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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My rules or their rules?

59 replies

lessthanBeau · 22/03/2017 15:10

Going on holiday over Easter, taking dn with us. We also have a DD, both girls are 8. Dn wears full face of makeup on days out and weekends at home, Aibu to say no make-up on holiday with us, even though her parents are fine with it? My own DD has no interest in it so not worried about DNS influence, however, I absolutely hate to see it, and I know other parents are looking and judging just like I am. I don't mind a little bit of mascara or eyeliner for her if we were eating out or at a disco but not during the day at theme parks etc. Also I don't want to be responsible for her getting it on and off her face, or having it rubbed into any of my caravan soft furnishing or bedding!
However she's not my child, dn won't kick up a fuss if I say no, but will tell parents that I didn't allow it. I don't want to be a meanie about it, wwyd?

OP posts:
Chillyegg · 22/03/2017 15:14

What does the full face of makeup consist of? Its a very atrange thing for an 8 year old to be botbered with everyday. However i do feel women ans girls can adorn them selves however they wish. I personally being contradictory to what i just said id say no makeup. Juat so ahe got a break from the full shebang. I couldnt be bothered with putting a full faceon everyday.

CancellyMcChequeface · 22/03/2017 15:18

I don't like the idea of 8-year-olds wearing make-up either, but I'd say that if DN's parents are fine with it, it wouldn't be appropriate for you to tell DN not to wear it on holiday.

In your place I wouldn't take responsibility for applying it, though, and would remind both girls to wash their faces before bed - if DN wears make-up regularly she probably knows how to remove it even if she needs a reminder.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 22/03/2017 15:20

Just be up and out on the mornings - no time for slap!
Mind boggles who would alow it at 8tbh!!
My dds are 10+11 and its a bit of lip gloss for a party and thats all they ask for!!

Original poster
lessthanBeau · 22/03/2017 15:20

Full face, foundation,mascara, eyeliner, lipstick.

OP posts:
Original poster
lessthanBeau · 22/03/2017 15:21

Not sure if she puts foundation on everyday but definitely seen her wearing it. The rest, everyday not at school.

OP posts:
claraschu · 22/03/2017 15:27

Why don't you ask her parents if it would bother her to leave all the makeup behind?

I would ask your own sibling gently, and s/he will either say: "This is DN's right; how dare you body-shame her" or: "Oh of course she can leave the makeup home, and that might be good anyway; she won't care and will be in and out of the swimming pool."

Nabootique · 22/03/2017 15:27

If your objection was that your DD is not allowed to wear it, but would want to and think it is unfair, then I would say YANBU. However, that doesn't seem to be your issue, so I think YABU in principle, but it could well turn out that she won't have time to be caking it on every morning. Having said THAT I am with you about make up on 8 year olds, certainly that amount. What the fuck does an 8 year old need foundation for?

claraschu · 22/03/2017 15:28

I would hate this, by the way, but I hate makeup anyway.

Smitff · 22/03/2017 15:28

Ordinarily I would say if she's with you she plays by your rules. The least her parents could do is get her to respect your rules.

But with make up it's different. Make up is personal, a bit like the clothes you wear, personal hygiene standards etc. So ideally you should respect her family's choices.

Having said that, WTF??!! 8yo and a full face of make up?! Foundation? Mascara?! What the hell are her parents thinking? Has she even gone through puberty? Her skin must be beautifully soft, childlike skin. What on earth does she need foundation for? I'm afraid my disapproval of this would make me unable to accept this, especially in a caravanning type of holiday. I would "give DN the opportunity" to be make up free, liberated of this shite for one whole week, by giving some excuse like not getting it on my soft furnishings or whatever.

Jeez. They say that kids grow up faster and faster but this is something else.

Nabootique · 22/03/2017 15:30

Totally what Smitff said. Better put than me!

WyfOfBathe · 22/03/2017 15:39

If you were worried about your DD copying, I think YWNBU to say something.

However, as it won't affect your DC, I think you should leave your DN to it. Make it clear that if her makeup gets on your caravan, you'll confiscate it. I don't think "other people looking and judging" is generally a good reason for doing/not doing something.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 22/03/2017 15:46

I wouldn't let her wear it in public on holiday, no way. People will think she is yours and judge you for letting an 8 year old go about like that.
If the parents don't like it they can take their own kid on holiday.

Materdolores · 22/03/2017 15:47

My DGD(6) loves make up. When I have her we play 'make up'. Blusher, eyeshadow ( she usually chooses a lurid shade of turquoise) mascara and lipstick. She also likes to do her Granddad's make up as well. Neither of them end up looking particularly good. My DIL doesn't mind as long as we stay indoors or in the garden. I have bought coloured lip balm for her that is almost invisible and I know she takes it outside. She claims she has dry lips when she really doesn't.
I would be rather uncomfortable if she went outside wearing makeup. I would be equally uncomfortable if I was minding any young child wearing it in public. It kind of sexualises them, well I think so. It reminds me of those awful children's beauty pageants.

Gallavich · 22/03/2017 15:48

No 8 year old girl in my care would be wearing a full face of make up. No fucking way. You'll be doing her a favour by letting her be a child for the week.

Deathraystare · 22/03/2017 15:49

I was wondering what the fuss was, expecting the niece to be about 15 but the penny dropped when I realised she is only 8! Not good is it??

Fintress · 22/03/2017 15:51

Full face, foundation,mascara, eyeliner, lipstick.

At 8 years old? Wow.

Gottagetmoving · 22/03/2017 15:53

I would tell her parents I was not comfortable with it so won't be allowing it on holiday and leave them to decide if they still wanted her to come with us.

Jaysis · 22/03/2017 15:55

I think I'd be strategically 'losing' it on the first day of the trip, and 'find' it on the last day.

Wonderflonium · 22/03/2017 15:55

I'm a middle school teacher and I regard makeup as a red flag safeguarding-wise before the age of around 12.

I think it's ok to sell the holiday to your niece as a low-maintenance week away rather than laying down the law on makeup. That way you don't have to undermine her parents.

Jaysis · 22/03/2017 15:55

Sorry - the makeup bag, that is..

TinfoilHattie · 22/03/2017 15:56

For real? What sort of person allows or encourages an 8 year old to wear make up every day???? How does she get away with it at school?

ollieplimsoles · 22/03/2017 15:59

No 8 year old girl in my care would be wearing a full face of make up. No fucking way. You'll be doing her a favour by letting her be a child for the week.

This pretty much sums up my feelings too, and I love a bit of slap

yecartmannew · 22/03/2017 15:59

I would try to find some middle ground. Perhaps suggest she bring a mascara and lipgloss but leave the rest at home.

Then she won't feel like it's been banned completely

WyfOfBathe · 22/03/2017 16:04

You'll be doing her a favour by letting her be a child for the week.
I wore makeup when I was 8/9. Not a full face, but lip gloss and mascara nearly every day. It was fun and nobody was pressuring me into it. I got bored by the time I was 10 or 11, and didn't start again until I was in Year 13.

I'm not saying I would necessarily let my DD do the same as me, but I don't buy the idea of DN's childhood being ruined by makeup.

user1476185294 · 22/03/2017 16:05

I don't wear make up day to day. But I think part of looking after and going out in public with someone else/their child is accepting them (and judgey stare/comments). If it bothers you that much you shouldn't have offered to take her. It's not your place to make rules about DN appearance. But yes I would keep an eye out for make up leaving marks but if adults can manage it and she wears it frequently then I'd hope she would be aware too.

Now on a personal note, if it was my kid, I'd encourage them to be too busy in a morning to have time to put on make up, take them for a mid morning swim etc to make make up a complete PITA for them, whilst encouraging/praising positive attributes (ie trying to get them to see they don't need it, keep them comfortable without it etc) whilst role modelling my own make up free face. But as long as they are happy and confident if they want to go out looking like a clown or a super model it's their choice.

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