To accept never having a job

[11122aa]

Hi. I've posted a few threads before but is it normal to accept you never have a job Due medical Reasons. I'm at uni doing law but a I'm finding the course hard and b I know I'll never get a job afterwards as I have autisum and dyspraxia and also mental health issues. I'd never cope with a full time job and I can't imagine I'm a suitable candidate for a part time shop job..

Great idea Rock.

11122aa Could you also make a website about your hobby and get advertisers?

I have autism and severe MH issues, as well as dyslexia. I have found it very hard to find employment and I have accepted now that work isn't for me. I do have a degree but just because I'm able to do a degree it doesn't mean I'm able to work, as they are totally different skills. I get PIP and ESA now and financially things are OK (am in the support group so I'm not expected to look for work, and I get the enhanced rates for care and mobility which just shows how difficult it is to manage every day life).

I do get fulfilment in life through some voluntary work and I do painting and art classes (paid for through my CMHT), plus I attend a social group for autistic people (most of them are unemployed or just work part time), and that is more than enough interaction for me. Only about 15% of people with autism work full time, good for those that can but many of the ones who can't manage, are those with more severe symptoms or have lots of comorbid conditions.

There are lots of autistic people working in law. There are paralegal and research roles that can be really appropriate. I totally understand the anxiety about not fitting into a law office but that doesn't mean you'll never work just that you'll need to find somewhere understanding who will make adjustments. You have skills and talent to get where you are right now. It might be harder for you but I promise it's not impossible!

My mum is autistic and suffers from major depression, albeit episodically. Her obsessive attention to detail and great memory made her ideal for working in finance. She was self employed as an Ifa and became mega mega successful. She is terrible in social situations but fine with the rules that managed her client facing relationships. By being self employed, she shaped her own diary, meaning when she was in a bad state she gave herself time off. And she was a single parent!

I must say, you sound very defeatist in your approach to life. what about self employment? Volunteering? Developing strategies to overcome anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed. E.g. See above the person who has a quiet space to desensitise in.

IMany people suffer from anxiety, fear, depression, trauma, panic. Those who find methods of dealing with it that progress from hiding under a duvet are the ones who get the most from life. I think this is the trouble with labels. They make us self defeating. My mum didn't find out she was autistic until she was in her 60s. She figures strongly/heavily on the spectrum. She also says whilst it's nice to know what makes her feel permanently out of place and terribly anxious at times, she says she is glad she didn't know about it as she just cracked on and did what made her feel better/happy/scared/overwhelmed but did it anyway. This meant setting up her own business so nobody else's rules or requests flustered her and living abroad and all sorts... she has a great life, if a lonely one at times (never had a long term relationship etc).

Check out professor Elyn Saks on utube, she is insprational. She is a professor of psychiatry, psychology and law in the USA. She also has schizophrenia. Obviously different circumstances to yours, but thought her story might give you hope.

Also there are some really helpful treatments for PTSD out there. Have you come accross EMDR or EMI? EMI completely cured my PTSD it was amazing.

Some of these replies are seriously ignorant and unhelpful. No doubt from the sort of people who fired me repeatedly yet think I should be employed. (MH issues and possible ASD)

I could be sitting around doing nothing right now, but am studying for a degree to use my brain and make life a little more enjoyable. Nice to know people begrudge me that. Never mind, the government is saving money by providing no mental healthcare whatsoever. :)

The problems I've had in work mainly revolve around a lack of flexibility. Also occasional issues with other staff who don't pull their weight or seem to dislike me. OTOH working on my own in something mindnumbing is awful, I end up feeling like I'm going to explode and being distressed and unable to concentrate. I'm at my best when working as a team with other people who also want to get the job done (and don't have random petty squabbles).

Plus, it's always careers that are really competitive that we're supposed to somehow succeed in, isn't it? Nothing with a straightforward entry and progression. Always writing/arts/set up own business etc. Which also generally involve putting in far more hours for years to get established in the first place!

Also - working part-time. Yeh, how exactly do you live on part-time low/minimum wages? Tories have cut the last few things that were helpful in that respect.

Plus, don't we have to start at the bottom and work our way up? (genuine question). Suppose I was capable of a flexible, well paid part-time post. Great! But no-one's going to employ me after years on benefits, are they? How does one get a foot in the door and leapfrog the demanding inflexible min-wage jobs?

My last job was a nightmare because being single and childless I had my timetable chopped and changed at short notice (as well as weirdly spaced out shifts, involving lots of travel to and from work and not often consecutive days off). Other jobs I've been expected to work at a ludicrously fast pace or pick up others' slack. I've done my best to "take any job going" and it seems to have left me with several work-related triggers leading to blind panic and a need to run away, making it even harder to cope with work.

Yabu. There will be something that you are capable of doing if you make the effort and never being a wage earner and having colleagues and that part of your life would really limit you. There are so many jobs out there and even doing an unpaid voluntary role would imo add to your life in the longterm, if not the short term.

You sound defeated. This may become a self fulfilling prophesy. User....877 said upthread Self belief plays a huge part about her children. Don't you have people around you, who love and care about you, to spur you on?

You do face huge barriers however many employers are becoming more educated about disabilities and mental health needs, and how they can fit in the workplace. A lot of charities offer employment programmes so search for one that supports people with your condition and get in touch.

I think with support getting a job in your chosen field will be achievable. Maybe not the exact role you want but very few of us manage that so you aren't alone there.

It may take time though, but don't fret. Paid employment is not the only valuable use of your time. There are many ways to benefit society with you knowlege and skills - such as volunteering at CAB.

We all have something to give and you, OP, have far more to offer than most of us.

Wow!
"There will be something that you are capable of doing if you make the effort"

Oh yeh, because ASD and mental health issues are just because we don't try hard enough.

never being a wage earner and having colleagues and that part of your life would really limit you
It's only limiting because of money. I gained nothing fro having colleagues - we had nothing in common except where we worked.

You sound defeated. This may become a self fulfilling prophesy.
At what point are we allowed to feel/admit we are defeated? Should we spend our whole lives feeling inferior and inadequate,rather than accepting things?
Don't you have people around you, who love and care about you, to spur you on?
Often not, with ASD and mental health problems... seriously, does this need spelling out?

A lot of charities offer employment programmes so search for one that supports people with your condition and get in touch.
Erm - which charities? And what do they actually do? Only I've been looking and nothing seems to be suitable for the actual problems people on this thread have...

God has everyne been brainwashed by the positive-thinking, selfish cult of neoliberalism and all the rest? Intelligent people aren't able to find work and we blame them, rather than the stupid system? Fuck it all

I don't have much patience for anything to it related I wouldn't ebjoy running a website. Parents would never allow volunteering stuff. They rather me not have a job. They hate that i have money saved from uni as it is so once that gone I quite likely never speak to anyone my age more than once or twice a year..

I also don't enjoy writing. I have terrible concentration Span. Only source of income is disability benefits but I wouldn't be eligible. Part time jobs that are simple just don't exist without experience or connections.

Agree, if you can complete a degree you can do some form of work.

Quite why somebody would take on debt for a degree they never intend to use or pay back is beyond me, student debt should be paid back always. It's currently a very poor system.

I think you are giving up too easily. If you can manage study then you can manage a job.

You might not know what that job is right now but speak to a careers advisor and see what is out there. Why settle for a life on benefits if you've worked this hard so far?

I wish simple jobs like putting things into boxes that are part time exist but in my area they don't.

This makes me angry. You can use the internet. You did GCSEs and A-Levels. You are doing a degree. You can read and write. You may well have difficulties but if there was no benefits/state support option you could find something to pay for your food and basic needs.

I think it is disgraceful that you will never contribute and are perfectly accepting of that.

What you don't see is the struggle of people who do work and who pay more than their fair share to support those that don't.

Your parents don't get to decide what you do with your life. You're an adult. If you want to volunteer and this would be best for your mental health, do it.

Ok, not writing or websites then OP.

What sort of things do you enjoy? You might be able to work on thinking about this to find an area of work which would suit you.

At the moment you say you are not eligible for benefits and cannot see that there is any job you will be able to do. You say your parents like you not working but have the financially provided for your future?

If there is some paid work you can stomach doing or just even stomach having a go at you must see that this has got to be better than doing nothing. You don't have to try doing everything at once, congratulate yourself on taking each small step because in this instance it is better than doing nothing about this situation. The very fact you have posted and are saving, suggests to me, that you want to have more of a secure future.

I barely get through uni.. Why would anyone want to pay someone who can't get through uni half the time without a meltdown.

BadKnee.

Dh and I are those people who pay fee more than their fair share. I have ME but have never claimed a penny even though I could have because I'd rather it go to those more needy. Sadly it goes to many undeserving too.

Have you spoken to a careers advisor?

Or have you spoken to anyone to get help to manage with your conditions?

It's the fact that you're giving up so easily which grates. It's quite an overly dramatic "I can't do anything" attitude.

What did you find most difficult about uni?

Could you cope with doing a car boot sale one weekend? If you can you might try volunteering at a charity shop. You can leave if it gets to difficult.

Believeit

I said about careers advice as did someone else upthread. No response.

So you have the skills to do a degree but not work?

Sorry i don't buy that.

It sounds like your parents are controlling you, not wanting you to have money or a volunteer job. Do you live with them?

It must be hard developing confidence in yourself if you are constantly being told you can't do it.

Do they support you in other ways as well as financially?Do you live with them at uni?

It is not impossible for someone with autism to get a job. Sadly I and everyone else I know who has managed it has had a lot of volunteer work experience first.

Unfortunately it seems that getting a job is not your biggest problem at the moment. If your parents won't let you have money or see friends or volunteer, that is abuse. Do you have anyone you can ask for help? What about student welfare at your university? Most students with autism at the university where I work have a mentor? Do you? If so you could confide in them the could point you in the direction of support.

If you want someone to chat to you can private message me.