To accept never having a job

[11122aa]

Hi. I've posted a few threads before but is it normal to accept you never have a job Due medical Reasons. I'm at uni doing law but a I'm finding the course hard and b I know I'll never get a job afterwards as I have autisum and dyspraxia and also mental health issues. I'd never cope with a full time job and I can't imagine I'm a suitable candidate for a part time shop job..

"The best job would be one at home that is basic or an office job that is simmilar to simple and requires little contact with humans or changes. But there all need experience or I'd be decleared over qualifired."

The majority of students are young with little/no work experience. You can speak with your tutors or careers about getting work experience whilst you're at University, there are loads of options available for this kind of thing.

Sadly I am struggling a bit with my degree so a 2.1 seems a bit remote. More likely a 2.2 or a third. I find the essays too complex and I don't seem to be able to concentrate at home much anymore, I regret going to uni, I should have waited a while until I was capable of enjoying it and making friends,

OP of course you can have a job. You might need some support finding something/staying in a job but there is absolutely no reason why not.

I worked with people with autism/MH issues/learning disabilities and although none of them could actually live by themselves around 50% had paid part time jobs. None of them had degrees.

I also know a few people personally with autism/aspergers who work full time and have found work that suits them- e.g. office based/self employed office based, and are suitable for them as graduates.

I myself was told I'd never do normal things like have a job, family…and I have. Sometimes I can work and sometimes I can't (I have MH problems).

There are all sorts of things out there for you. There also might be support available to you to help you find and keep a job- whether it's paid or voluntary.

I really think that the OP and others on this thread should get some professional advice about how to get work that suits them, not give up.

Just to be clear, I am not some mad anti-scrounger Protestant-work-ethic lunatic. I just think that rewarding work is one of the key things in a happy life (paid or not, full time or not) and I think it would be a mistake to decide it's not for you - which then becomes a decision that limits your possibilities - and you can make it true, even if it is not necessarily true.

Here's a secret. The working world is full of master skivers.

Admittedly some of them are great at looking busy, in a way that might be too labour intensive for some people with limited social capacity and / or manipulation skills. So I'm not saying it's necessarily the right path to just decide "Oh, I'll be one of those" - for a clever, sincere, easily-socially-exhausted person it might be less trouble to just do a proper job.

If you can do a law degree, you are already working harder than most people in full time office jobs. Honestly. I promise you.

What i hate most about capitalism are the two simultaneous contradictory cries of 'Get a job!' and 'You're not good enough for this job, or any job!' (After you've jumped through 450 different hoops) I'm borderline ASD and it does my head in.

I have asked my uni about how to get a job at the uni or the other sister unie once I have finished next year but I can't imagine they places were the suitable jobs are. What sort of offices do have simple data entering or filling type jobs?

No you are not being unreasonable you are being realistic OP. Being in any sort of education is very different to being in work and the traits you describe mean yes it would be very hard for you to hold down a job. Don't completely write yourself off though, look at all the options you may have but you are right to prepare yourself. There are some breathtakingly stupid responses on this thread from people who have no idea of autism and mental health or how the majority of employers behave but as some people have said there may be things you can do. Concentrate as a pp said on your degree for now and don't worry to much about the future until you have completed it. There are a lot of us who really understand how you feel.

What about getting involved in disability activism? With your education you'd be a valuable resource, and I imagine such organisations might have ways of accomodating your needs with flexibility.

What would you like from your parents, 11122aa? (I'll assume for the moment that actually you're not my DS, as he's out with the dog now.)

Honest question: what could they do to help?

Can you tell us a bit about why you went to uni and why you chose Law?

I work with adults in a MH long term residential home where some hold down a paid part time job. They are not capable of living independently and certainly couldn't manage a law degree so I struggle to see how there are no suitable jobs for you full stop OP. There are organisations and charities who support people to find employment, even in these hard times with cuts to MH and LD services. You need a different mindset as you are not willing to accept any suggestions here, do you actually want a job? Lots of us are in jobs we don't like but needs must. To have got to uni you have skills that are transferrable, what about contacting the National Autistic Society? They should have people who can advise you.

Seriously could people stop saying she needs a different mindset it's really annoying. The OP knows herself and she is not unusual at all. Doing an academic qualification in a uni which will have support for autistics and is based on facts is totally different to working. My son is 24 and brilliant academically and both times I found him a job he ended up having a breakdown and being sectioned. One of those was with a disability charity who although they said they could support him ended up breaking him. Work is different to uni, college, school so please stop saying because the OP can do one she can do the other. Its not relevant.

Sorry to hear that, deblet it's a poor show if a disability charity behaved that way.

Do you think, then, that the law degree could actually do more harm than good for the OP? I am guessing as your son is brilliant academically, it led to assumptions that he would cope with work? Even the disability charity seems to have been pretty misguided on that score.

On the other hand, if she is capable of getting her degree (without it causing too much stress), it would be a shame to give it up.

Sorry, OP, for talking about you in the third person like this.

deblet Yes it is relevant and whilst that is sad for your son it doesn't mean that will happen to everyone. I work with plenty of people who have far less skills than the OP and the difference is their attitude. Instead of finding reasons to block themselves, with the right support they have found their skills. Their confidence has increased massively and they have a real sense of worth and self esteem, bearing in mind these people need to live in supported accommodation. A different perspective is not annoying, its just a suggestion.

contacting the National Autistic Society? They should have people who can advise you.

NAS aren't great for adults (at least in my Experience they were basically useless) I think smaller /local charities might be a better bet but not sure

I think what people posting on this thread need to hear in mind is now people with autism can be emotionally behind their peers while intellectually on a level. My ds is diagnosed as hf WAS and is also considered gifted. He is doing a GCSE this summer, he is 12 and is August born so one of the youngest in his year group. He may well be capable of doing degree level work before he is 18. But he is incapable of going to the shop alone. He has no true we outside school. He wears ear defenders, can't manage school assemblies won't go on school trips. These issues will not disappear if he tries harder, or gets older, he is capable of getting excellent a academic qualifications with support, but he will take longer to grow up and be fully independent.

The op feels hopeless and the black and white thinking about things is very familiar. My d's is similar, things are impossible until they are not, he finds it hard to imagine how to succeed at things. Even though so many skills have been learned and obstacles ds still struggles to see that he can overcome problems. That is why he gets support, telling him it is possible and giving examples isn't enough. He is a ball of tension and anxiety each day is a struggle so imagining you can overcome bigger obstacles is hard.

More empathy and less advice is often the way through. If the op 's parents are as overbearing as described that is a big obstacle to gaining independence and self confidence for a young adult even without the added issue of autism. Also I think all young people are struggling in finding suitable work, the stats for autistic people find in employment are pretty stark.

But being realistic doesn't have to be defeatist. I hope you find your way op. But I understand how you feel.

floraeasy if the OP is doing the degree to keep her in education and keep her brain active then it is a good idea. All of us tried to keep our lads in education as long as we could because they are supported and structured which is what they need, It gives them a purpose. I hoped he could work but didn't factor in all the problems I deal with just normally. For example I got round the fact he can't speak to strangers and therefore can't sell himself at interview by contacting firms myself and as I worked for the job centre at the time had good contacts. I went along and explained his problems and got support set up for him. And I went in with him the first two days to find his feet. And he was happy and loved it. He was so proud he had a job putting date in from invoices. Myself and some other mums tried to do similar set ups for all the lads. But my son cannot use the phone so they said oh that's ok he won't need to. A week after he started he was shouted at to answer the phone and they progressively got worse over the weeks not comprehending he could not just learn to cope with it. They expected him to find something to do if they were to busy to show him, but he can't do that he needs things explained. He needed a quiet familiar place to work, they moved him four times in 3 weeks and he ended up sitting next to a lad with tourettes who was very loud. He ended up regressing and then had a break down. Yet his computer skills are phenomenal and he is very bright. Most companies need all rounders it's a fact and people who don't cope don't get kept on. Those are just a couple of examples. Its not easy for high functioning autistics to get help because they are not bad enough to qualify for support most of the time. And its nowt to do with mindset.

WAS should read ASD!

BearNose yes I agree the NAS are no help with finding a job.

True we = Friends

I have a shitty tablet with ridiculous predictive text I apologise for nonsense in my post! Argh

The working world is full of master skivers

so true, sat here In the office eating a bag of quavers, on mn

deblet

That's so sad. Must shake his confidence every time this happens. Such a waste of his potential too. This must be so hard for you to cope with.

I read a great novel called, "600 Hours of Edward" about a man who has Aspergers and is OCD. It made very interesting reading and he too found it impossible to stay in work because employers just did not understand his needs. He was very intelligent too.

I don't know if it's been mentioned, or whether it would meet your skills-set, but what about volunteering for CAB? You have the right qualification, they are desperate for volunteers, they would make a great reference to a potential employer, and you never know what sort of paid roles they might put you in touch with.
It sounds very difficult for you. I truly hope you find something fulfilling.

Thank you floraeasy. It just makes me so mad when people glibly say about attitude and mindset. Due to his college course I have met over 50 sets of parents with young people with varying degrees of autism and they all want to work. And the irony is the few who do work ,usually in companies their parents own it has to be said, are very productive. My son has a typing speed of 115 wpm with no errors which is very good. He could easily do data input, he would never want promotion, he would always be punctual and do his full hours because he is a stickler for rules but he will probably never have the chance because even an application form is hard for him. He can't sell himself. That why I understand the OP. That sounds a good book I will look it up thanks.

OP, could you find out about volunteering in a library? Would you like cataloguing and organising the books? Or what about volunteering on an archeological dig? Or garden / nature reserve?

Essentially, if you manage to build up some volunteering experience it will help you get a job. Many volunteering positions are much easier to secure than paid employment - at our local bird reserve you can just turn up at a particular time and day in the week to help out.

The thing you have to remember is that you really have lost nothing if you find it is not for you. You have gained because you are refining your search for what you want to do with your life next, Tbh this worry of not being able to get a job does not seem to be you either.