boring admin job with staff with a much wider range of abilities. It really opened my eyes, I thought I was fairly useless at uni and only did well because I worked crazy amounts, turns out a lot of my social circle were extremely intelligent and had had a head start in study habits for various reasons.

A lot of jobs don't require much brain power and they won't fire you if you can manage to turn up on time and your seen to be trying. Obviously I'm not talking about being a barrister here, I'm talking about something that you don't need a degree for. And the way the economy is now there's no shame in taking a job that isn't a graduate job. It's still useful to have a degree, even if you start at the bottom the degree has taught you a whole bunch of life skills as well as educational skills and it'll help you move up the ladder once you've got some experience under your belt.

Uni is also so unlike employment , you are unlikely to ever write something as long as an essay ever again, you will never have to memorise a bunch of stuff just to write it down in 4 hours then forget it later. And you are unlikely to be working in such isolation or have the pressure of grades again. I have a friend who dropped out of uni and was a bit rubbish at it, bad grades, last minute assignments and missed loads of lectures etc... but he's great at his job because it's easy he knows exactly what to do and he knows he has immediate consequences for not turning up, so he's never late !

You've got onto your degree now, please don't focus on the future so much, focus on doing as well as you can in it. And you are an adult now, you don't have to rely on your parents permission for things. Push those boundaries as much as you want! They can't physically stop you from volunteering and there will be loads of opportunities to do it through uni.

It's your life now, think about what you want from it. There are jobs like you describe and there's no shame in packing boxes in a warehouse if that's what you want after uni. Why not apply for temp work doing that in summer to see how you go? But don't agonise over that now. Focus on how you want your life to be over next year both on your course and daily life and see how you can make it that way.

blamf · 01/04/2017 09:02

Also there are loads of jobs like you describe just putting in data. Go on reed.com and look for admin assistant jobs. Some want more than that and some try and make it sound like there is more to the job than that but there are some which are just typing in info which would be glad to have you , because most people find them boring so someone who wanted that job would be gold dust to them.

JustDanceAddict · 01/04/2017 09:27

Or a job such as proofreading or copy editing law journals from home. You'd need to find the contacts, but your lecturers should be able to help. You'd have knowledge of the subject and you can distance train. Obviously need a good command of English, but if you're doing a law degree I assume you do.

JustDanceAddict · 01/04/2017 09:29

Many local libraries - in London - are run by volunteers as there is no council funding so it's worth looking into that.

11122aa · 02/04/2017 23:38

I'm still here. Mood very low at the momemt as I am hating exam revision. I just totally fed up of life really and it's tough accepting you never going to get any happiness..

OP posts:
11122aa · 02/04/2017 23:47

The only way I'm ever getting a new life is if I commit a criminal offence and end up in Prison. I would actually enjoy that I think

OP posts:
ATailofTwoKitties · 03/04/2017 11:48

You're not alone in that feeling, 11122aa - Stephen Fry ended up in prison at one point and described it as quite a relief because he finally had no choice about what he was doing!

Probably not a good plan though.

Try to hold on to the thought that how you feel right now is NOT how you will always feel.

How did you cope during A-levels? Presumably quite well, given that you got on to a Law degree -- did you get any help from school?

FlippedUpRightSide · 03/04/2017 12:11

You sound like my sister 4/5 yrs ago. Only achieving academically better.

When she was in the funk out dad was abusive, she couldn't do anything etc. Used exactly the same phrases.

All I can say is time changes, though it's hard to see in the now. My dad and her reconnected and she's found more peace in herself. Study is over and the stress gone and more friends have been made. It's not perfect, but it's certainly a lot better

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.