To accept never having a job

[11122aa]

Hi. I've posted a few threads before but is it normal to accept you never have a job Due medical Reasons. I'm at uni doing law but a I'm finding the course hard and b I know I'll never get a job afterwards as I have autisum and dyspraxia and also mental health issues. I'd never cope with a full time job and I can't imagine I'm a suitable candidate for a part time shop job..

I did my work experience in a libary. I enjoyed it but I don't think my local libaries accept non school work experience or allow volunteers. I live in London so no animal type reserves. I'm scared of animals as well..

Well, OP, you are not certain you cannot volunteer in a library, so why not find out?

You may also enjoy working in a book shop or any where you work with stock in a warehouse, for example.

Nature reserve volunteering can also involve landscaping and land clearing - not necessarily handling wildlife.

Would you like to work in a garden centre? There might be opportunities there.

Most libaries do take university students as volunteers. It might be worth contacting your university library as it is a familiar environment.

The law society and the bar council also have a scheme to help disabled students to get into law.

They may also be worth trying. It is hard because putting yourself out there is difficult but I think you need to have a go at different things to find a suitable career.

Whiterabbitears I work with adults in a MH long term residential home where some hold down a paid part time job. They are not capable of living independently and certainly couldn't manage a law degree

This is really intriguing. Would you mind elaborating on this? What type of work, etc? Presumably if not capable of living independently, there are issues with organisational skills so does someone else make sure they are on time and so on?

I'm in the weird opposite position of being perfectly capable of living indpendently, and in many ways capable, but not able to cope with employment atm. Mainly to do with issues of pacing myself and fluctuating concentration, mood and energy.

OP I just wanted to say that I know someone who has an extremely well paid job in IT. He works in network systems and has a PHD. He is astonishingly clever.

I also very strongly suspect that he has a spectrum disorder.

There will be work out there to match your skillset

Many small libraries are going from paid employment to volunteers. It's happening in my larger than average village.

I think your biggest obstacle is your parents. Especially your father. I'd tackle that first and get some external help without them knowing.

Big row this morning. Dad called me c word so I told him I hoped he drop dead. Dad then repeated how the police thibk I'm a nutter. My mum seems shocked I hate my dad despite the fact he is just as villeins as her. By evening time we had returned to normal but I lost a whole day study and I just want to get drunk or take drugs or anything to knock me out for a few days.

I know this thread was posted last week, but I really couldn't help not posting. Don't give up, please!

I also have a disability and some additional needs and I set up my own organization 10 years ago, when I was 23 years old. I have done the same work for the past 10 years and I am often looking for employees and volunteers. As I have additional needs, I myself have to adopt how I work so I am quite flexible as long as the work gets done.

You could volunteer at a smaller organization and who knows? They might eventually have a paid roll you could take on. Smaller organizations tend to be more family like and flexible. At least mine is

And certainly don't rule out setting up your own organization. There is so much need in terms of help to access things for people with disabilities . A lot background would be great for that and having your own organization or business means you have more flexibility in terms of how things are done. There are also grants and scams out there That can help to fund you in the beginning, you do need to do your research though.

So don't give up!

I think you need counselling and a plan to become more independent.

Your parents seem very controlling. I don't know if this is because they would be anyway. Or because they don't know how to understand you are an adult of deal with you being an adult because you have additional needs.

I reallg think you need to go and talk to the welfare team at your university. They will guide you and point you in the direction of help. If the police and social service really aren't listening to you, these people should hopefully be able to help and find a way to get your voice heard.

What are you hoping to achieve? Do you want to move out and live independently?

I should have said. What you father is doing is abusive.

I don't think I'd enjoy living on my own. My parrents will never let me get the skills I need to be independent anyway. I've accepted that along time ago.
Im not sure I'd be a good business owner.

Do you want to obtain those skills? You seem to on the one hand see yourself in 20 years time able to find freedom (I assume when your dad dies). But on the other accept your lot in life.

Both you and your parents are doing you a massive disservice by not allowing you to get as many skills and be as autonomous as possible. Statistically, they will die before you and leave you unable to cope.

You are at university. You have access to some good welfare services, which you won't once you've left. Are you going to use them?

I don't understand OP, your parents must have accepted your doing your Uni course. Are you sure they would not accept you building up some more skills through volunteering? Why do you think they would not accept this? What have they said? Was the argument connected to this subject?

Sounds like your parents are a big part of your problem here.
Is there counselling at your uni that you can access? They may be able to guide you in obtaining life skills such as living alone, money handling and eventually running a home.
I think once you've realised that you're capable of that, your confidence will increase massively.

OP could you go and see your GP?

In view of your health, I imagine you could be considered a vulnerable adult. As a vulnerable adult with an abusive father, the statutory services have a responsibility for your welfare. You could also approach social care directly, but I wonder if the GP route could work better???

Also, have you ever looked at people per hour? There is legal work there, though I'm not sure what's involved. Worth a google I would have thought.

OP, living independently doesn't necessarily mean living alone.It might be possible for you to house-share, or have your own flat within a supported living environment?
If you spent more time apart from your parents, they might see and acknowledge your capabilities and your relationship might improve.
Please talk about this with your counsellor, and go see the welfare team at your uni. That's what they are there for, and they have access to all sorts of support, advice, groups, clubs etc.
You don't have to be this lonely and unhappy.

potatoscowls i have always thought of severe autism in terms of the person attending special school, supported accomodation, learning life skills in school rather than gcses, a levels and degree. Is that not the case?

potatoscowls i have always thought of severe autism in terms of the person attending special school, supported accomodation, learning life skills in school rather than gcses, a levels and degree. Is that not the case?

Suppose thats why its a spectrum, I'm not sure where I would fall on a linear scale of severe not severe, I've never really thought about it tbh. I suppose I might be similar to the OP I have a degree, A levels and GCSEs but my current life skills that got tested in my report for when they diagnosed my autism are (just pulled this out of my report):

"Conceptual skills 100th
Social skills 100th
Practical skills 100th
Overall, X's daily living skills are estimated to be at the 0.1 percentile. In other words, 99.9% of people her age would be expected to score higher."

Academically I'm good, I have skills on the computer I think others probably don't have, but I can't cope with basic tasks that most people find easy, remembering to brush my hair or choose my clothes out for example.

I don't have much patience for anything to it related I wouldn't ebjoy running a website. I also don't enjoy writing
You must realise that the world of working is different from a holiday and only a small proportion of people earn their living doing something they enjoy. Most of us don't have that luxury. We work because they are bills to pay, and the bills are there even if the work available is not something we enjoy.

I don't thibk I could. Cope living. Independently
In this case I'm afraid I have difficulty seeing the point of doing a law degree - or indeed any degree. You have taken a university place that could have gone to someone who could earn their living from that degree.

Do you know OP, I was in a bit of your situation and somebody else mentioned living independently does not mean living alone. When I first moved back to the UK I couldn't cook, didn't know how to do a lot of things. I worked on the very basic things first and I was also living in a BNB so I had plenty of people around me.

When I did eventually find my own flat, that is when I focused on stovetop cooking and learning to do more with things like a slow cooker and a three in one oven. I am now able to turn hamburgers over in a frying pan, bake biscuits and other things that I never imagined I would be able to do. I also have an extremely supportive and encouraging landlady and I do have a PA who comes by when I need help with cleaning or any other tasks. I am actually better then my PA at cooking though My PA does cleaning as her regular job and I found her after I was using a cleaning agency. She and I got on very well so I asked her if she would like an extra job. It works very well.

I am severely visually impaired, but I find getting around to be very easy. I am able to go out alone independently so I will go to some Some clubs, the library, anything that is cheap and that looks fun. I am in London so it is not always easy to build friendships. Friends are good at keeping me accountable Though and can be great mentors.

Potato, I am severely visually impaired, and also have some special needs. Yet I run a successful small international organization. Every disability is different and every person is different, it isn't one size fits all.

I have had to struggle quite a bit to get to where I am now, but thankfully I have some wonderful people around me.

Are you still around, 11122aa?

I work (almost) entirely from home. I don't earn anything like the amount you'd expect of a science graduate, but it's a lot more than minimum wage and I can take down-time if I need it. If you look at your next step as temporary rather than life-long, a couple of years in an actual, employed job might seem more manageable and would give you transferrable skills that you could then use from your own quiet computer base.

The thing I would guard against, though, is that it can be very isolating, and those with autism tend to need constant practice at interacting with other people. I've joined a running group to try to combat this a bit - everyone is out of breath anyway, so no one minds if you aren't talking very much or making any eye contact.

Is this thread genuine??

I only ask because every time someone suggests anything positive the OP completely shoots it down with replies that get more and more extreme.

It has the authentic ring to me, PersianCatLady. DS during a down patch sounds very like this. There is never any useful way forward and no suggestions will work -- till he's feeling better.